"I also told him I wouldn't stop the divorce in any circumstance because I understood our marriage was dead"
Have you told him that if he is willing to go NC with OW and recommit to the M, this would stop the D?
I'm conscious that if he is so confused, it may help if you can plant your feet firmly, be very clear about your boundaries, and stick to them - I know it's hard though...
Also, it seems that you are trying to understand why your H is doing X or Y. I think the simple answer may be - if he's in MLC, what he does may not make much sense right now at all....
Sounds like you are doing very well with GAL and living a full life - despite the challenges of your sitch - good for you!
Remember, the darkest hour is before dawn....hang on in there Pink xx
Last edited by Toots; 03/12/1507:53 AM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Pink, I am so happy to hear from you finally. Been wondering if everything was ok and how you were doing. Glad to see that things are...looking positive? Slightly confused but Im sure you are as well. I don't have much advice other than if you could afford it and it sits ok with you financially, I would probably schedule something with MWD, especially if it is Michelle herself...To me, $ doesn't mean anything compared to getting my M back on track. (This from a person that has $ and all I wanted to do before was save save save- I don't think you will regret it if you schedule something with her)
I hope you keep writing Pink...and whatever you are doing seems to be working. Im sure H is still just as confused but keep DBing Pink. You sound really strong and in a much better place than you were before.
Oh, and don't ever fall off the radar again. Otherwise we'll have to go looking for you =)
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
Hiya Pink. I'm just checking in to see how you're doing my friend? Do you have Mother's Day over there today too? I'm Mum-sitting today whilst Dad goes out. I have bought a couple of movies and some chocolates for her. Do you have plans?
Things sound very busy in your sitch right now, and I think you are doing really well. Did you guys manage to get some MC organised yet? Hopefully you are also keeping up with the GAL, and looking after yourself too. Gosh, we need to be great multi-taskers in our sitches don't we?
Keep posting my lovely friend. (((PINK)))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
RD - Yes, I am super confused. But how not to be with this crazy H of mine that tells me in one sentence that the D is right for us, cries all the time, tells me how much he loves me and misses me, how he can't forget me and take me from his life and his mind, wants to go to counseling and church with me.
By other hand, I am getting a little tired of his crying baby stuff. It's time to grow up.
V - Health is more manageable now. I have been eating right most of the time. Lost another 5lbs, but it is OK, I do not look like the walking dead yet.
I will make some time to visit your posts and update myself, I noticed on Mozza's page that things went sour for awhile in your sitch. Hope you are safe and it is all going/is back to normal.
You are in always in my prayers.
T - No dear, Mother's day is the second sunday of may here. That's was very sweet of you to bring some movie and chocolates to your mom. You are very lucky, my mom is 5000 miles away. I miss her a lot.
TL - I am also very confused, in the same time I am getting stronger, sometimes even enjoying my life as a single. My kids are teenagers, so life is busy all the time, loud music, going places. I am also stronger because I am getting angry with my H, he decide to be this victim that I have no compassion about.
Update: My life is very, very busy right now. Last Friday went to a bar concert with some girlfriends and danced a lot. Got a big hug from the bartender, but that was it. It feels really wear to go out hunting after being married and faithful for 18 years.
I have my S14 doing football training 3x a week, my S17 doing guitar. I also have a financial class on Thursday night, go to the gym as much as I can, have a prayer group, go to my IC, and whatever shows up, like coffee with friends, a beer, etc.
Last Friday sent a message to H asking if he would be around because I was gonna be back home by 12am and he said yes. He did not call the kids, did not text them or showed up at the house. It upsets me. He does not care much about his own kids. He shows up in a house only when he knows I will be there.
Saturday no sign of H and then sunday got a message to call him back because he needed my help. Called and he asked me to help him with the Financial Sworn Statement for the D. Really? WTH?
H said that he can't do those papers and that he was leaving to Mexico on Monday and that he should have asked the Judge for more time but got all mixed up at the court.
I told him I have not done my paperwork yet and I did not had the time on sunday. I said: Sorry, but I am super busy today, will take the boys out to lunch, then to cut their hair, need to clean my car, go to my girlfriends house for awhile, go for a manicure, and at night I would sit with the boys to see the Walking Dead. He said: Oh, that is OK, but can you check with your L if he can postpone the date a week after? Then I said I would try and text him Monday or Tuesday.
I was always the one to do all the paperwork in our house, H was the breadwinner but that is about all. I already gave him all the accounts and passwords, all he needs to do is to work hard. I guess the baby still wants me to feel sorry for him. Nope, I won't, if he is a big boy to face the world, have affair, take his stupid decision, then he needs to be a big boy to face his reality and deal with his own mess.
We also talked about the coming counseling. Unfortunately Michelle is very expensive and it is not the kind of money I have right now. I asked again about his intentions with the MC and explained to him that this is most of the time to try to make the couple talk, think, about their marriage.
H said: "Pink, we are getting D, but I think the MC will help us to be friends, to be good parents, to understand ourselves better. I really want to do this with you because I think it will be the right thing to do for both of us. You also know how much I love you and that I will always love you. I need you to understand that.
Ok. So, I am lost. I do not get it. I feel I should just think that he is done with me and close the door, but in the same time I feel that maybe he needs my help to step up and resolve his own issues, it's like asking for help without asking.
Why I think this way? Because we are friends, and we get along well about kids issues, that's one thing we were always in the same page. I am going to my IC. So why he wants me to go if he is so certain about the D? He can go by himself and treat his crazy A**.
Some of our friends told me that they think he is a MLC, he keeps telling people that he got a promotion, that he will develop the business and then he will leave the company. Oh dear, he is going crazy.
So, sometimes I feel I want to just run away, go to Ireland, meet with RD and go for a bike ride. That would be the right decision.
Hi Pink - TBH, your H still just sounds all over the place. And as your friends say (and was it Wonka too?) this may well be MLC, and could last for some time.
It sounds as though many of the things you are doing are very helpful. You are doing many social and GAL things. You are looking after your kids. And you are dealing with the realities of D paperwork alongside all of that. Good for you!
It doesn't sound as though your H is coping well with things. He sounds lost, sad and confused and he's sending out pretty mixed messages. Whether he will keep things moving with the D, or not, who knows? If D is what you want, you can progress things. But if you don't, you can just make the most of him not being able to do his paperwork, missing deadlines and so on.
It's a shame he has lost some connection with the kids too. Your R may or may not survive this, but he'll always be their Dad. I'm sure at some point all of this will smack him right between the eyes. He will wake up and look around him at the ruined parts of his life. When that will be - who knows. I think this is why the detachment is so important with MLC. You could get pulled under if you stayed too close. Better to be an observer and limit the effect this has on you as best you can.
I do think you are doing so well Pink and you do sound strong. Do you think there might be room on RD's bike for another one? He might have to bring the Mercedes for this trip!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Yes, he seems all over the place, but he is being able to keep his affair, as he said to me he does not have a R with the OW but he is in contact with her by phone and email.
I am not sure but H is going to Philadelphia on 03/23 and will be back in CO only 4/4, in the middle of his trip he is renting a car and dropping of at NY airport. It sounds really fishy, and it could be that he is going to France again.
H already told me that he is not doing anything with the kids for spring break because he needs to work that week and won't take any days off.
How a man finally makes you feel really disgusted with him? He does not need to pick his nose in public, he just need to disregard his children and his wife will slowly think that she is better off alone.
I do believe that one day he will wake up and realize what he is doing. He does not value anything now. It's sad to see that he is feeling like a victim.
I do love this man, but there are so many things happening that I don't know how much I can take. I feel that I am wasting my time thinking that there is any hope left. Besides the fact that my admiration for him was not always very strong and now it's even less.
I will keep the divorce going. At least I will have my life and the life of my children straight up and with direction. If, just if, he comes back one day, we will see if he has any room left in our hearts. And I say, our hearts because my kids do not want him back anymore. They are hurt and disappointed, and I keep covering up for my H, but at some point I can't cover the sun with one finger.
Pink...I don't even know what to say to you. I thought it might be the start of a turn around...and now I'm thinking WTF? As Im sure you are too. I agree with Toots, you're H sounds so confused and just everywhere right now. I have no idea why he was the way he was not too long ago.
I will say that your GAL activities are insane and that is so awesome. Mine doesn't even compare to yours and you sound stronger everyday. Just know that no matter what happens, you stood for your M to the very end, and you never know what can happen.
I can definitely relate to you about wanting them back and one day it might be too late. Seems to be the story of alot of LBS here..that they try and try and stand for everything until they run out of patience and there is no more room in their hearts for WAS. And thats when WAS decides to come back. You are doing so well Pink, please keep writing and keep your head held high. Thinking about you..
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
Yes, I am asking myself WTH is he thinking. The only difference is that H is doing this to my little guy. My little one is turning 15 on 3/30 - he is an excellent kid, very smart and is doing amazing in school, he has a 4.3 GPA an is taking all Honors, next year he will be taking some AP classes on teachers recommendations.
This is the first year that H is missing his birthday and is the first year that he isn't home either. H is not thinking about the impact of what it is for a kid 15 years old.
Instead, his choice is to go in another vacation with OW. So, I can only say do it, and do it well. Because sooner or later you will pay for it.
I went to my L today. Told him I do not want any extension, and that I want him to concentrate to do his best for me and for my kids.
That's why that all the vets here say 'DETACH', indeed it is the best thing you can do for yourself. It took me quite a few months to learn, and after many 2 x 4s on my head, I came to the conclusion that this is my road from now on.
I set up the boundaries I need for myself right now. I am getting my priorities straight with my life and slowly but surely I will be myself again.
It is not easy, but I am a person that moves more when angry, and now I am angry. I will keep my cool, treat the traitor as a neighbor because we have kids, but I want my life in the first place. And, I want even more, that he does not hurt my children.
Hi Pink you sound really strong I think your doing the right thing especially if your H is carrying on with OW. It's hard when the WAS seems to have little thought for their children. Best to continue with your own life and let Him be
