I also don't like when these things go on and she starts in with something is medically wrong. She has had kidney problems her whole life. Supposedly they have been doing better lately. Now last night I get a text that she needs to get her own health insurance because she needs to go back to the doctor for her kidneys. I don't like that stuff. You don't know whether she is serious or just saying this. She has not said anything lately. I am sure the stress from all this is not helping her problem.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
W will spew at you, rant, change history etc. it is standard and expected.
She may threaten, plead anything to continue being wayward. Consider that her current lifestyle is worse for her health than the temporary impact of your boundary.
I am sending you strength across the miles. Keep posting.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Good Morning V!! I slept good last night! Also got good news. Seems the carpet problem in the MBR is not as bad as I thought. I feel good today. I have my own cell phone plan. And did not wake up feeling all stressed out. I am sure I will get a text soon wondering where the papers are that she wanted. I was busy last night and did not get to it.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Thank You Cadet! That is what I thought last night also. I did not force her to do these things. She decided for herself. She could have just worked on the marriage and not become WW and the stress would have been way less than all this has caused.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I was also think about exposing the truth to D yesterday. I avoided that for so long. 10 months of this. I do feel okay about it because I was defending myself. Wife was bashing me all day Monday to D and and texting her all day yesterday. I feel better that D understands why I have taken a stand against this type of behavior.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
My goodness, I am out for one day and look what I miss! You have received strong support from Vanilla. If you don't mind me saying so, I am proud of you overcoming your fear enough to make a stand.
You did the right thing by telling her daughter the truth. I forget the ages of the younger ones, but her grown kids need to know what's going on, b/c your WW will lie to them and paint you as a monster. Do not cover up for her. With little kids, you have to use age appropriate language, but do not make it sound as if any of this had to do with daddy. And don't say anything about one stopped loving the other. I think that excuse causing more anguish for kids than if parents told them that mommy wants to see OM.
Quote:
And now texting me wanting me to get her birth certificate out and marriage license so she can go back to her maiden name because I am done with her.
This is complete WW tactics. And if she wants her BC & ML, she needs to put her big girl panties on and get them herself. Her main reason to text you was to lay another guilt trip on you. And, that was the very part you responded to.
Part of your fear, and it's why you continue to reassure her....that you don't want the M to end. She knows it, okay? Please drop the reassurance lines. The WW needs to believe you have had enough and she is loosing you. If you are constantly reminding her she isn't loosing you....then she won't respect what you are wanting for the M & family.
Her game is to twist this all around to make it sound that you are being mean. She will try to make the kids believe she "had" to take that job b/c of "you". And now you are jealous and being mean and kicking her out of her home. In the meantime, she will play on your guilt at every turn. Remember me telling you that a WW uses guilt as their number one instrument to dig at the LBH.
Your immediate problem will be your fear trying to creep back in to paralyze you. The stronger the reality of her leaving, and taking your son, the more you will struggle with doubts of your action/boundary. It is normal to have these emotions, just do not cave on it.
Why do you just assume she gets to take the kid and leave with him? You are just as much his parent as she is. You are the one providing him with a home and safe environment.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yes Sandi, you missed all the fun!! I want to thank you so much for pushing me awhile back. If it wasn't for your advice and support, I would have still been so confused about what to do and been beating myself up. Vanilla was so great yesterday. I did screw up twice yesterday. With the mom doesn't love dad anymore thing(which I did not tell anyone but her). And my quick text when she kept saying I was done with her. I replied that I never said that.
This morning I am getting the guilt trip about her having to get to the doctor for her kidneys. And how I need to call the health insurance. She is the main on the policy. She can call too. She also stated last night she was getting her own insurance. Her kidneys are probably hurting from all the weight loss pills and coke she drinks all night to stay up. I'm sure the stress also. But I did not force her to do those things. She will blame me for it all. The truth is, her guilt, poor sleep, weight loss pills, coke, stress and gaining weight from sitting in that office forever is making it all worse!!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
