I guess my problem is I feel like im in No mans Land I have now clue what to do
There are no short-cuts, MWKS -- you have to put in the work.
How many of of the threads from Cadet's first "welcome" post to you have read? Have you read MWD's books? Sandi's 37 Rules?
None of your questions ever seem to even have anything to do with the DB/DR techniques. DBing isn't complicated, but it DOES take a lot of self-discipline and WORK.
I have read and re-read and read again but for some reason it doesnt seem to be helping. I know this will take some time. I know this didn't get broke overnight and it wont get fixed overnight but damn. I mean there are days that it feels like we made some great progress (now I still stay lovenly detached)but then the next day its like im the damn antichrist. I try to stay in an upbeat mood and try not to let her get to me. when she does I leave the house. I spend more time in the gym when she is home than I do at the house, because she is trying to get my goat and pick a fight. I just dont understand why.
I've read on these boards that some WAS's will pick a fight with their LBS around the time that they are seeing OP. I think it makes the WAS feel more justified in what they are doing if there has just been an argument.
I doubt that WAS's consciously realise this - but it's like they need to create negative conditions in the M in order to go off and comfortably spend time with OP.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thats exactly when she wants to pick a fight and I have to leave because there are so many things I want to say but I have to keep a level head on my shoulders. Now Im not saying there haven't been times that Ive let my emotions get the best of me. But I am trying to keep to the program as best as I can. I haven't had and outburst in a little over 2 weeks now and let me tell you there are days its harder then others.
I mean there are days that it feels like we made some great progress (now I still stay lovenly detached)but then the next day it's like im the damn antichrist. I try to stay in an upbeat mood and try not to let her get to me. when she does I leave the house.
You could put the same description on her and have a closer idea to what you are dealing with here.
She is not the girl you M. She is not going to stay on even keel from day to day. She is not pro-marriage. She is not pro-you.
Last edited by sandi2; 03/05/1507:12 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
So how in the hell do I get her to become pro me? Like I said Ive been trying my damnedest to stick the the rules. But today she did ask me if I would be willing to go dancing with her next week for my bday. This was just out of the blue
As far as next weekend I told her I would have to see what I had going. well I guess I haven't been detached enough. I need to back off more and act like I just dont give a Fu#@? Is that what you are saying? Even though its killing me well I guess that is one of the rules. Ill give it a try and see how it goes.
