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Pink

This is something that really I would rather not say, my lovely Pink I fear H is still enthralled with the scuzz OW.

((((((((Pink))))))))

V

Thanks RD and V,

I can sound strong but I feel really hurt. I guess I need to go back to my dark days. H is in full speed in his A and I better be away from him to keep myself sane.

Doing D papers now. It socks, but is something necessary for the process. My L said to hang in there and take good care after my health. He told me to prepare for a long road because our next meeting with the judge was set to August 30th.

I don't cry as much anymore, what for me may be not so good. I let myself suffer a lot, go through great deal of emotions, but then it start going away and I feel like letting go.

I am in trouble now, I don't want to let go, but I don't want to hurt anymore... I will let life deal with this, and whatever happen inside me, then it will be.

Love
Pink

Pink

the only way I can make sense of these WS, why say "yes let's piece" and then the next moment "OP" is that the OPs are playing yo-yo with WS. This hurts and it is human behaviour at its most unpleasant.

I have a friend whose H fell in love with her Bestie, no matter what Bestie did to put him off H would not stop the chase. In the end Bestie cut all ties with my friend because it was the only way to get the infatuation stopped. After 3 years the friends met for coffee, the chase by H lasted two years before it stopped. bestie says she never responded at all, changed her phone, blocked Facebook and had the house calls blocked. That is best behaviour by a Friend in this position. The two women spa occasionally but will never be Besties again. The couple are still together and in MC.

This particular brand of OP in your case is distasteful to say the least.

This is a daisy chain of pain OP-WS-LBS-children. All caused by this infatuation with OP. By breaking the chain between WS and LBS with this style of OP the affair will die as the reward in yo yo has gone for the OP. They are no longer getting their reward from inflicting pain on the LBS. The power is finished "there OP, you wanted WS, you got WS, I am off to GAL. Bye"

Once WS is cut free from LBS and the affair with OP ceases, WS is isolated then they either find a new OP/gf or consider returning to the LBS. If the affair with OP restarts then the chain starts again. I have heard this referred to as plan B with LBS. Some OPs do this to-yo for ego boosting of themselves, especially if they have an R, and after this seem to seek another WS. I had one of these in my life I called her the Fish Wife, this joyous specimen looks to be a twin sister to the Mille Feuille (french tart) in your sitch.

It is very hurtful and painful for you, Pink believe nothing of that which H says and only 50% of what he does (Sandi guidelines). I have reduced that to 10%. When and if H wants back in and when and if you decide to piece, this place of hurt and loneliness will be a bad memory to be forgotten.

Pink, I will project my special care to you today.

V

Hi Pink. Of course you don't want to let go , you love him Just because you H is too stupid to realise what he is giving up that doesn't stop you remembering all the closeness and love that you shared with him. He's the father of your kids and was your best friend. Also the recent affection from him would only confuse you and make it harder to detach.

Pink , you are worth so much more than how your H is behaving Your sadness, disappointed and hurt are all turning to anger and that's nomal. If you can step back from your sitch and try to look at it from an outside perspective. Your H is with OW He is obviously unsure and some part of him can see what he is doing but he can't or won't stop. He is keeping OW but also wants Pink. For me Pink needs to keep on DBing , living her life as Pink wants and leave the rest to the universe. Pink will be happy again This is a journey and its a long way from over. Pink will decide when it's over

As regards the pillion on my bike. You are always welcome The support you and some other r the other ladies on this forum have given me has been fantastic and I value it very highly. While you were absent from the board your kind words and support were missed.

Pink needs and deserves love and loyalty and she will have it again , either from H or someone new.

Take care Pink , XX. Rd

V, you have wise words for me and I appreciate it so much. Yes, H made this cycle and now I decided to put a stop on it.

I think it's time I wake up for reality. I am not so young but I have a young and stupid spirit. I may not be a fool, but I am kind of innocent.

I believe in a health and pure R, M, I never cheated on my H, never lied to him either. And I never tough he would play so dirty with my life and my children's life.

Like V, I had enough of the dirty play. I want respect from him and I want my space so I won't hurt as much anymore.

Sweet RD,

Your kind words are so sweet to hear. I have been getting myself thinking about you. Yes...go ahead, you can all laugh now. I am kind of a dreamer. Like to write, have a bachelors in Language.

After my D, when everything settles down and life moves on and the universe is taking good care after myself and there is no more feelings for H, I will go to your country and search for you. So I will die in peace knowing that someone kind like you said all these amazing words to me and I will be at rest.

I don't know how kind you were to your W before DB, I guess we all have been learning and changing so much that now we can be better people, but you are an amazing guy.

So believe, when I am single again I am taking a vacation!!!

XOXO,
Pink

This post reminded me of something I had saved in my own personal archives, about the different "types of convos" and how most of them are pretty cheeseless tunnels when one spouse is wayward:

Types of Convos

Exactly. Here's the thing: if someone is in an ongoing, unrepentant affair, there are only a few types of conversations/communications they can have with their betrayed spouse, and ALL of them are cheeseless tunnels for the BS:

1) NEGATIVE ones. Blame-making, re-writing marital history, angry outbursts, fight-picking, etc. 'nuff said.

2) Seemingly POSITIVE ones. So long as they are still in contact with OM/OW and lying to their spouse about it, these are all "bullchit spin" at best, and outright GASLIGHTING and LIES at worse. And the problem is, the betrayed spouse inevitably sees this as "baby steps!" and true marital progress, when they are no such thing. They can lead to horrible strategic and tactical mistakes, esp. if the BS doesn't have a good intel system in place. Reading my old journal yesterday, I was BLOWN AWAY at how stable I was able to be in the face of my wife's deceit, simply because I HAD INTEL TO SHOW ME OTHERWISE. This can't be overemphasized.

3) LEGAL/FINANCIAL ones. These are best handled by your attorney, for the obvious reasons. If you start negotiating yourself, when you are way, way, WAY too emotionally entrenched in the situation (and also often running on too-little sleep and WAY too-little emotional needs of your own being met), YOU WILL MAKE FOOLISH MISTAKES and UNWISE CONCESSIONS.

4) FAMILY/LOGISTICAL ones. These are fine, but best handled via e-mail or text message. A cheating spouse will use these as a ploy to lure you into R convos and worse; SEE #1 ABOVE.

5) SMALL-TALK. This is fine, but only in RESPONSE -- don't initiate it if your strategy is to go "dim" and if it's to go "dark" you shouldn't even respond. If it's "dim," then only respond to one of every several communications, and usually delayed, because you're BUSY and GETTING A LIFE, remember?


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I just love this from Starsky to Det. The first one can deteriorate to abuse, and I am going to try to merge this with my knowledge of the abuse cycle.

Posted it for you Pink as you are so busy tonight. Will save you time searching back and forwards.

V

Pink, I think V does have some wise words. IMHO, your H seems so lost and confused, he may keep this up for a little while. I don't want to lose Pink - oh, but I don't want to give up OW either. I can truly understand your anger, but equally if he is in MLC, he may well be feeling even worse than you.

At least you have your kids, some good friends, support from these boards and so on. He's ambling forwards in along a self-destructive path.

I guess what I am trying to say is I think you are absolutely right to set some healthy boundaries and deal with finances and so on. But perhaps in time your anger may be replaced by compassion. Not the kind of softening that lets him back into your life and your bed. But the kind that wishes him good fortune as he drives his bus off the cliff. Part of your anger may be because you 'believed' in him. But if you truly accept that he is lost - at least for now - it might be easier to let the anger go.

I always enjoy reading your posts Pink. You are such a vibrant person, and I'm so glad you've come back to us! xx

Hi Pink. Just so you can plan for your vacation , you won't spend to much time searching because I will be at Dublin airport every day from now on waiting for flights from Colorado !!!!!!!!!

Have you got your PINK sign on a stick ready RD??

RD has everything Pink!

Including the blush



V