Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife

Sandi, the post at the bottom of page one I've now read several times( the first one too) It has me thinking a lot. What I'm struggling with is how to implement these ideas. I've asked her to leave get her own bank account etc. and as noted in my thread she's done nothing so she can eat cake, used sex against me and . I'm now seeing it is I must begin to take the action. In the mean time I've begun to make some plans

If you have some time I'd like to pick your brain on a few things.

Sandi,

For me, my W is definitely WW. However, all of the things that you have listed for me to do....she did first. Pretty much went full NC.

I've backed off for the last 6 months, but recently saw that she is hurting so much. The A has always been a secret even after she left. Basically, she pulled the trigger, but he didn't. Every time I think its over, I see that she's still in full pursuit. I've spent 6 months w/o exposing the A to OM's GF.

She's always been good putting up a front of everything is fine (why I had no clue about A for over a year.) However, we recently got to the point that I was starting to see her wall break down. She was trying not to do it, but I think got comfortable with talking at MC.....then she still blames me with a huge lie. So, I thought she was out of her fog, but obviously not. Ugh, problem is these lies are crossing the line, but I think she actually believes them right now.

So, I'll be just fine with being without her; but still hope my W is in this shell and will come out again.

So my question is, in your sitch; did you reconcile the things you made up about H to see that they were just lies to support your justification? I've been recently wondering if she made up the 'no turning back' lies in order to push me away or trivialize the A in her head as the cause of the S. Especially since OM didn't work out.

PM, that was an excellent perspective. Very edifying! You have triggered a small but significant seismic shift in my thinking. I appreciate it. thanks for taking the time in the midst of this most excellent thread.

rd, don't stop chiming in. I appreciate all posts, from vets and non-vets alike. I truly truly do. It just feels good to be heard when one is alone. So, in that respect, mission accomplished.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

RAI

What things did I make up about him?

Sandi,

What I think MCS meant was did you demonize and villify your H while in your A?

Sandi2,
what a wonderful resource (as in your 'rules' much earlier).

Just curious -
I haven't come across *'this,' below, in the threads so far ... Your above post is an 'all or nothing approach' (which I agree with btw - maybe a year ago "dunno" )

Anyway, is this applicable to all types of mlc-ers - as in those mlc-ers who may *1 - probably be homeless if lbs takes stand and kicks out? or 2 - may hurt themselves due to the same outcome?

Maybe I haven't been looking in the right threads - as there are so many, and I have so much to do between reading. Have you ever encountered such a sitch?

Pbetra,

MLC is a whole different ball of wax. I have said clearly in my posts that all is not equal in DBing when one takes the type of WAS into consideration.

To me, Sandi's thread is applicable for those who are just WAS...not MLCers. In short, my answer is "no" to your question.

There is a reason why there's a MLC forum devoted exclusively for spouses struggling with their MLCer (and same can be said for the Sex-Starved Marriage).

Ok thx Wonka - I guess the confusion 4 me anyway is that the wayward list behaviour seems so similar! I wondered if other areas intersected as well (?). Thx 4 getting back p.

Ok, got'cha.

Sandi,

I think you might have missed MCS' question in earlier post....about demonizing your H while in your A.