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Deal!

Heavy I think that is great advice.
I like to also reframe "moving on" and instead say "Moving Forward".
Don't get stuck and keep moving in a positive direction!

This just struck a chord with me. It hurts so badly to see them turn their back on your kids, right?

My ex did this when he moved to Russia to live with his OW. I asked if it did not bother him that he would never see the boys again, and he answered that they were "lost to him anyway, so why did it matter?" But he has returned, and has been attempting to reconnect with both of them and our grandkids too, to some extent.

So don't lose hope Kramer. It took my ex almost six years, but he has finally gotten to the part of the script where he reconnects with his children.

I am thankful for the years and memories that we do have. Part of my frustration is that the kids are all grown now. This was supposed to be OUR time to travel and reconnect as a couple. Instead, she is now involved with somebody else, and raising his young children. At the same time that she ignores the grandchildren that love her dearly. It just breaks my heart.

i feel the same way. unfortunately we have 2 little kids in the middle

every 2nd minute, hour, day - it is incredibly unfair what the LBS has to go through. and to make it worse my W keeps telling me how much stress she is going through, and it is all my fault. all the while posting happy snaps of herself and my kids playing. and i have to curb my anger? i have to make the effort to be friends? screw that. i had no concept of the enormity of this grief before. i have heard people talk about this cycling of anger, depression etc. but this is INSANE.

Over time it gets better. Especially as you gain detachment.

All the emotions are circular and every time around the circle takes a little while longer.

i can relate. just a week prior to BD, SHE invoked the hope in me that over the following 12 months "working on the M" is what we would do. I reacted with so much enthusiasm. Then BD. i couldn't understand and really was going crazy. 1 hr sleep per day, lost 7kg in 3 weeks. blood pressure blew up numerous health issues. then separation.

i sent her so many emails and texts. clarifying exactly my position as it had dwindled since BD from working together to just not saying D right now. in general no response. and then she told me to get a diary for this stuff and not bother her. i was pouring my heart out to her, and not only did she not care, it was annoying.

then i confirmed OM. FB-ish account that depicted a whole new life, new profile picture w/ OM. Maiden name. photos of kids and "my family" was her quote. This was a secret to EVERYONE except him and her. I exposed it, and got in even more trouble from her. Now she badmouths me like crazy. Her parents have retreated from my "side", to support their daughter who is telling them I emotionally abused her for 4 years. Which is a huge exaggeration. But, what else is she gonna do. sorry - venting

So WRT your question. I am taking the view that DBing is for my sake, not hers, nor the M. If M is retrievable in the future..... I doubt it, but I'll be in a better place, i hope

i am hoping this happens - but the reality i see is not this. affairs dont necessarily fizzle out quickly at all. i have 4 friends (couples) who met this way. either one or both was the WAS and now they have a great life together. some of them have old kids + new. in my W case, i can't see this being the case given circumstances of younger man, 24. temporary work VISA etc. BIG chance he is using her for that. she is an easy target in many respects.

Pyrite,

I also blew the lid off of my wife's affair. Of course, she then tells me that there is no chance of reconciliation because I embarrassed her. She is now changing the timeline and telling everyone how controlling and emotionally neglectful I was, and how lucky she is to find someone who treats her right. WTF? You had an affair and left your family!!!

The ironic/sad thing is that people are now on her side, and I have been ostracized.