short, concise, I did just that actually yesterday. I texted my WAW and said Ryann is upset "I hate my Life" comment - would you talk with her"? I called my WAW and let her speak to her. They spoke for a while.
I thought about that very thing - that I would cause pressure if my WAW thought I was usin the kids as a tool to inflict guilt. I specifically did not do that. I'm learning!!!
My WAW feels bad that she has "caused so much hurt to so many people when all she is doing is tryin to find some peace in her life".
What do you guys think of this? Is this finally sinking in that her actions have consequences for so many people? or is this just more BS. Hard to tell. Enough energy/ focus on her
My s9 called in sick from school, I went to get him and he's getting his fix on the computer right now so he's a happy camper. My D6 is at at play date with her BFF and I know she's happy because I saw the photos.
Bottom line, when my kids are happy, it makes my heart sing. I have become a much better Mom and better parent through this process. I knew I loved them before but now I can really tell that love is bottomless.
Maybe this is how all WAW's feel about their AP, they are "in love" and that is all that matters. I ran across one of my WAW's old emails when she started her A and it was entitled "F" the past. Talk about a justification.
I do think that many WASes do say those things during one of their moments of clarity and honesty. I believe that your W is telling the truth here. Sometimes those things do slip out.
Lady Karma has an elegant way of teaching our WASes life's lessons through difficult situations, events, and incidents. It will take several accumulating sequence of events and incidents that sometimes hits the WAS in between the eyes regarding their choices to blow up their M's and families.
No, I do not think that "it is finally sinking in" for W. Not quite. However, I do see that she's seeing glimpses of it and she isn't liking them at all. Instances like this usually produce spewing from our WASes because they're angry with themselves and then try to turn around to assign the blame on the LBS to make themselves feel better. It's elementary, my dear Watson.
If you stay out of your own way, then those incidents will take care of themselves. We all have Lady Karma to thank here. She's loving, but stern.
Thining more about my situation. I am focusing on remaining positive, positive about me, my kids and my future.
Today my WAW and her AP are meeting in P for a long weekend. It makes me very sad but I am practicing thought stopping behaviors. I can't say that i have mastererd it but I am trying.
Good morning with the kiddos today, up early, changed into school clothes, packed lunches, kisses and drop off's. I do love those little kids so very very very much. I dressed up in a pretty blue blazer, put on my special earrings and am getting out there.
I know that the forum always states watch actions and not words and and while that is discouraging, I will rise above.
How can I win this? By keeping the focus on myself and reacting to my WAW's BS and trying to be compassionate towards myself and not beat myelf up about this. I did not cuase this, I can't control this, I am not repsonsible for other's choices. I am responsible for mine and I am laying the ground work for a better future with or without WAW.
Saw the WAW at the pharmacy where we both work. She gave me a check for some bills for this month and asked me not to deposit until Friday (after payday).
I said thanks and kept walking. I was cool, confident and detached. I did not look back.
I have no idea how it felt for her, but for me, it felt good to just treat her as a co worker, nothing more, nothing less. I kept walking and walking and walked away from her and all of the lies. I think I learned a lesson.
Keep walking and doing what is right for me and my kids. Don't look back.
Sorry for the bursts of journaling but that is my mood today and it makes me feel better.
I had my hyphenated last name officially changed back to my original last name. No more hyphens for me. I will only use my hyphented name when it applies to my kids. I want to have a unified fron for thei behalf and for their teachers, etc... Everything else is just my single last name.
I am slowly putting "me" back together, literally and figuratively. It is feeling a little better to get back to me.
And one more thing I have noticed....my WAW throws herself, really throws herself after this AP. She spends gobs of money on her, and even begs her to be her "only" even though her AP believes in open marriages.
Wow. Just Wow.
Pursuit and distance, two major topics of divorcebusting. For a long time, I pursued. I no longer do that, detaching slowly is something I am practicing and getting better at. I have noticed however, that even when I don't pursue, it makes no difference to my WAW. It really doesn't matter, I am doing it for me not for her. It is for my emotional well being not hers.
Keep walking and doing what is right for me and my kids. Don't look back.
One hour later:
Originally Posted By: FOOLISH
And one more thing I have noticed....my WAW throws herself, really throws herself after this AP. She spends gobs of money on her, and even begs her to be her "only" even though her AP believes in open marriages.
Do you see the contradiction?
Do you think you're ready to stop looking back? What will it mean, concretely, in your daily life and thoughts?
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I just read a bit of your sitch here ... the one thing that leaps out at me. Seems you are completely focused on WAW, I would recommend protecting your finances, get some sort of separation agreement. Seeing her spend $500 on anything should not concern you at this point ... protect yourself, financially, emotionally, .... your kids need someone focused on them and you can not do that while one eye is on her imho.
She's loving, but stern.