Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Plain Vanilla #9

Of course she's not on db, she out touring the country top down onka onka music playing full bore!

Or not?

Lol I too have serrous car envy, although the only car I rode in with a sunroof leaked round the widow. I never liked em after that.

...checks for demure classy lady entrants in uk touring car or rally competitions.... None found

Ah it must be a secret street race going on ala cannonball run gg!

Diubt shes limited the tour to this country. she's and CF have probably taken her convertible on a road trip to find some sun and warmth touring the cheese makers of southern france.

Hope you're OK V and H is behaving.

Maybe V just sped right past us? Did anyone else see that streak of red?

Gg, Edz, Gan, RD, Toots, T


Thanks for checking in on me.

Top is still up on the car but I am enjoying driving it. I have posted very little this week as frankly I have been so low. Not Vanilla like at all.

The conversation about racism has knocked a big hole in my soul. Partly because I feel that the way that I understand this is contra to the way I live and breathe. I am unsure if this is one step too far for me.

Bestie took this very badly indeed and challenged H. She has been one of H greater supporters and in helping me hold myself together. No longer.

Bestie: I hear you say you are very racist and do not like blacks? is this correct?
H: yes, those are my views
Bestie: if you do not like blacks, that means that you do not like me?
H: those are my views
bestie: you have been round my house, gone for meals with us, met my family and you hold these views?
H: yes
Bestie: and I am V best friend
H: yes

We all work in the same office!

Bestie has told me that she never wants any contact with H again.

My sitch is dragging me down and my PMA is really off.

V

Where would I be without my DB mates.

You wonderful friends have brought a smile to my face.

Will be better tomorrow, when the sun comes up.

V

V, I'm very sorry to read that conversation between H and your friend. I grew up in the American South, racism is not an unfamiliar concept to me. I don't condone it, I've just unfortunately been exposed to it a bit more than some. But that conversation was rather shocking at its disrespect to your best friend. Best to you as you work through this one.

RPP

Disappointment is one thing, but I have never heard these kinds of views from H before. If I had this H would never ever have been in my life.

So all I can do is hope for the best outcome for H. Hope is all I have left at this stage. I have to separate in my mind H behaviour from his basic worth as a being in the higher power. That H has the ability (if not the desire) to awaken to the truth. I have to let H believe what he likes although that is not my belief. These beliefs H holds if he expresses them in public are criminal offences.

I can do little for H, except hope for him.

1. I want to believe H can awaken and that H is stuck from fear.
2. Maybe this can be healing for H. Perhaps my compassion for H will induce compassion in him.
3. I have always been open about H and excuses for H are excluded from my agenda. This will continue. Where I perceive that V is being misrepresented then I will quietly put the record straight.
4. My opinions stay silent. H you are entitled to your view and I will not oppose them. They are your views, if I argue then that is likely to enclave your views and embed them. But I too have the right to my views which is a boundary issue.
5. Maybe there is something in this I need to be taught by my higher power. Perhaps this is my challenge too. To rise above the sewer and soar.
6. Change is very difficult, why should it be any easier for H than for me? We both are part of life process.

I am away to ride in my lovely red car.......
Come join me.

V

V, I still worry about you. Yes, your H is free to express what he believes. And arguing about it won't change his mind. But this just feels too similar to what I did for years on end, which is stuff my emotions and feelings and opinions down, hoping that one day it would be different. Maybe I am totally projecting onto you and you aren't doing that. For your sake, I hope not.

Love to come for a ride in your red car. You come pick me up and we'll cruise over the causeway to SoBe. It's a lovely day.

Now there is an idea.

Suppose I go with CF to my holiday flat?

V