Again this morning more upset. I overheard my D8 saying to my wife that she dreamt last night that daddy had left to be with another woman!! My wife again asked me if D8 is just pushing buttons. I said no she will know something is wrong. She is ringing the counsellor today to try and get an appointment. She has also started to read a book on daughters who lost their mothers. The only plus I can take is that at least she is trying to get some help.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
It worked for me, but it's against DB teaching and we're not supposed to talk about it on here (or post links to other sites, for that matter). It's a pretty mainstream strategy though.
Sorry I didn't know I wasn't supposed to post links. I apologise for that. when you say it worked for you, what did you do? who did you tell? how long after? how did you go about it?
sorry for the questions but this has put a new slant on things. I currently feel like im an enabler as im keeping quiet to nearly everyone about why we are separating all the time she continues her affair in secret. None of her family and friends know and we are going to lie to our daughter about why im leaving. I don't want that. She will find out one day and then what will she think. For the record I am quite prepared to tell the truth about me. I was thinking of along the lines just before I move out. "this is the last time im going to bring this up but I don't want a divorce, I do want to work on our marriage but that involves you ending your affair with OM as im not prepared to live in a marriage with 3 people and committing to working on our marriage. Are you prepared to do this?"
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
Again, we're not allowed to discuss it on here. If you want, I can post you the links to my sitch and you can read all of the things I did, effective and not-so-much.
I certainly do NOT think you need to LIE to people when they ask you. In fact, I strongly advise most people to tell their wayward spouse "I have decided that I'm no longer willing to lie to cover up your affair."
I'm coming round to that way of thinking. What the hell am I lying for? Who am I protecting? My wife and OM that's who. I have nothing to lose as I've already lost it if you believe what my wife says
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
Sorry I didn't know I wasn't supposed to post links. I apologise for that. when you say it worked for you, what did you do? who did you tell? how long after? how did you go about it?
sorry for the questions but this has put a new slant on things. I currently feel like im an enabler as im keeping quiet to nearly everyone about why we are separating all the time she continues her affair in secret. None of her family and friends know and we are going to lie to our daughter about why im leaving. I don't want that. She will find out one day and then what will she think. For the record I am quite prepared to tell the truth about me. I was thinking of along the lines just before I move out. "this is the last time im going to bring this up but I don't want a divorce, I do want to work on our marriage but that involves you ending your affair with OM as im not prepared to live in a marriage with 3 people and committing to working on our marriage. Are you prepared to do this?"
Trying to talk rational to a WAS is an excersize in futility.
You did see however that she can be steered strongly by her emotions. Thus the daughter noticing the ring off and having the dream that daddy left, did indeed "push some buttons" on her...
You as the LBS have lost most of your power in "pushing buttons", only buttons you have at this time is refusing to financially or emotionally support her on the path she is on.
There is no guarantee's she will come back to you either and you have to accept that.
I'm glad to see the daughter could affect her so greatly in that she wants to see a councelor.
My wife asked for "time apart" yeah I know what that means. If I don't go she will move out with D8 and I cant afford to live in our house on my own. To be honest im currently thinking this over again. The more I think the more I feel like calling her out on it and if she wants to go she can go. Any thoughts?
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
My wife asked for "time apart" yeah I know what that means. If I don't go she will move out with D8 and I cant afford to live in our house on my own. To be honest im currently thinking this over again. The more I think the more I feel like calling her out on it and if she wants to go she can go. Any thoughts?
