Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Feeling lost

What has the counsellor advised about his need to rock out?

The counsellor said that he has responsibilities and commitments and in the past his solution has been to throw his hands in the air and walk away, which obviously isn't working so he needs to find another solution. It was our first (and only) session so it was more us just getting everything out on the table.

Unfortunately he won't go back. He thinks he was a waste of time and money.
I'm unsure whether to push the issue. I'm sure he would go if I asked and said it meant a lot to me but not sure if there's much point if he's so shut off towards the R.

What about his dad? I can't believe his mom won't talk to him especially since he's got young kids

I would leave his family out of it (per Sandi's rules). He wants a taste of freedom? Fine. Give it to him. Take the kids and go, see a lawyer, and make a life for yourself. Or stay in the house, but start going out in the evenings and let him take over the home responsibilities. Tell him: You know, now that you'd mention it, I'd like to have some fun too, so I'll be out tonight. Then don't tell him where you're going and be sure to come home late. Let him wonder. It's stupid to play games at this point, but sometimes that's the only thing that wakes them up.

Hi Ahoy,
Sorry about the late reply and thank you for the advice.

Everything has been much the same. I have not text him for 2 days which is good for me, I know that sounds pathetic because it's only two days!
Still living in the same house but he has worked nights so have barely seen each other.

Yesterday before he left for work he said he would be going to a friends for a bbq and drinks. I said okay have fun. I Took the kids to the park and McDonald's for lunch and then spent the evening at my mums.
He crawled into bed at 4am!!

Kids woke us about around 8am. I asked him if he was working tonight and he said no. So I asked if he could watch the kids so I could go out. He said "where are you going? Who with? Why do you want to go out?" Then he said "well see if your mum can watch them because I'll go out aswell" I said "so because I'm going out you have to?" And he said "Yep!"
We get out of bed and 10 mins later he says "okay how about if you let me go back to bed and have a sleep now I'll watch the kids for you tonight" I agreed.

Oh and this morning our son grabbed H's old iPhone box and I said "hey buddy that's Daddys can I have it please"
H shot up out of bed SO fast to see what was happening and I'm sure he thinks that our son had his phone. So I'm sure there's texts etc he doesn't want me seeing.

His dad wouldn't get involved either. I wish someone would at least say to him not to abandon his family!
All his friends are single or have no children so I don't think they would be telling him to grow up and that the grass isn't always greener. I'm sure they are happy to be able to go out drinking with him again.

Good for you, jess. I hope you went out and had a good time. Now do more of that.
Don't expect family and friends to get involved -- it would just push him further away anyway, because he'd think you were behind it. Just go about your merry way and have fun. I'm sure he'd feel differently if it were YOU coming home at 4 a.m.

Well tonight was a total disaster. I left to go out with a few friends and was basically interrogated as to where I was going, who with and why was I wearing "that" (jeans and a singlet top?!)

All going well and I'm having a laugh with friends then I get a text. "Where are the baby wipes" then another with a few profanities asking where the wipes were. And I reply as to where they are. He rings 4 times and miss them. The texts from him then went something like this...

"Why won't you answer the phone!"

"F.. You"

"Too busy slu.... Around to answer the phone"

"F you"

"Too worried about going out instead of leaving me with supplies to change you childs nappy!"

There was about 15 texts all up and SEVENTEEN missed calls!!

I simply replied that I wasn't answering because I didn't want to be abused and told him where the wipes were, apparantely there was none left so I apologised and said to use a wet cloth.

I sent a text saying that he's ruined my night and he replied "good"

I'm actually really really upset. I would never purposely not leave any baby wipes and now I just feel like a horrible mother. I nearly started crying in the middle of the restaurant.

I got home and just ignored him and he went on and on about the damn baby wipes and how selfish I am and why wouldn't I answer my phone. I turned around to leave again just to go for a drive and he said "I hope you get into an accident"
So now I'm in tears. He is being so horrible to me!! Who would say something so horrible!?

jess, he baited you. Next time don't respond by picking up the phone. Text back and say it's too loud where you are to talk, then text where the wipes are located. Don't ever get into a yelling match with him, don't let him ruin your fun. Read sandi's rules again. Apply them. Put on a happy face in front of him -- I know it feels fake but you have to fake it until you make it.

Jess, I know this is a 'save your M' forum, so maybe I shouldn't say this, but your question shouldn't be 'HOW do I save my R?' but instead 'WHY do I want to save my R?'