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Morning Toots (still, just)

That read like a really positive post - I like it

And being not sure sounds really healthy as well, kind of like you know what you want in an R, you'd be happy if that were with H but if he's not up to it then you are sure your worth more than that. Something like that anyway.

Feel free to launch your new career by redesigning the interior of my place, because my talents lay elsewhere - playdough animals for example.

Actually with that, your knowledge of what colours to wear, your new found DB skills and I'm sure a multiplicity of other talents, you could get some coaching qualifications and set yourself up as some sort of holistic life-stylist.

Hi Toots,
Sounds like stressful times for you right now. I'm reading very carefully since all of this might hit me rather sooner than later.
So are you going to legally separate? I understand your fear of D. It's final.
The comment of your lawyer was a little irritating "why don't you just D".
I hope you will be fine in this whole process and stay the great and strong Toots that we all know!

Toots

My new pad will need help as well as a roof.

V

Hi all - thanks for your comments!

Yes, had a pretty nice day, pottering about and glad to be feeling better. Off to the parents in a few mins. Holistic coach? Jim, that sounds a far nicer career than my current one. And V, I'm sure I can turn my hand to roofing if that helps?

Complex, actually my L said the D comment in a very kind way. I very much feel she is on my side. And yes, my hope is that we will legally S - including dealing with the financials as though we are D. I don't want to file for a 'fault' D and would prefer we wait until 2 years S to have a 'no fault' D.

However, these are all my preferences and I have no idea what H thinks. He would have to agree to all of that and he may not. We may shortly have an impasse - IDK. He hasn't responded to my email and I'm not going to chase him up.

Thanks so much for your comments about my strength...I really don't feel that strong, but nice if I manage to come across that way at least sometimes! It's certainly easier not seeing my H much (not seen him since August!) but there are pros and cons to that too...

Your L better is on your side haha. We all have different sides, the way we present ourselves and the way we let ourselves go when no one is watching. But I tell you one thing Toots. You ARE stronger than you'd think. All you are doing/have done, only a very cery strong person can do. Many would've given up long time ago.
Not even seeing your H for so long is incredible to me. This is a very long time, at least to me. Have you ever thought of doing a step to meet him again? Is he far away?
I wish you the best of luck with your settlements.

Holistic life stylist? That sounds brilliant!

Toots, you are really strong, like Complex said, and doing brilliantly. Keep holding your head up high.

Hope you have a lovely weekend!

Thanks Guys. Complex, my H is a couple of hours away - both when he's at our MH and our flat he uses for work. It's never really felt appropriate to suggest a meet up. But I may well do that now we are due to be discussing settlement stuff.

I guess I feel pretty scared about seeing him now. He's become a person I don't really know, yet I'm still M to him.

Hi toots. You sound strong Plenty of nice guys out there. Just look at the guys on this board. !!!!!

Take care. Rd

Absolutely RD - there are some great guys on here, I agree...

Well, a nice GAL day for me at a calligraphy workshop - nice people and some good laughs trying to write letters with a brush, which was pretty hard.

Started re-reading DR tonight. Since H didn't respond to my email (and I also saw the L) I've been feeling a bit more negative about our sitch. Feel I need a shot of MWD to pep me up again. I'm sure I'll hear from H at some point, and there's no great rush. I guess I just thought the momentum may have started, and maybe it hasn't.

I never like seeing the L (tho she's good, it's useful and needed). But, it always moves my mind on to 'ending' and I find that hard. Also, I've been feeling a bit less sure about whether our M is worth saving. But anything I read would put it firmly in the category of 'save it.' I guess it's probably just a little phase..or maybe detachment...?

The other day, I wondered how I will deal with this dichotomy of wanting to progress with separating the financials - and telling H I don't want to D. I'll have to think about how I handle telling him that at some point.

For a while now, I have never told him I still want to save our M. Not since September I think. He now thinks I have a 'new life' here and wishes me the best. At what point do I say again that I don't want our M and R to end? Is there a risk I'll undo all my good work by saying it or if I don't, a risk that he thinks he needs to let me go now I have a 'life of my own?'

Tricky toots, I probably tell w far far too often but there's no real limit or timescale that I know of unless I've missed it in d.r

Problem I suppose is it being apropos nothing, out of the blue, context is key it seems