Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Life 2.0 Pt 7

I think I would wait before bringing up the S. Let calmer heads prevail

Take a deep breath. Go to bed. Don't talk anymore this evening and cool down, reevaluate tomorrow. Don't make decisions based on emotion and make sure you are completely ready t to stand your ground on what you ask for

When you're truly done, you will know it ... and so will she.

She knows you're "100%."

I could tell you to "re-read everything I wrote you today" to learn how to flip the table. But unless you really ARE done with her sh*t, it's all just so much tactics.

I think she's self-sabotaging. Think "marital suicide-by-cop."

I'm rereading your stuff constantly, Starsky. I'm going to re read this thread and my last one several times over before I do anything.

It's like she's trying to get me to lose my s*** with her. Not going to happen

Thread the needle. Simultaneously stay classy, confident and calm, WHILE letting her go.

I'm telling you: you need to go full-on Gucci/RobX on her. "You know what? I hear you, and this isn't working for me anymore. You're right. I see it now."

I think you're like a guy who paid too much for a stock at this point. You have SO much invested here, not only in past marital history but now recently with all the HARD WORK you have done. I get it. The forgiveness, the patience. And you don't want to give up when you might be THIS CLOSE to a breakthrough.

You've got to trust the work you've put in here brother, and that some of it will STICK.

I'm not telling you to GIVE UP. I'm telling you to LET GO. Let go of the outcome. Trust God, and trust all the fine work you've done. If she wants the marriage, SHE is going to have to make that choice.

Praying for you both,

Starsky

Razor I have no advice but wanted to offer my support and goodwill. However things turn out you've displayed amazing patience and tenacity. I hope those qualities serve you well no matter what the future holds.

I'm going to sleep on it and say something tomorrow. What are your thoughts on S? Should I push for a controlled trial S ( no dating, wear rings) or just leave that part alone and not even bring it up?

Thank you Maybell, that means a lot. I had no idea I'd be tested like this when I woke up this morning.

If you push for a S then I wouldn't expect the "controlled" part to be sustained by her. Once she feels she's free I'm not sure what would motivate her to abide by whatever rules you tried to arrange. I know in my case STBX agreed to rings, no dating, etc. and then sneakily broke them right away. It's not personal, but if she's so far gone that she screams at you like that and everything else, then what's to motivate her to keep another constraining commitment?

I'm not saying that to discourage you from letting go, as Starsky suggests, but to just make sure you aren't surprised if it plays out that way.

It svxx that these things are so messy.

Thank you Starsky, you have been amazing. And amazingly patient. Letting go has been so hard, but I know it's time for that.

I was reading an article the other day and some celeb was talking about his fantasy dinner party. He had MLK, JFK, and a couple others.

My list would be Starsky, sandi, Wonka, and a few others