I do have to see W tonight at D14's cheer banquet and I know she is going to try and sit with me. And of course I will reach for the drug. I can't move because sitting with her feels so good and then I think things can work out again.
Flip this situation around completely.
Tonight you are get the opportunity to kick the tires on your new mental lifestyle! EXPECT that it will be challenging, and RELISH the challenge! Tell yourself that you WILL get through this evening, and you CAN do it without breaking form. Keep that ever present at the forefront of your mind and there won't much space for the pull of your drug to entice.
I think most people are familiar with the psychological trick that someone at a conference will play, something along the lines of, "DON'T think about kissing your grandmother!" And of course everyone is grossed out because they couldn't NOT think of it when he said that. It's the 'power of suggestion' and, all tricks aside, it is a very powerful mental tool we have. In this instance, you must understand that to keep bad thoughts out we simply can't hope they go away or try to NOT think about them (we know that doesn't work). The key is to REPLACE those thoughts with other thoughts. Good thoughts, positive thoughts. Then there isn't room for the garbage thoughts. And with time and practice, the garbage thoughts come around less and less.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Errod, I agree with PM and V. Plus, do you really want to sit next to, and feel attracted to someone who is currently disrespecting your M by sleeping with another guy in hotel rooms?
Why not use this evening to catch up with, or get to know some other people at this event. Not ignoring W as such, but reaching out and linking with others who are there.
And I agree - PMA in high gear all evening. Get home and cry if you need to, but keep it all together this evening.
Good luck Errod!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thank you for the advice all. This is going to be an extremely difficult night. This is my first time seeing her since 100% confirmation of it being PA. Not just a PA but crashing in hotel rooms.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
I was fine. We went in of course she sat with me. D14 then sat with me and her and I were laughing and goofing off the whole time. I had some minor small talk with her. Then they called for food I jumped up and went real quick and never looked back.
D14 ran up to me in line and said keep doing what you are doing because she is baffled. So I was eating brussel sprouts and W goes they aren't as good as mine. I said they are better your food all taste like a**. We both started laughing. Then I don't know how it came up but somehow she asked if I hated her and I looked her straight in the eye and said honestly I do hate you.
I then when and sat with other friends that were there and she sat there all alone. She was looking up at the sky and playing on her phone, not looking happy. D14 of course followed me and we were in the center of the room as the life of the party.
I may not be able to save my marriage but I actually feel really good right now. I don't feel like a doormat right now.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
I was fine. We went in of course she sat with me. D14 then sat with me and her and I were laughing and goofing off the whole time. I had some minor small talk with her. Then they called for food I jumped up and went real quick and never looked back.
D14 ran up to me in line and said keep doing what you are doing because she is baffled. So I was eating brussel sprouts and W goes they aren't as good as mine. I said they are better your food all taste like a**. We both started laughing. Then I don't know how it came up but somehow she asked if I hated her and I looked her straight in the eye and said honestly I do hate you.
I then when and sat with other friends that were there and she sat there all alone. She was looking up at the sky and playing on her phone, not looking happy. D14 of course followed me and we were in the center of the room as the life of the party.
I may not be able to save my marriage but I actually feel really good right now. I don't feel like a doormat right now.
Well done - keep it up!
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Please drop the destructive image in your mind. Otherwise it will grow. Think of making love to grandma.
Tell your mind to STOP! Replace the image with a fire alarm going off, the bed leg breaking etc.
V
Oh my...I would like to distance myself from this - it's taken my example to a whole 'nutha level!
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
