Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Being deceived by WAW, in need of some coaching

What about just letting her go?

I don't know the true definition of LRT as I haven't read the books yet.
I ordered them last week and I should get them soon.
One thing is for sure, I will never leave my kids. If we are going to separate, I want to have the kids under my roof to teach them real honest values.
The thing is this situation is burning me out mentally and physically. When my W used to have sleep overs at the OMs place, I was with the kids at home. They were talking to me but I wasn't really there, if you know what I mean. If we ever decide to separate, then healing is crucial in order to move forward. I'm sure the healing process will be 100 times
slower if I stay here in this environment, where I hardly know anyone (we just recently moved here) and keep working a very demanding job that often requires me to work overtime.

I know when I leave I will recover and come back with a positive outlook and energy to handle this situation the right way. And with the technology these days, I'll be able to
speak and see my kids everyday. I know it's far from ideal, but I have to play with the cards i've been given.

Starsky, Mvgfwd,

Considering what she has done in the past, she made significant
improvements. I'm trying to observe this momentum. As they say,
doing nothing is also an action.
When I notice that this isn't going anywhere I will confront her
to set my boundaries.
I just don't want to rush it because I need the right back up plan.

Wonka, can you please elaborate your statement:
""""
Wrong answer.
You don't run away like a whipped dog with it's tail between the
legs. Don't go all wet noodle on your W. NOW is the time to state
your boundary in no uncertain terms.
""""

I stated my reason for leaving in order to heal,in
my reply to twinmom, two posts above.

Also lets say, I would stay and get the kids and ask W to leave.
I know she will move in with OM. That move will only enable her
A even more.
Basically she will get what she wants. She'll have me here,
taking care of the kids. While she can live with OM for free,
she has to pay him with pleasure. I read that a while ago on her phone.
Once that happens, I see no way of me wanting to reconcile with
her in the future, even if her R with OM fall apart and she comes back begging.

You're running away

MrBond, why is it running away, when I do it to come back in order to handle the situation more effectively?

If I don't take that step and just stay here, I'll probably go crazy. Taking care of the kids, working in a stressfull environment, no rest, no friends to talk to, and going to sleep every night knowing my W is having sex with the OM. This is no place to GAL.

I think the change of environment will work like therapy. It will be much easier to detach, forgive, and GAL because I know that place better than anything else. I have lots of family and true friends there that can help me go through this. I know that move will help me achieve a positive outlook again which I will need to move forward with our new situation.

You should speak with an attorney about how leaving may be viewed in court as abandoning her and your children. Be aware of the risks involved in leaving.

You are supporting her actions by not taking a stand. Some have cut off the WAS phone because they weren't going to spend a penny of family money to support an A. And other similar type actions. Alarms on the doors that go off when she comes home late, etc. But without any actions demonstrating you are serious about not having an open marriage nothing will change. She will have her boy toy, her family, and all the benefits and none of the consequences. Maybe she tires of this OM, there's nothing to stop her from another.

Only when it is a wise tactic as part of an effective overall strategy.

Your strategy is flawed, and your actions (putting up with an open marriage) are contradicting your words to her ("I will not live in an open marriage"). She has learned to exploit this, and you can expect her to continue to.


Starsky

Your wife won't view it this way. All of that might make sense if you had ALREADY STOOD UP TO HER, but since you haven't, she will view it as running away.

I already did. I was told that I will be ok as long as I continue to support financially and keep in touch with them.