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Gg

H has (as yet) stayed this line of physical violence, it might be easier if he had (and this sounds so awful) gone a step to far. If your H went that extra step and I know he was physical with Sthen16, then his skinny ass needed a legal boot.

Gg that is truly awful indeed, there is no excuse, no rationale, no reason for that and yet we stand for our M our H, and finally ourselves.

These abusers, let us call them out, abusers like this need serious help and support. Like you though Gg, I am done with empathy, I am finished with tolerance and in essence there is not much more that can be done.

I want an end to the Drama, the Lies and the Abuse. This last weekend has taken me to a time of peace and stability. I want that in my life so badly.

Gg, you deserve so much better and I know that abuse leaves a legacy. This is my first tast of it and it is unpleasant indeed.

Take my love projected to you across the miles

V

RD

I have tried everything I can think of and that has been recommended to get this to stop
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I have been waiting for a domestic abuse slot to be made available to me via my GP. Today I will chase that up.

This is not described as domestic violence but is domestic abuse, probably caused by anger and fear. At least that is what I understand at this point in time.

The worrying part was the LOL! And that is what concerned my mentor the most.

This morning H got up and pointedly, slammed doors, started doing his own ironing and I was met with angry silence. So more of the same mature response.

Rd thank you for your support, it is very precious to me.

V

Horrible to hear V you have all the support I can send you

(((((Vanilla)))))

Urgh! Wishing you well V. I'm sorry you're experiencing this unwholesome behaviour.

(Not so) Old Dog xx

Sorry it was hard to watch.

Yes it's domestic abuse, it does make you fear. Atm my biggest fear is when the ow is not around and h tryes to come back, which he stated he was doing.

That's my biggest fear. Tbh.

V, I'm so sorry to hear about your exchange with H. He is behaving abusively. That kind of behaviour is designed to make you feel small, to sap you of your self-confidence, knock you off course.

Do you want H to remain in the house any longer. Is it worth considering a boundary that you will share a house with him if he is pleasant and courteous. That convo was neither and if that behaviour continues, he will have to move out. It's up to him...

Hi Vanillia. You have fantastic support from all on here and it seems we are all singing from the same hymn sheet , this has to stop Toots has brought up the living together issue. How does Vanillia feel about Herself or H moving ?

Just my twopence worth re your H. It seems he doesn't grasp that the two of you are separated, he seems to be living his own life but wants Vanillia there to help and to blame when things don't go his way. My L/C is very big on having the right minded people around you or else you can get dragged into their moods , their mindsets and just bring you back to negativity. Vanillia you are so wise but I think you are to close to the situation to see that you need space from H asap.

Take care , Rd

V you know I express these same concerns from time to time. We all love you and hate to see you on the receiving end of abuse. The peace you experienced this weekend exists.

V,

I enjoy your sprinklings of wisdom and humor across the board. You seem wise.

Now, I would like to address some concerns expressed by others regarding your H's behaviors. It is concerning and rightfully so. You mentioned that you have some properties. Would it be possible for you to move out and get your own place? I think you owe it to yourself this and preserve your self-worth.

I really don't care for H. I only care about you and your wellbeing.

As long as you are in their physical presence, abusers will just keep on abusing you. Removing yourelf from them is the biggest indicator that you are not "okay" with the chit and shows them that they have no power over you.

Would you at least consider this, V?

Edz, Gg, RD, Toots, OD and of course Wonka

I am listening, not just hearing! Today I had an appointment with a Police Liason Officer and Victim Support after ringing Gamanon care line. I went with my mentor.

I have three of H rants recorded, there has been discussion that H may be prosecuted as the abuse is considered serious. Whilst they can prosecute without my consent, they will not consider it unless I act as a witness.

Victim Support Counsellor considers H is escalating with his aggression and abuse and that it is recommended that I remove myself. The abuse is now 'on record'. So I have left and am staying in my Brighton flat, not ideal for work but I can cope. I shall look to stay with a friend whilst working at the office.

I feel relieved, the consensus seems to be that H will continue the 'cycle of abuse' if I am around. H may be cautioned it depends.

The VSC said she wished more abused parties had recordings of the abuse. I must also now keep repeating to H that unless he seeks help for his aggression and anger that there can be no R. This has to be a boundary.

Gamanon mentor helped me to compose a text, all concerned seemed to feel this was the best way of communicating with H.


V: LOL seems inappropriate to. It is unfunny to me
I have taken advice and decided to remove myself as a target for aggression and abuse

H: the LOL was a mistyping for OK
H: I am totally confused by you

V: I am feeling abused and a target for aggression. I am no longer going to be subject to domestic abuse

Thank you all, I am safe tonight

V