Thanks so much all. I just emailed him along the lines of what I suggested above, but incorporating your suggestions Susana. Not done anything other than think about my sitch this morning and it's noon now! Think I'll get out for a walk now. I'll update you when there's further news.
T x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
Well, we have a good mutual female friend, who keeps in touch with us both, and is supportive of our M. I have held off asking her anything since I started DBing as it was 'against the rules.' To her, I have been presenting myself as moving forwards and enjoying what new life has to offer. I could ask her and ask that she doesn't tell H.
Otherwise, it's asking him direct (not very appealing, but is it best to be direct?) or asking a mutual male friend, but TBH that friend is more 'his' - tho I know he was against the A relationship. The final person is his XW, who again has been very pro our R and against the A. But that just feels a bit weird. Plus, I'm not sure who, if anyone, yet knows of his redundancy and I don't want to go around breaking that news to others...
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Toots, I would hold off asking, if he is, is that the end for you ? if he says no, can you believe him ? I know you keep upto date with my sitch (very kind, thank you) and my W still denies OM is anything but a good friend. I have asked her to just tell me when we are on our own and she can deny it 5 mins later but just to let me move on, she still denies it.
Asking could set back any pro M thoughts he is having or put you in a worse place.
Well, we have a good mutual female friend, who keeps in touch with us both, and is supportive of our M. I have held off asking her anything since I started DBing as it was 'against the rules.' To her, I have been presenting myself as moving forwards and enjoying what new life has to offer. I could ask her and ask that she doesn't tell H.
Otherwise, it's asking him direct (not very appealing, but is it best to be direct?) or asking a mutual male friend, but TBH that friend is more 'his' - tho I know he was against the A relationship. The final person is his XW, who again has been very pro our R and against the A. But that just feels a bit weird. Plus, I'm not sure who, if anyone, yet knows of his redundancy and I don't want to go around breaking that news to others...
If you ask a cheater directly if they're cheating, and they're not anymore, they'll say "No, I'm not."
If you ask a cheater directly if they're cheating, and they still are, they'll say "No, I'm not."
Good luck with that, lol.
No, I wouldn't involve anyone else. All you can do is have independent intel in place, and if you don't you can TELL him (as in "Well, I would only be interested if OW were not still in the picture -- and I mean NO CONTACT -- my position hasn't changed on that"), but you can't ASK him.
