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Hi RD

One piece of advice had is to acknowledge your feelings - let yourself feel sad, angry, but 'challenge' your thoughts. We all do this 'unhelpful thinking' to an extent - oh, he's forgotten about me now, he must be really happy etc. And before we know it, we're believing those thoughts, which are just that - our thoughts - not reality. Reality might well be quite different...

RD, find out about mindfulness.

It helps you combat the unhelpful thinking Toots mentioned above by examining whether what you are thinking is true.

You focus on the breath. If you really focus, your mind cannot wander. It will, but when you catch yourself doing it, come back to the breath.

I found a podcast by Aussie Oli Doyle helpful, but the are loads out there.

May the force be with us.

(Not so) Old Dog xx

RPP Liam is mine!

RD do you really deep in your heart think W is happy with OM?

What are the choices?

1. School girl style infatuation with a 'bad boy'
2. Deep passion to last a life time
3. A dalliance in light style
4. A dream of nothing
5. A deep and meaningful friendship
6. Clutching at straws with a loser/user

I posted a light look at OPs on dawns thread, and I am concerned that you are wrapped in unnecessary pain which would ease if my wonderful RD detached.

So my loving friend is W really happy enough in her sitch? If that is the case why is W still living single in her own place? why not with OM? Is this because her children have not accepted OM? Or are they living together? How does OM cope with W spending so much time at RDs.

V

Toots. Old dog. Jim rppl. Thank you all. I do practice mindfulness and it works well for me however when you are faced with certain facts and assumptions based on what you see it's hard not to let your mind fill in the blanks.

W is very unhappy and would normally breakdown once or twice a week with me about her sitch re money ,kids and life is general I also know my W is a strong person who will live with her choices.

Her OM is someone who she would normally avoid. W has told me she enjoys his company and he is a great friend. I don't thi my W would end this friendships as she is from the uk and her only family in Ireland are us. Without us OM is all she has. Even if she wanted to get away from him she would be on her own as all her new friends work with her and him. No one of our friends from our life know she is gone as she won't tell them because she believes they would not understand why she left her kids or me

Vanilla. W appears to be living on her own with OM staying there ( I don't know how much)
He has a council flat which I don't think he would give up

W seems to be running around after him alot and that's also not her normally as I said she is a strong person but seems to have fallen under his spell. I confide I a few close friends and family who all think its not physical , as does LC but I don't agree. Kids will never accept this OM m maybe a different one down the road

As regards amount of time W spends here , I agree , it's a bit unusual and I could give a lot of examples where W looks for advice or moral support from me , which would not support OM as a deep R.

Thank you all for your support. I think I have been bottling up a lot of thoughts and I need to post them on here for you guys to advise and or support. Thank you take care RD

Vanilla, Liam is all yours. I've never been one to fawn over movie stars. I appreciate a good piece of eye candy when I see it, but other than that, I'd rather dwell on real life guys. Right now, I just don't have any prospects..... Sigh.

RD you are right on about posting instead of bottling things up. So many times I've thrown something out there and someone gives me a different way to look at it. Then I can let it go. Keep posting! And have a great weekend.

Thanks Rppfl and don't think i didn't get the hint about real life guys !!!!!!!!!!

Take care. RD

Hi all just watching over the roast and thought I would ask for a few opinions

Last nite got a text from W asking me to tell the kids goodnight and to say sorry for all the upset is caused. I texted her back that kids and I were watching film and don't worry to much about her stichs as things will work out one way or another'.
In Ws text she also mentioned enjoying look at some old photos of us and kids that we looked at together on my phone. In my text back I put that the photos were great and maybe our past wasn't all bad with exclamation marks. W text back that it was not at all bad and was mostly good. We texted back and forth a few jokes about my new ZEN like mindset and she texted she felt like her mindset was more Thelma and Louise

I have given up mind reading as I am usually wrong but W just called me and sounded so down its sad to hear.

I asked for opinions but after posting I can see I am just journaling. Better check on roast. Take care. Rd

Hi RD - I'll offer my 0.2 anyway. It looks to me as though what you are going is working rather than otherwise, so I would keep on doing what is working. However, it is early days and best to keep your expectations low, and keep working on detachment. Respond to your W with 80% of her enthusiasm etc.

Remember, given the severity of what has happened in most of our sitches, there would need to be evidence that our S's have had a significant awakening and they want to turn back to the M from the very bottom of their hearts.

Hope things continue to go well for you...don't burn that roast!!

Toots x

Thanks Toots. Roast turned out well and after a good healthy roast beef roast potatoes carrots broccoli and garden peas I finished off with vanilla ice cream crowned with a Cadburys cream egg !!!!! No wonder my kids love me

I think W is regreting her choices but who knows ?

Thanks for posting


Take carre. Rd

RD, she probably is regretting her choices, but that doesn't mean she knows how to fix it.

When I was in high school, my bf was in college and he broke up with me to date another girl. (At least he had the decency not to cheat!). A few months later, we got back together. He told me that he realized within a week that he'd made a mistake, that he wanted me back, but he didn't say anything because he knew I wouldn't take him back. He was right. It wasn't until I started dating his best friend that he had the guts to approach me, and at that point I was ready to listen.

I'm pretty sure my MIL deeply regrets leaving her 2nd H, but she won't do anything about it.

Be patient with your W. I know it's hard to hear how unhappy she is, but she has to be the one to do something about it.

How's that for advice when you didn't actually ask for any?