Thanks everyone for their input, I think it's really useful to have a list like this! Interesting point on the porn/romance novels, Cadet, so are you saying that's the case in every situation? Why do you think that happens? Just because in order to walk away, they need a fantasy of something 'better' to be pulled towards?
I don't want to get this thread too far off topic, but starsky, what about in cases where you don't have a car? (I don't want to go down that road anyway, I think it would make *me* feel guilty and would be too hard to listen to, but I am curious)
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
In my experience, I have observed that it truly is "where there is a will, there's a way." Since it sounds like you don't want to do this right now anyway, there's no sense going into a bunch of snooping tech details.
I am a man of faith, and a man of prayer. I found that when I would pray each morning "Lord, please let me see and hear the things I need to see and hear today in order to protect me and my family," that He did, and He gave me the strength to stomach it. But that's just me.
Here are the signs that I picked in retrospect after I wised up.
- Going out for walks or drinks more often than ever. Always an excuse, like colleagues organizing something, going with a friend. - Increased texting. Like, a lot more. - Absent-minded. Just seem to have a lots to think about. - Starts talking about someone new, seems enthusiastic, then stops mentioning that person ever. - Gets defensive and curt when asked about having an affair, makes it unpleasant to broach the topic. - Changes in friends, especially towards those that might be supportive of an A, like single or divorced friends. Stays away from married and stable friends. - Acts like a junkie as far as OP is concerned. It becomes very important to participate to X, to be available at a given time, hides to text NOW, etc. If you get in the way, even unknowingly, they get nasty. - Less patience for the R. More fights. Irritated by our presence, existence.
In my case, I believe my W was conflicted and made some minor attempts at connecting with me, mostly to convince herself that I was a lost cause.
I haven't read the signs in your sitch, so I don't even know if they match.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Interesting point on the porn/romance novels, Cadet, so are you saying that's the case in every situation? Why do you think that happens? Just because in order to walk away, they need a fantasy of something 'better' to be pulled towards?
Well if you look deeper into infidelity, I think it can be tied to some sort of depression. There are different types of depression, overt(obvious) and covert(hidden). And different reactions to each kind. My wife was overtly depressed, and I was not inside her head but I am pretty sure she has some sort of fantasy going on in there to make her do the things that she did.
MWD talks about cheese less tunnels and how they must go down every single one looking for one that will bring them the prize.
All I can say is sometimes it takes a long time to search all those tunnels. Our best bet is to focus on ourselves and keep moving forward.
It took me quite a long time to understand that just because I could not see any infidelity that it was not still occurring.
Most cases that we see on these boards it is much more obvious that their is an affair.
In my sitch I think my wife has convinced herself she's not having an affair... Though she most certainly is! The ability of people having A's to post rationalise is staggering!
But all the classic signs were said/done.
I love u but not in love with you Can't see any happiness in the past in the relationship Accused me of being controlling (really I felt her slipping away so natural reaction)
And many more, deep down I think you know if it's happening.
T:13 yrs M:11 Me: 36 Her: 33 Living apart Her having affair She Asked me to move out 26th jan 2015 3 kids D13 S10 D10 D not mentioned yet
agree with everything youve said Sad36. My wife is the same. I just dont understand how she can rationalise what she is doing. destruction of a family unit for what is most probably a fantasy pipe dream. I had a lot of blame aimed at me in the last 6 months. When i found out 2 weeks ago and read everything i could on affairs and the fog it is a very common tactic. From the outside looking in, her decisions dont make any sense. If this was someone else she would be mortified. But with the chemicals causing through her veins and with no attempt to stop she will continue to make decisions which seem to defy belief.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
