Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Plain Vanilla #9

Zzz back to BFT

2.5 lbs off, not as good as I had wanted. Trainer says if I stick at it should be a large weight loss next week. 12lbs in a month not looking impossible.

V

Off to see POW, she just text her address will post in later.

I arranged at 12 o'clock meeting with her.

V

What is a POW?

12lbs in a month is HUGE. So is 9+....what a rock star.

Potential ow!

V, you're off to see his POW?
To warn her, or facilitate a hand off?
Or you've decided to find one of your own at this point?


(Joking! I may not be very funny at all, but I mean well.)

Can't wait to see how my Iron Lady handles this.
()

Perhaps read backwards in the thread, but she a mutal friend.

I think nilla is intending to gather Intel

Z neither, Intel. POW is a mutual friend and I wanted to find out what is going on. I am unwilling to be in the position where I am guessing and harming a friendship. If there was an R then I know for sure.

Well H may think of this lady as a POW but she does not think of herself that way!

So she is still a friend of mine and she has a steady live in boyfriend. I believe her as she was concerned as to why I was not in touch. I also met bf.

H has been going around 3 to 4 times a week with the 'pity me', 'v is the wife from hell'

I kept my cards very close to my chest but did disclose the following:
1. H is a compulsive gambler
2. H is drinking heavily and I am concerned about H lifestyle
3. I had no idea H was visiting her

That is enough, POW wants to be friend of mine again. I guess I am going to have to find another name than POW. So it is cf for casual friend.

I discovered
1. H has been visiting a different friend which CF knows about
2. H is saying some very unpleasant things about V
3. H is saying he is sober etc....a good husband, caring, loving et al..
4. H is saying V is mean and lazy and truly awful please pity me
5. POW boyfriend not keen on H visiting (mildly put)

Just said 'CF : I am sad you had to hear all of this about V from H, there are two sides to every story and when I am clearer in my emotions then we can discuss, I did not know H was visiting you and it is for that reason I feel his visits are inappropriate.'

I will reframe this and digest. I will consider making CF back into a friend.

Now to cook a meal and go GAL. Ceroc here I come even if it storms.

Never let the grass grow........

V

Gg and Z

Thanks for your support, that was very hard to do but I did it. And I am glad I did.

Would not recommend this strategy with say the fish wife but this is different.


V

V, you say that this is painful to you in your first post on this thread (and you're about as detached and GALed as possible), and you choose standing. This board is supposed to be about support, whatever directions we all choose.

Just worried from far away. You've done some soul searching and will know when you can no longer stand, but from far away, it looks like you're surviving and thriving in a sitch that is far from healthy or sustainable for the common heart.

If I may share something from an IC counselor that may have little to do with anything, but might:

My family built a 24 hour biz that thrived in CA in the 80s. Despite knock down drag out fights from alcoholic father all night most nights. The trauma was terrible, and I still have nightmares. Yet everyone got up at 6am regardless of whether we slept, and we all functioned and excelled. I was a straight A student. Ran track and field, journalism, chess, debate champ, orchestra. For years I've had a full plate that starts at 5am and ends late. IC pointed out that this level of activity is as much a coping method as anything, rationally handling things as well as possible (there was alanon Alateen support groups and I never internalized or felt like it was my fault). But it was a life long habit of keeping busy to distract from having to sit with my feelings, like a life long survival mode in the face of chaos that was created and craved. And she said I detached from H and home life similarly, which is prelude to all this going on. Angry fiery fights and cold shoulder GAL to extreme.

I'm really sorry a wonderful lady who pulls others onto dance floors is dealing with this. Thinking of you.

I'm glad it went well nilla. I was concerned for potential outcomes.

It does show h looking for validation, on things he's not doing ie being sobber, which is him trying to live a fantasy life. In that river denial, you know denial river in Egypt! Lol

I'm concerned for my friend, her new bf his actions are short. All I can do is validate and say judge people on actions.