But, I did wonder if my silence (outside of the email) would play a role. Since we have been speaking again, and losing that, I guess... maybe somewhere... there was a thought that he would notice it. Especially since he did before. So I did look the this morning and yesterday morning (2x4) and saw he did not stay at hww's. I did think, perhaps, he was thinking bout things. BUT DUH!!!!!! I'm and IDIOT for thinking like that! THATS the stuff that is KILLING ME!
You are not an idiot, Mighty. Stop beating yourself up. It doesnt serve you well. We all get to where we need to be in our own time and in our own way. BUT, thinking like that ^^^^ is just not good for you. It just isnt, sweetie. You are going to make yourself crazy doing that.
Originally Posted By: Mighty
I thought about a person, a mutually close person, who probably said to xh- hey dummy, you are killing Mighty by doing that in her face. Get a grip! So, maybe he stopped for two days. So what. Could be totally inaccurate and probably is. But, it was a realization that I can't do that stinkin' thinkin'!
Ayep...so, stop that LOL! And no more mindreading.
Originally Posted By: Mighty
So, I was not so pretty all the time. It bothers me that that's probably what he will remember me by. What sent him running (among other things). All the great memories he said he missed and he thought about while he was gone... are probably now going to be pushed to the wayside. Now he will probably remember crazy. But, it was a short period of time. Maybe that will pass.
Ok, that ^^^ is not good, Mighty. At all. Really? You think amidst all of the cr@p that you were dealing with, that you should have worried about being pretty? And THAT is the reason he left? Mighty, he left because he is screwed up in his head. Totally. Fully. There isnt anything that you could have done that could stop this crisis. Nothing. It was his destiny.
Mighty, you are not a disappointment or a let down. You are an amazing woman, incredibly strong and caring, funny and smart. Please dont allow his brokenness to make you feel less than. Dont worry about where you are at right now. Just worry about taking care of you.
You have got to let him go, Mighty. Really and truly. Let him go. Leave him to figure himself out. He isnt worthy of you right now. He really isnt.
I cannot allow you to continue to blame yourself for his crisis, his actions, his words. They are his. Let him have them, M. Give them all back to him.
Treat yourself with care, M. You deserve nothing less.
Haha! uR... I meant pretty in my actions and behavior. I have no idea what I looked like on the outside. Good, bad... whatever.
You are right! I am coming to terms with things... slowly. But, the thinking- I get it. Terrible and doing no good. Those thoughts serve no purpose only to set myself up for disappointment. I am admitting, to myself, that I did have them. I was in denial, I think.
Peeling back the layers. Recognizing the destructive thoughts and patterns... letting them fall away. Well.... more like ripping them off while kicking and screaming, slamming them to the floor, then jumping on them. A few words through the dialect of a truck driver... dusting off my shoulder... then looking at the next layer.
Have I ever mentioned how graceful I am?
uR, "He isn't worthy of you right now." You are right. Nor do I want to be in that cycle of chaos. He can leave all that mess for her. And she for him. I feel quite fine with that.
Ahem... me. OK, me. Had a nice chat with my mom tonight. She really knows her stuff. I don't use her enough, but she is so wise. She has been through this stuff. And she is a reader and spiritual, and so knowledgeable and intuitive.
It's kind of weird, you would think she was a vet of these boards. She always says the exact same things, gives the same advice which has graced these boards for years... like the bible. Plus, she is so positive, uplifting, motivated, and has amazing energy and strength. Everyone in town calls her a saint. She never stops moving and is always doing for others.
She had emailed me a video clip, An Interview with God. It is short but nice. Just thought I'd share.
Ellie- my hands are free... I'm tending to the rope burn. The last time I will have it.
Hi Mighty - I like the video clip. Made me cry. Anyway, I've been following your sitch from the very beginning. You - fantastic, fabulous you - have SO much going for you. Don't waste another minute dwelling on his mess. I KNOW that's easier said than done, and I backslide still today, but really, you've got your life to live. He is going to be in la-la land for quite a while yet. And to me, his spending time with HWW seems to be so much more about the baby, than it is about her. He will get tired of her craziness. This is no long-term thing you're looking at. No way. She's a freakin' nut case -- and you're NOT. He's got to sort this stuff out. Let him. Concentrate on your life. When he's ready to lead a sane life again, you'll know. Then you can decide what you want.
But, I always think, if it really is true love, you will find your way back to each other. And then, you'll both be different people -- better, stronger, wiser people. Nobody knows what the future holds. But, in the meantime, while we're 'waiting for it', we need to experience life and fully live. Or -- in the wise words of Ferris Bueller -- 'we just might miss it'!
Me 53, XH 57 M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids BD June '13 H moved out July '13 Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14 H filed for D Nov. '14 D March '15
Your mom sounds like an incredible woman...I am not surprised, look at her daughter.
I knew what you meant by pretty, M. You acted as you did. You were in a sort of crisis of your own, I think. Not one deep like his, though. Not at all. Just a mix of feelings all scrambled up.
You have to let that all go, too. Just let it go. You are carrying such a heavy ball, M. Throw it away. Get rid of it. Toss it at him. It's mostly his stuff anyway.
Live! Great to hear from ya! That was a great post. Thank you. Glad you like the video clip. It made me cry, too. And yes... what I'm looking for is to become better, stronger, and wiser.
I read my inspiration app every morning before I get out of bed. Today's was, "The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit." Psalm 34:18. Gotta say, it helped me get out of bed and kept me strong today... well at least most of it! (Ahem, we will ignore the freak-out session in my car.)
Anyway, I have to relearn this communication crapola. I am just not ready yet. I got a text tonight from xh, "Hi Mighty! What do you want to do about the taxes?"
Eewww! Leave me alone! That's what I was thinking. I didn't open it; I just left it. I was thinking I'd just leave it alone, not even think about it until tomorrow.
About 3 minutes he started calling my phone. Eeeewwwwww!! I bumped it to voicemail.
About another 2 minutes passed and he texted, "S17 got a call today for a job interview." (Xh has s17's phone since we took it from him about a month ago.)
I was thinking, why the heck did he wait until 9:20 at night to send that? It's not like s17 can call now. But, he probably just saw the message.
Then, I heard d13 on her phone upstairs and call to s17 about he call. Xh called her. Both kids spoke to him. Then d13 came down and showed me she broke her phone- right after they hung up. OK, how many is that now? (I never mentioned that s17's broke the week of Christmas, too!) We are keeping the iphone repair shop in business!
So, there is a place right near where xh works that fixes them. And, since I have paid for several phones being fixed, I told her to ask him. She wanted to call from mine- and it is currently the only working one here. I was hesitant, but told her it was fine.
Next thing you know, she walks into my room and hands me the phone- "Dad wants to talk to you."
Ugh. Not prepared. Was avoiding.
He asked what I want to do about the phone. Said he'd take it but do I want to pay? I said that I've paid for several. He started crying about how "upside down" he is with money- I cut him off... "That's not my problem." So he started saying something else about it, and I just said, "Don't worry. I'll handle it, just like everything else. Bye." Click.
I hate being a b. I really do. But, I'm not in the mood and I was caught off guard. I know, not really an excuse, but c'mon!
OK, I am finding a balance.... somewhere. OK, maybe not finding... but searching.
Mighty this too shall pass. I felt angry too after a set back when my ex tried getting closer a few months ago. They are dangerous to us when they are still in their crisis. We have to be stronger and protect ourselves from them. I know I did everything possible and then even more to try and make our marriage work and so did you. You deserve that same loyalty and love in return.
Even my SD wanted me to date. She ws fed up with her D. I'm trying to open myself up. I've gone on a couple of dates. I'm scared but trying, YOu will to when you are ready. Life doesn't need to be so complicated.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Mighty - I can completely relate to the part of you that knows your H but a lot of the time he just isn't that guy anymore. Being realistic is not being hopeless. You are just having to deal with so much interaction. I think I am lucky that my H vanished.
You are doing so well. We all hear it and I think in your heart you know it too. Hang in there.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Aahhhhh!!! I had to call ding-dong about s17. I got a call from s17s school. There were kids being goofy in school and they couldn't prove who did/didn't participate. He promises he didn't do anything & bent out of shape, but we will talk later. I had to call xh since the principal called me & we have been working as a team to get him on track. I hate it though. I have too much anger & rage for him right now to even deal w him at all. It came out.
Xh did text me this morning with "Morning! I gave s17 his phone so he can call about the interview."
Why??? He needs to back off.
I am shaking the phone convo off. Wanna shake him off.
Looking forward to tonight! Gonna have some fun! Wooo HOO!
