Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Toot Alors!

Hi Jim - I tried not to kick so hard last night!

Yes, I'd love to contact H - thing is it's his B'day tomorrow and I already posted a card, plus I was planning on a little HBD text in the morning to him. It might be a bit much if I also text today...

It's weird really, and I am just kind of waiting to see where he's at following my email back to him. I think it was the right thing to do - and it does encourage him to share a bit more with me. But equally, it doesn't give him any particular cause to hope if he is hoping we might reconcile. But then, if he hasn't even told me what is happening re: the A - why would I give him cause for hope?

I also worry that the characteristics he's showing now, are similar to the problems before. He just finds it so difficult to say what he feels and wants. I would love him to read NMMNG. But then I know this is Mrs Fixit breaking out of her box again.

But I worry that he hasn't done the 'work' - you know? Also, I keep having this thought. If someone had stopped me on my wedding morning and said - your H will cheat on you in 5 years time. Do you want to still go ahead? I might have said no. Does that mean our marriage was a mistake?

I think what may be happening at the moment is he's just feeling pretty low. His life has fallen apart recently in so many ways. But is it like our old cat, who moved away to live somewhere else and only came back if he got a piece of grass stuck in his eye and needed to go to the vet?

I think H may be kind of assuming that he needs to move on now, because of what happened. Assuming that there isn't going to be able to be an us going forward. And saying 'I know it's over' - and that may not be because he wants it to be over. Oh, all mind reading I know. I don't know where I'm at at the moment really...

I decided to drop H a text as Jim suggested (thanks Jim). I'll see what kind of response I get and may or may not text tomorrow on his BD.

Another thing that's bothering me is H's oblique reference to the A as 'something' - he did 'something' stupid - got all caught up in 'something.' Why refer to it in that way, when we both know what has happened? Like it's a bit of a mystery?

Just had a friendly text back from H saying thanks for thinking of him. Says he's doing ok - he's been running, swimming and making lists - feels a bit like he's on holiday ATM. Today he's reviewing his exit paperwork. Hopes I have a nice day too. No mention of my email or a reply...glad I dropped him a text though.

Morning Toots

just catching up on whats been going on this weekend as I was here there and everywhere.

Sounds like its been a good GAL chunk this weekend, glad the knee is better this week Sounds like communications are warm with h which is good, as you know I certainly know this phase just be careful with expectations as I have to make sure I squash any in myself before interactions. Helps so much to maintain PMA before,during and after if you can do that, still learning the skill completely myself though

Have a good one

Edz

Toots

Sounds like an interesting pleasant response. Chatty and ordinary.

Ordinary is good.

V

Yes, I'm glad if he's in a pretty happy place - which he says he is. Says he is feeling pretty good so far. I would be more worried if he seemed full of self-pity and would doubt whether it was a good time for us to be back in touch again - see post about cat with grass in eye above!

I agree with vanilla, ordinary is good, especially if he is reasonably positive.

I wish I hadn't kicked so hard when I broke my foot

Hi Toots, just to echo the above, my L/C always tells me normal is good, no drama. Sounds like your upbeat which is also nice.

As Edz says, no expectations and hopefully keep on with the positive interactions.

Take care, Rd

Sorry Toots, just re read your last paragraph, it's ok to wonder, it's the mind reading that can get you bothered. It would be weird if you didn't wonder where your H is heading but the mindreading can take you down the wrong road very quickly.

Again, take care

Busy day working and travelling - and have a cold too, so feeling a bit below par this evening. It was H's Bday today. I had already sent him a card. I dropped him a HBD text and he said thanks - made a nice comment about the card. I figure that's enough contact from me for now.

I see the solicitor tomorrow and will hopefully know that the proposed plan to sell the house is okay. H didn't respond to my email (tho has responded pleasantly to texts in the meantime) and I figure if he wants to move things forward he can come back to me. I"ll leave it for a week or so and see what happens I think.