Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers hold on! - 8

She is, she wants to have her cake and eat it too, she needs to feel the impact of losing you and the family ... So far she had been getting her way even if I agreed with the birds nest thing I wouldn't do it just for the sake of not allowing her the easy way out

She should leave , she chose this not you

I'm in 100% agreement on the birds nest idea. It would only make things easier for her.

Its a waste of resources that would be better spent on your future with the kids or GAL.

I'm in 100% agreement on the birds LOVE nest idea. It would only make things easier for her.

Its a waste of resources that would be better spent on your future with the kids or GAL.

Thanks Sherman and Toots
I agree that this is not a solution that will help - I will still be caught in this web. The information that she found about this type of arrangement states that it is good for the kids and puts all of the burden on the parents. I don't know if this is true and I don't know if it is healthy for them. I could not do this with just 2 residences and 3 is just ridiculous.

I think they need to know that we are two separate parents and though it will impact them, it is reality. Not just another lie.

We did not talk at all last night. We did go to the kids swim banquet as a family, but came home and silence.

I have not decided yet, but I think that I will move out. It is not what I want and not how I envisioned this, but maybe it's best for the kids. Nothing is really how I envisioned it anyway. I don't want her alternative and just want to get on with this.

I can (maybe) afford a 2 bedroom apt in my area and give up my bedroom when I have the kids. Doesn't sound ideal, actually sounds pretty shtty, but I am resilient.

I am giving up a lot at this point. Really feel like I would be starting over in life. But it is a foot forward.

I never responded to Ws text comments or bird nest s idea but I guess we need to figure this out at some point.

DO NOT MOVE OUT. If she wants to be apart, SHE can move! She's the one having the affair and wanting to end the marriage!

There are very few topics on DB that garner near-100% consensus. This is one of them.

Knock off the "woe is me" crap and LEAD YOUR FAMILY. Your kids need a hero, and it's obviously not going to be your wife right now.

Starsky

DO NOT MOVE OUT!

It is the single worst thing that you can do.

There have been books written about this one thing saying exactly the same thing.

Stay in the MBR and stay in the house!

Short post - battle on - thanks cadet & starsky


she thinks all of this is about growing apart and is surprised that I believe otherwise.

She has agreed to move out.
Spew: don't forget you got what you want. you can make me look bad for the rest of your life.

I don't want to engage in retorts or comebacks

All for now. Will stay strong and lead!!!!

Good news that she's agreed to move out. The sooner the better.

Sure she'll spew - don your spew jacket.

Be the rock. Way to go U-turn!

BTW it's not you that's making her look bad - it's her own behaviour that is.

You never know - once she moves out and you separate your finances she may be faced with the stark reality of the consequences of her choices. She may want to come back home, but at that point you can dictate the conditions 100% - Dear John letter to OM, full transparency, MC, etc. if you even want her back at that point.

But I truly believe this is want she needs at this time. A good dose of reality.

Thanks Peter.
I know the sooner the better - and I wish it would happen right now, but that is unlikely. I will not believe it until I see her go - she so often goes back on what she says, and I cannot force her out.

She still believes the birds nest thing is a better solution, but I told her why I didn't.

I still think all of that idea is to protect her image with the kids and everyone else. She was surprised that this is about infidelity to me (I am surprised that she is surprised by this ). She may now be panicking a little that people will now start finding out about her and us.

That is why I know she is going to tell everyone that we "just grew apart" and "u-turn did not believe in or support my change of career" . That kind of makes me sick to hear - we didn't grow apart and why on earth would I not like her getting a better job and secure career (kids are older, financial burden is not all on me). I am not going to tell the kids that marriages are disposable and it's alright to D when people change. I want them to know that a M is worth fighting for and I have.

I will not lie to the kids. She may look bad (I am not going to try to make her look bad intentionally), but this is because of her decisions. (She will say it's me that wants this) I will own my part to everyone, but this is not about growing apart. I did tell her that she has to own her part of this - (she said she does every day)

I know that others have come back from this - but I don't know if I want to - I can't really even imagine it.

Just got my spew jacket back from the cleaners - just in time.