During this Dark time I have been working on me and developing new friends and my PMA is up and will be regardless of how my R w/ C ends up. Still no word from C since Sunday afternoon when I got camper. I do see her on the IM so she has not blocked me from that and I have not blocked her on mine so she can see when I am online if she checks. for now tho just sit back and wait and see if she sticks her head back out of cave or not.
scheduled a physical exam for Monday by a FAA approved Dr. - the Flight physical is actually the student pilot's licence and is needed to solo. I am getting close to that and do not want to slow it down because I don't have the physical.
1) C left him on IM 2) Odga didn't wreck the plane
Thanks for posting! Just like to know you are hanging around! I'm selfish, I admit it! LOL. I like to be surrounded by friends! You all seem familiar and I hate to see someone leave, someday we all will, but I hope it will be for good reasons. Like reconnection with our S's, which means we are so busy we don't have time to come here to post!
Just got back from a nice afternoon with a friend at the zoo. The weather was really good but all the animals sleeping - Mid afternoon is really not a good time to see the animals but it is good for watching people. It is interesting to watch how people interact.
Still not word from C - She is really in her cave all the way for now and I don't know when she will polk her head out again.
a week ago from this afternoon was my last contact w/ C. Had time to reflect on several things.
1. right after the bomb on Aug 9, 03 she said she did not think we would ever get back together but that I was a good man and that she wanted to remain friends. (unknown to me at this time she had already started a EA and maybe even a PA)
2. after DBing for a month before the D in oct 14, 03 she said that as for the D she felt she was going to go ahead but did reserve the right to change her mind but that we could keep dating.
3. within a month of the D we ML and seemed to start reconnecting.
4. around the end of Nov and first of Dec she commented about one of her clients that had divorced then later remarried and that they were now happier than ever. and also stated that if we did get back together she did not see before a year.
4. ML backed down some in Jan and on Feb 1 she dropped bomb 2 of telling me of OG and then retreating complety.
5. last Sunday when I went over to pick up the camper and move it to a storage lot she asked me if I would watch puppy when she went away for weekend w/ og. I kinda got very angry and blew it some. At that time she did offer to let me have the puppy. I told her that puppy was a anniversary gift to her. Before I left though she said that she had hoped that us being friends would work as we always had fun together. As I left she gave me a really nice hug and a little kiss.
6. no contact since then
7. I had ordered a futon mattress and it was to be delivered to her house with her futon on Monday. I am sure that if I do not contact her she will have to contact me to ask how I am going to get the mattress.
8. She still does my checks (altho she said that in reality her bookkeeper does them but the bookkeeper uses C's office computer and all my corporate accounting records are in C's office) Picking up checks can be a way to maintain some contact
9. She said it would be a good idea for me to continue seeing the grandkids and niece and nephew. Her Counselor said the same thing. And both parents are ok with that.
10. for now I am going to continue seeing her Counselor on a monthly basis.
11. When we last spoke last Sunday she said that we should have no contact for a few days then get together and talk about us.
OK - questions
1. when we do talk again, do I agree to see her and do things with her from time to time and try to maintain the "having fun" relationship. (if I do then she would have to be considerate of my feelings and not intentionally say things that hurt me)
2. do I continue to try to see the Kids, even though they are not mine?
3. Do I continue to try to see the puppy from time to time?
4. do I continue to see her counselor?
5. do I break off all contact move my payroll to somewhere else so she can really miss me?
6. do I block her from seeing me on IM or leave that "door" open just a little by letting her see my activity from day to day?
You were well within your rights (boundaries) to not be a puppy sitter so that C could go on a trip with OG. That's an abuse of your 'friendship' for her to even be so inconsiderate as to ask.
As for the Futon, there's nothing wrong with your calling her to ask about picking it up. She knows you're expecting it and will think you're 'sulking' if you don't even ask about it.
As to you accounting, YES, if I were you I'd move my financial records elsewhere.
If you want to see the kids, then of course you should. Just be sure it's ONLY to have time with them because you love them and NOT a way to stay connected to C in any way.
Find your own counselor. Even though the counselor will NOT divulge any direct convo you have with her to C...it will leak out in her talks with C because the counselor has the benefit of knowing EXACTLY where you're coming from.
A friendship is a TWO WAY street. In what ways is C showing YOU how much of a friend she is?
As to whether or not it's over...it's over when YOU decide to step away for good for your OWN reasons not hers.
T2
PS. I wanted to add something here. You are legally Divorced. You seem like a terrific guy that's learned a great deal about yourself and relationships as a result of this process. So instead of sitting around waiting for C to get her act together, GO OUT meet someone, get laid (safe sex of course!), live a little. Life's to damn short.
Quote: 1. when we do talk again, do I agree to see her and do things with her from time to time and try to maintain the "having fun" relationship. (if I do then she would have to be considerate of my feelings and not intentionally say things that hurt me)
I would set boundaries on this one, you have rights too. I would tell her that OM is not to be talked about, for one example.
2. do I continue to try to see the Kids, even though they are not mine?
Do you want to? So what if they are not biologically yours! If you were apart of their lives and the parents are willing and if YOU want to; see them by all means!
3. Do I continue to try to see the puppy from time to time?
Good question! Are you attached to puppy, or are you using the excuse of seeing puppy in order to see C?
4. do I continue to see her counselor?
Is the counselor helping you? If you feel better after the visit then by all means continue. Do this for you.
5. do I break off all contact move my payroll to somewhere else so she can really miss me?
Would she see this as a negative? Has she asked you to do this?
6. do I block her from seeing me on IM or leave that "door" open just a little by letting her see my activity from day to day?
I understand you are angry with her, but why cut off your nose to spite your face! What is the harm in letting her know you are there? You can go invisible and then she won't know you are there.
7. IS IT OVER?
It's only over if you want it to be!
hugs
Deb
P.S. I think I will agree with T2 on this, maybe C needs to know you ARE moving on and you ARE NOT playing second fiddle. Go ODGA!
I kinda agree with most of your responses - first, I agree I do not block her from the IM.
On the futon mattress, I will give her some time to contact me first (like through Tuesday) then if no contact I might im her about the payroll checks and say I can pick up the mattress this weekend when I get the checks.
As to the payroll - she is not doing my company accounting. We jointly bought a payroll program that keeps track of deductions and how much is needed to pay the state and IRS. Her bookkeeper just keeps track of my payroll and prints the payroll checks along with the checks to the IRS and state. The rest of my bookkeeping and accounting I do myself. The Jury is still out on if I leave the payroll there or move it - I don't teel that I should jump into anything just yet.
Counselor - Even though the counselor will NOT divulge any direct convo you have with her to C...it will leak out in her talks with C because the counselor has the benefit of knowing EXACTLY where you're coming from. Well yes this is true the same works in reverse and this is why I wanted to go to that counselor. However, if I feel it is not doing any good then I will stop going and likely will not go to another.
I do agree that friendship is a two way street and told her that last Sunday. I told her that she is the one that said she wanted the friendship thing to work but for it to work she had to act like a friend too.
I do like your PS and I am starting to work on that.
On the Kids - If you were apart of their lives and the parents are willing and if YOU want to; see them by all means! I have heard this from several sources including her C. I do love it when they see me and run up and give me a big hug.
the puppy - Are you attached to puppy, or are you using the excuse of seeing puppy in order to see C? I am attached to the puppy but I can also have the added benifit of maintaining a link to C. I will not make it obvious though.
Payroll - for now maybe let sleeping dogs lie. can move payroll to another service at any time if I need to.
the ps thing - I am starting to work on that. so "is it over" only time will tell. I am not going to tell her I think it is over but I am not going to push any to get back together - any move is up to her.
