Something that has helped me meet new people (being a man) has been cooking classes! I have taken 3 now since my wife moved out. Two for Thai (which is something that I usually skip over) and one that was a broad Latino (Cuba/Puerto Rico/etc) food.
I am 35 and was probably the only single guy in every class. The rest were couples or single women (most going through a divorce). I have met and continue to talk to a few different women from said classes, which is a HUGE ego boost. Two of them are in the same situation I am in, their husbands left them and they are going through a divorce. I am not interested in dating any of them, we just text/talk for moral support. Frankly, I would date one of them, but I am just not ready for that. Look into it Mozza (and everyone else trying to GAL), it's actually quite fun!
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Moz, did you ever see that "Man Cave" thread? It seems like it doesn't exist anymore, not sure why, but the initial post did give some insight into confidence around women. Anyone know why it no longer exists?
EDIT: So digging seems to indicate that JCred got out of line in some way. Still, I'm a little disappointed that I at least can't read his initial, long post. It changed my perspective on a few man-related things. When I looked at some of my history through the lens he was presenting, some of it really became clear. Really useful stuff for a guy going through the trauma of losing his W to another man, about the most confidence-crushing thing that can happen to a guy.
Last edited by Card29; 03/03/1506:33 PM.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Moment of doubt: I just realized that it's been nearly a month since a vet weighed in on my sitch. If any of them happen to come around here — Wonka, sandi2, 25yearsmlc, Starsky309, Train, MrBond, Cadet, Mach1 — is it because...
you see no hope and have given up on my sitch? I'm just doing fine by myself? there is just nothing to say at the moment? you feel I don't follow the advice? there isn't enough happening right now? or something else?
I notice that other not-so-newcomers like Maybell, Card29 and HPoirot still get vets' input so all of a sudden, I'm a little worried.
I must admit that sometimes I find myself wondering whose threads I've missed as there are many newcomers coming here and it's hard to follow some.
Lately, I am pulling away from the DB site as there are some serious family issues that will require my attention very soon. Which means I will not be around the Boards much, if at all.
Now you asked about your sitch.
At this point, I feel that you are doing the right things so far as your W is still involved with the OM. Pull a bit back so W will need to put on her BGPs as she's told you she wanted to be on her own. Well...like it at all, W???!
Sandi, myself, and many others all say to the newbies that the WAW who wants to be "on her own" will need to put on her BGPs so she can see the stark contrast between "making it out on her own" with a loving family.
We despair at times when we read of Wet Noodle moments of the LBHs....so searingly dependable on the W that it pains us to read them here in the forums.
Some take longer than others.
What needs to happen for the LBHs with a WAW is to be courageous, decisive, and firm. Be a leader.
In your case, it was your put downs and negativity that pushed W away. You are finding a delicate balance between that and having W figuring things out on her own.
We cannot emphasize enough how GALing is essential in forging a new way of being for yourself and it is attractive to the WASes because you're making new discoveries. All of this makes you look more well-rounded.
I've recently slowed down to one daily update on these boards, but I think I will try to slow down even more. I need less WAW in my life and more... well, everything else. As much as DB is about saving myself, I want to see if a little break will help me think more about the right things. _______________
Wonka and sandi2 | Thank you. I take it that I'm on the right track and that, on the WAW front, I need to leave that soufflé in the oven without opening the door. We'll see what time does to it. We know that a month ago, things weren't good for her, with low moral and all meds back on, too much alcohol, insomnia and more.
Card29 | Yes, I took part in the man cave and was enthusiastic about the principle. I even made a few suggestions for discussions. But it became absolutely ridiculous with threats of violence for girlie men, etc. It was disappointing.
EyeTie | Excellent suggestion. I've taken one cooking class since the beginning of my sitch and did get to laugh with one girl, though it was way too early for me to even contemplate seeing her again. I love to cook and I'm keen to learn more.
_______________
Detachment Report | I'm currently allergic to any contact with WAW. I don't want to see her, hear her voice, read her emails or texts. We still manage to have a little something about the kids every single day. It affects me too much and I need to get better.
PMA Report | This whole week, I've been sad, violently at times. I've even had moments where I was scared of my own crisis. Even after the crisis, I still reel from them. This week is one of the worst of the last three months, because of the cold/flu that keeps me from GALing much. I'm going to look into medication after all. I don't understand why I'm still so bad after six months.
GAL Report | Yesterday, I went for a long walk in the cold city while talking to my parents. I ended up in a part of town where I had last been with WAW and the kids, last summer. It was painful to associate the memories with the places. Not a great GAL. I had dinner alone at a local bar. I've been watching more TV than usual, again because of the cold/flu. Tonight, I'll hit the town for dinner again. Tomorrow, I get the kids back for a week.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I too see myself starting to revert back to some of my old tendencies. You said TV, but I can see my zeal of keeping the house clean, the laundry put away and so on is starting to diminish. I see it a little more like I needed to keep 'busy' to stop from going crazy, but now I can just lay on the couch and end up falling asleep watching TV. I wouldn't be able to do that a couple months ago without my mind going into overdrive. I guess its a little good with the bad.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
I have been on meds for depression since the first A back in 95. The meds have helped me a great deal. To be honest they probably saved my life!
I have to be very careful though, I like to have a beer with friends but it's not good for my PMA the next day. Alcohol, at the least neutralises the effectiveness of the meds.
Proper meds with IC and a lot of GAL may really help you. Real men can cry and real men may need to take meds, if you had to take cholesterol meds to be healthy you would. We can't be depressed and remain healthy either!
Jbird
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
Moment of doubt: I just realized that it's been nearly a month since a vet weighed in on my sitch. If any of them happen to come around here — Wonka, sandi2, 25yearsmlc, Starsky309, Train, MrBond, Cadet, Mach1 — is it because...
you see no hope and have given up on my sitch? I'm just doing fine by myself? there is just nothing to say at the moment? you feel I don't follow the advice? there isn't enough happening right now? or something else?
I thought this thread was just a list of success stories - the title is misleading.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
