Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers RPP: Best Year Ever (18)

Good morning DB-ers! Last night D12 spent the night at a friends house, D17 had a babysitting job, and S19 had dinner with his girlfriend. I went to a local Thai restaurant with a meet-up group, and had a nice time.

Yesterday was NC with H. Seems he kissed and ran.

I'm off to a cooking class with D12 this morning. Hope everyone has a nice start to the weekend.

I hear you, rpp! At some point we really do drop the rope. I had a lunch meeting with my H yesterday to fill in the affidavit, and I had not a shred of attraction for him -- not in how he looked or who he was as a person. He was perfectly amicable, and we were able to laugh a bit and talk about D14, but he is just no longer my husband (even though we're still married). The paperwork is just the logistics.
The flowers and kiss thing are, I think, weird. What is that about?
My H gave me flowers and champagne a while back (after my scary dr. appointment last fall). They were to assuage his guilt. They didn't mean anything to me. He knows better than to try to kiss me. I am not open to that. I don't even hug him anymore, and I don't want him to touch me. I don't say those things to him though.
Because of his actions, he no longer has access to me -- either physically or emotionally. I can do the friendly banter with him, but no deep access to thoughts.

RPP

Lots of GAL points!

V

Why, thank you, V! I have been keeping busy, that's for sure. Tonight I'm going to a street art/music festival with a friend.

I know. It's just a shame that someone I've talked to every day for 27 years is now off-limits to me. That's just stupid.

I have no clue. My gut tells me that it's his way of keeping me active as Plan B. But I actually don't know that for sure. In one of our few pretend MC sessions, MC asked him how committed he was to the M. He said 10%. She asked why he didn't just D me now, and his answer was fairly incoherent. He didn't have a reason, really, and I think he's still in that mode. Just doesn't want to give me up totally, when he can string me along with 10% instead. Mindreading, I know.

Are you letting him string you along? I mean, do you give him the impression that you are okay with being the backup plan? I'm not judging at all, just wondering how you feel about that. Is that acceptable to you?

I think 10% just means he has doubts, regrets, etc.

I'd assume all WAS's wish it could be different. They wish the consequences weren't so devastating. They wish they had the marriage they originally thought they were going to have. The wish they didn't have to give up on their dreams. They wish they didn't have to be hurt and hurt others. So they have regrets. And they still have feelings for the LBS so they can truthfully say there is "part of them" that isn't sure.

But I don't see it that way. I look at actions, not words. Someone is either 100% in and they are resolved to stay in their M and work on it, and they become 100% out when they leave. Everyone has emotions. It's actions that count. My dad's favorite saying is "The road to hell is paved with good intention"...

I certainly don't feel like I'm giving the impression that I'm ok with being the backup. I've ignored the booty calls, don't initiate contact other than kids and house when necessary. He knows I go out and am not moping at home. The kiss was an isolated anniversary incident. I do act friendly and we continue to do things as a family. Hard to say how he interprets that.

Zeus, I'm with you on the actions. If H asked to move home right now I'd say no because he hasn't shown me that he's interested. He could bed and plead but if his actions don't back that up I would know it isn't real.

Bed and plead. Loving this RPP.

V

Words are cheap, V. My next man is going to need to be a man of action.

In other news, street festivals are not that much fun in the rain.