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Thanks a lot saind2 for your insights. I have just responded on my thread.

The correct answer is



-PM

fair enough, PM.
W is home all day and could have done it herself any time. She almost never leaves me notes - especially for something so trivial. It just seems odd. Maybe she is asserting herself? Maybe it is not trivial to her? Truthfully, I have no idea what she is thinking or why she does what she does. Some of that phenomenon is reflected in Sandi's original post in this thread about WW.
thoughts?

Hi Rai. Sorry you find yourself here. Just my pennies worth. I know how you are analysing everything W says and does but trust me , it all means everything or nothing. You have to let it go. You will see lots of examples of W and Hs telling their spouse that they miss them , love them etc. these WAS are still away from the R. I came home tonight and W had left for her flat, she had left my mug with a fresh teabag in it. My dinner was in the microwave. My curtains were drawn in my room and she had cleaned my bathroom. What difference does it make. If your W wants back into your M you will know. All the little signs are stars , you are looking for a planet. Take care. Rd

Thank you Rd, I think that applies to a lot of us. Thank-you for posting that.

I spent the first month looking at every little thing she did for a sign of hope. Turned out to be a waste of my time. She's a WW, nothing makes sense.

rd,

I read your post, and I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I was not perceiving her note as a sign of affection. Rather, she is asking me to take out the trash when she could have easily done it herself. I know quite clearly that my W does not want a R with me. I actually found it audacious that she took the time to write a note, when she could have just as easily taken out the trash in the same amount of time.

My question was how do I respond? if she asks me to do household chores and I do them, am I just facilitating her cake eating? If I refuse or don't do them, will she continue to build a case against me?

RAI

In this example, I can take a stab at what might be happening:

-If you ignore the note, you're a jerk who doesn't want to communicate or help out.
-If you acknowledge the note, but don't do what it says, you're a jerk who intentionally doesn't help out.
-If you write her a note back, then you're being snide and a jerk.
-If you take out the trash then you're a doormat.

Am I missing anything?

Regardless, if you are in a situation where the game is rigged so that you cannot win, it ultimately doesn't matter. It only matters that you stay true to yourself, your morals, your boundaries, your version of YOU that you can live with.

The irony life provides with respect to this perspective is this: that's the healthiest and most attractive version you can be! It doesn't matter what she thinks. Just because what you do technically falls under one of the headings I listed doesn't mean you've fallen for the trap and are now exactly as she defines you: either a jerk or a doormat. You be you. The rest will take care of itself.

Let her stay over there and waste her time "making a case" against you, an awesome guy having an awesome time who couldn't care less about a meaningless "case". She's the one missing out.

-PM

Edit: and now I'm remembering that this isn't my thread and I don't want to muddy up sandi's waters. I'll quiet down now.

Sorry RAI. My mistake. I have just seen so many posts about small
Signs and from my own sitch I know they may mean nothing. I will let the vets do their work. Take care. Rd

Still a valuable lesson though PM. Adding clarity not mud.

Hi Sandi,

Starsky asked me to get your opinion on my thread.

Here: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2546922#Post2546922