Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Part 13 - contents (un)lucky for some

Mmm dinner was goooood, used up the veg and pork from last night with some cooked off chicken breast and a curry paste then sweated down and added to boiled rice.

Mmmm.

Sooooo full now though. Was good left the naan in the freezer since I had rice.

W emailed me with a picture of S's room. Bed looks nice as its the one from the flat which has his storage sections. Couldn't see all of the room, nice colour but from what I can see its more a play room. Of course the apartment has bigger bedrooms. Well hey I'm happy with his room here and he loves it even if its small. A little sad he has two and w's hard work and effort doesn't point to any r soon, ah well I'm not obsessing, very chilled tonight (and very full of curry!)

Big big news on bft she's in her radiator bed, got this for her when we moved every week I put her in it every week she jumps down. Tonight she's in a snuggled fluffy ball in there. Sent w an emailed pic she said shall she send (her cat) over as they used to fight over one many years ago and her cat would sit underneath and poke bft in the behind to get her out!

Anyway just chilling now. No alcohol tonight (just being good have red wine in the kitchen) as I'm watching the consumption this week.

Ahhh, the lure of the sofa was just too strong she has moved over and is now back to wrestling for cushion space with me!

Maybe, but from what you tell us, she's sounding a little jealous of your R with S. Maybe this is her way of trying to level the playing field? A sign of her discomfort rather than comfort? She did after all send you a photo of said room!

Hi g

There's probably something to that. Honestly I dont know and I'm trying not to mind read I know I felt like this about s visiting before Christmas so I'm open to change coming when I'm not expecting it.

Evening edz. how is house of cards?

i'm going to leap in with 4 different interpretations of the photo your wife sent you of S bedroom

1) she is really proud of her handywork and wanted to share with you
2) she is settling in on permanent basis
3) she is worried about S' relationship with you and is getting competitive
4) she wants you to be involved in all the aspects of S' life

or something else entirely.

No way to know so no point trying, relaxing with BFT is a much better plan. I'm a little sceptical about your curry recipe for this evening though.....

Mmm curry was yummmmmmm

I think my guess on w is somewhere between 1 and 4 and/or all the others. Honestly just relaxing this evening, I want her to want to work with me to r but for now I'll just work on me. I know 1 is true, 3 is true that started with the PlayStation etc she's always said 4 before during and after bd (this is the one I'd say is the likely one and I'd pick it over the others tbh). 2 well 2 is anyone's guess, unless she's obfuscating I dont think w knows about 2. As with all things time will tell I suppose.

House of cards is excellent if you like political dramas, west wing, uk house of cards or similar, on episode 11 two more and I'll have to see if season 2 is available to view!

Morning all.

Sunny morning this morning. Could have done without being awoken by bft redistributing last nights supper on the stairs but never mind.

Working from home as they are rodding the drains today (nice!) so tea and kettle getting a workout for the builders this morning.

Didnt have the begining of the week slump this week which was good, started a new exercise regime at home (nothing manic just stretches and some work on the muffiny areas which seem reluctant to move with swimming). Bit achy from that today but we'll see how that goes, swimming tomorrow so may splurge for the hot spa as well although money is horribly tight to the end of the month.

Feeling a little down today, its a different layer of the onion today though, not the same just feels a bit like im stuck on a very long dark road and dont know whats more than a few feet ahead, I suppose even if w is interested in reconciling Im not sure how we get from separate places to moving forward. I put some thought into this, I sat down and though OK Edz how did we get together and realised we were very open from day one. Sleeping on each others sofas (we were in different counties at the time) if we were out late, different times obviously.

Coming up on the 7 month mark of living alone now, nothing for some of you I know, but I do feel different now. Thanks to my councelling and working on myself the dependency monster seems to have taken a holiday, I dont feel the way I did in needing someone to validate me but I do miss being part of a partnership and having that closeness (as well as everything that goes along with it).

Still not thinking about dating, Im still holding out for my M right now though I know I cant be wifes plan b forever, right now Im just relaxing, calming myself rather than getting wound up in having to attach myself to w or someone else.

Had a long chat with my dad the other night who kept bringing the conversation back to what was happening (I dont get them involved as much as possible as much as they care and want to help it wouldnt help to keep things smooth for w and ultimately they help me enough with practicalities and just being there) he kept saying I should just say what does w want and start looking for someone else. I didnt want to get into this with him and so didnt. Right now ultimatums, forcing decisions etc is a cheeseless tunnel. The best I can imagine is getting a very fast 'no' by taking that approach so not going there.

Hi Edz, your last few lines re forcing decisions, etc is completly how I feel. If your W was ready, you would know. As others have said on here, its upto the WAS to want to comeback and work, no point in them coming back half aresd or for the wrong reasons.

Your sounding strong.

Take care, RD

Thanks RD, yes most things are ok. Money is a problem but I have some plans for rejigging. Have a thread of lonliness at the moment, I'd like someone to share times with, I have been out with friends at the office more, GAL swimming etc (didnt get to the gym yet as Ive wonderfully been quite busy with s) but throughout Im feeling something missing in not having my partner.

Maybe was like that before and was just swamped with feeling I needed someone to affirm I existed and it would all be ok, past that now so maybe - as I mentioned - this is the next layer of the onion.

We shall see I suppose.

Yes, much as I want w back I dont, ever, want things as they were before bd. In retrospect they were quite awful for all of us, I believe I know what I needed to and continue to work on in myself and feel Im progressing but W has issues that brought problems and issues she still needs to work on for herself regardless of the M (her dependency on s's time for one). Thats on top of her wanting to work on the m and thats before we get to the chewy core of her actually wanting to still be with / have feelings for me.

Sigh, well they say peeling onions makes you cry I suppose

Edz, money is always a problem !!!! I am almost 50 and have seen highs and lows re money and at the end of the day, once you have a roof over your head and enough to eat your blessed.

Your R with your son sounds fantastic and again, I know exactly how you feel. My kids always loved me unconditionally but now the bond between us is amazing, it's like a phyisical thing. I often think that I needed this crap to happen to make me oprn my eyes. I was so luck in life but could only see the negatives.

The sadness is very hard to deal with but compared to millions of others on this planet with have sooo much to be grateful for.

I longed for 'someone ' to share with but really I want W back.
I have way to much contact with W to let go but it's something I have to accept for now because of my kids.

A very wise man once said , @hit happens, I just wish said wise man had told us how to deal with it.

Take care Rd