I'd say there are some MAJOR positives here. I guess it all depends on what perspecitive you are looking from.
From Feb (OG bomb)to Mar you have gotten her pretty comfortable around you and she seems to be spending a lot of time with you on her own initiative. She is making a lot of contact. The hugs, calls, IM, concern, etc seem pretty consistent and you are obviously on her mind a lot. Does she still see OM or do you not talk about it?
You said you ML last in Jan, have you guys always been doing this throught this S or D time? I would say that is a major one.
Kisses are just another step and I can see how you would be discouraged about that. Don't let your ego get too bruised that you are afraid to try again. It is tough to know when it is natural, but when it feels right you will know. I can hear how you would want her to just drop her silly defenses and let the love in, you won't repeat whatever she is afraid of. But she is still afraid nonetheless. You know the recipe for that, consistency.
Have you guys always gone to counseling together? Did she say why she wanted you to go with her? I would view that as another MAJOR positive.
It surprises me that her D papers could be filed in Oct and by the middle of the month it is final. That is so quick. Do you think that once the pressure of this whole decision was lifted and you were consistent in your attitude toward her that these were big reasons why she came closer to you? Prior to the D filing if I remember correctly she was pretty cold. And then once the pressure was lifted she all of a sudden warmed up?
It's alright to feel angry. But remember what C said or did was when she was an alien. BTW, C doesn't seem to want you to take the camper, a sign she still wants to hold on to you!
Give C space and time, wonderful things await around the corner for both of you! Hang in there just a little longer!
Hi Seattle - I guess there are major positives - she talkes with her Sis alot about things and she did talke about my Test problem and my desire to see neice and nephew. when we were eating she brought up me seeing specialist on my test problem and seemed concerned about that. The contact since the OM Bomb is way down from pre OM bomb but it is improving - I guess the lower level of contact is what is depressing. And She is VERY busy at work during the day which keeps her from IMing as much as before - But she is interviewing for a full time assistant which will help lower her stress level alot.
I do not talk about the OM with her - I don't want to personalize him. A few weeks ago she did say that she was going to continue dating. and wanted me to start doing more things with friends. (she did not say she wanted me to start dating though)
We have never gone to counseling together and she says that she is not ready for "together" counseling. but when she first stated she wanted to go to a counselor around the first of Jan, I suggested together counseling (she said not yet) and I suggested that we might use the same one and she said no problem. A few weeks ago when she said she was going to a Counselor I suggested that I did not like the one I was going to and asked if I could go to hers too and she said OK - I did not mention going to that counselor again. Last night she said she had talked with her Counselor and said it would be ok and gave me her schedule. I just IMed C again and let her know that I contacted her C and set up appointment for 3/9 @ 7pm and she replied "good" I told her that the C said that she might have a conflict of interest thought and C again said that she had no problem with using the Counselor. Maybe she is thinking that eventually we can do together counseling with her? I can only hope.
The original Bomb was dropped Aug 9, 03 - the D was filed first week of Sept. and D was final Oct 14 - in Ga the final order can be heard 30 days after service of complaint. And I agree that I think that she felt that she needed to get the D in order to move on.
Hi Deb - I am still thinking of your sitch and sending good wishes your way.
Why do you think she does not want me to move the camper? She said that her employees and clients have to park on the road instead of in the driveway - and it would not bother her to have it moved. But the more things that are removed from the house the more hopeless I feel my chances are.
Well - my PMA is back up some - I went flying again today - did several touch and go's and then asked the instructor if we could just fly around and sight see some - It was dusk (not anywhere close to night though) and the city lights were starting to come on and the sun was real low and it was just a nice time to fly and look. - that relaxed me alot.
after landing and on the way to the gym I called C - she had told me last night that her Dr. had put her on weight loss pills and that the Dr. did not want her to work out with heavy weights to gain muscle so since she was using the same trainer I use (I go every week and she goes every other week and it was not her week) I asked her if she wanted to discuss another routine for her with the trainer. I sounded a lot happer than I did on IM today and she seemed to respond with a very plesant mood too. I mainly wanted to end the day with her on a positive note which I think I did.
Was thinking and I vote for moving the camper, C just seemed a little reluctant by saying you could leave it until you used it next. I say move it. Yes, I know you are reluctant to have no reason to go back there by taking what few things are there.
My H has quit taking things. And on my side of the quarter; everytime he did take something I felt like I was being ripped apart! There is a part of me that want to keep some of his stuff here too! And maybe my H wants to leave things here because he wants to know a part of him is here.
I think you sound great!
I find it amazing the your D went through so fast! Sometimes I think it best to sit back and make sure first.
Sometimes they have to end the old R with us before the new can start. Give C time and space, she is confused right now. It was a Hugh step to admit to the OM! let her adjust and she will be back.
Thanks Deb - I will likely move it this weekend - I need to go over and get my payroll checks anyway - that is a two times a month thing.
also I feel that it is a good positive that C tells me that even tho her Counselor indicated to me that seeing me might be a conflict of interest, C says that "I have no problem with that". C knows my goal of getting back together and I believe she knows that that is why I want to see the same counselor she sees.
She goes to her C again today and I am sure they will discuss that. I will see the C next Tuesday at 7 - will see how things go then.
