Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Responding Vs Reacting

Im starting a new thread. The information on this forum has been more than life changing for me. I have been given a gift of time to work on myself and I now have a solution oriented way of dealing with my r. I am really self examining. I met my exh in jail. LoL we both were officers of the law. I had been single for quite a while and he was getting out of a relationship. Now fast forward 7 years. I am here and I have realized that I need to take the time to smell the roses. Really listen and analyze my next steps in life. I was a very care free kind of person no rules in my personal life. Now I see I have to live more deliberately. I became very explosive towards the end of my r. I have now realized that this is a bigger problem than what I initially thought. Lots of prayer, DB, this forum and figuring out GAL. Im very thankful for the chance I have been given. I plan on changing me despite my r at this point.


GAL ON!!

Just curious about the title of this thread. Want to enlighten us?

My exH actually filed a restraining order on me. It came at the perfect time. The GAL had been showing me that I was reacting on the roller coaster. It was confirmed in my last thread. I am working on responding. My goal is to change my life. Change the way I interact with exh. Despite what is going on with him I take the responsibility of my own actions. I must not react but respond!!! GAL ON!!

I hope this answers your question. Please let me know if it makes senSe please let me know if this is a great goal and what may partner well with it. Please comment aNY vote if confidence will be helpful. It's a pretty raw feeling to look at ur own mistakes.

Hi Faith,

It sounds like you have done some reflecting and soul searching. Not reacting takes practice. Our partners know our triggers and we know theirs. It's learning how to change our dance. You can't fight by yourself. Sometimes that means not answering a text or an email right away. Reacting is an emotional response. Responding comes from logic. We can't always be logical when we are feeling emotional.

Being the best you is the best gift you can give yourself. Cheers!

This experience is the hardest thing I have ever endured. It's physically emotionally and spiritually changed me. I have never felt so free to let go of my past and begin fresh. I still think about where I am in this as I sat in my empty closet tonight. I had a huge house. Now I will be moving into a small 2 bedroom with my sweet children. I'm amazed how humbled I am. My H had his car break down and thats how the ow had it to move in to help him with transportation. Today he was able to get his car back. My babysitter /friend saw him and he made a point for her to see him so she could let me know he has the car back. My point is that I'm glad he has his vehicle back but it was a big ego blow that he had ow in passenger side. Wow how quick someone else can take the part u once held. Well I am very humbled because this can happen to anyone but most importantly what will I do. I will GAL on!!! ♡ when I think of all the signs I missed. All the missed oppurtunities. For example I was so worried about the house. I didn't see how hurt and stressed my H was. Missed opportunities. I'm not regretful just disappointed I missed it. Now how can I really hear listen to the needs of the people I love??? Starting with my dear children. When I work or am just out and about how can I help? How can I listen? It's just being vulnerable keeping my heart open. Reflection God prayer. If this is what it takes for me to truly not take my life for granted then I will carry this cross through. I have no idea how or what's ahead. But I'm thankful.

You're on track.

Enjoy forging your path.

So this morning my girlfriend had several text messages from h. He was trying to make a point for us to make contact. He put a restraining order on me. I personally cannot contact him. If he feels "safe" to contact me he may do so. Well as of now he had several different reasons for my girlfriend to get a hold of me this morning. School uniforms and him having to pay her upon my arrival to pick them up. I am staying away for sure. He lied to my friend and said he had spoken to me about picking the girls up. I guess he is wigging out because he wants to see me.

Its just crazy because last night around 2am I had to call a girlfriend and cry my eyes out. My ego was bruised yesterday and for some reason I overwhelmingly missed him and wanted to see him. Its funny how open your heart can be how purely and innocently I can miss this man. The more I let go of him the more I can humbly see the relationship from a much kinder liht. How love seems more pure than ever. Love is patient love is kind it is not boastful. I have read the verse which defines love and the bible so many times but through my vulnerability its so understandble to me.

GAL ON!!

This restraining order is helpful because it actually forces me to CTFU. Im hearing and seeing ten times more. My listening ears are picking up on some things!! It gives me time to respond!!


I work till 3 then I plan on finishing up my move this weekend. I have a big frustration though I have to take down three wall mounted tv's that the hubby put up. I have no idea how to get them down. I took a peak last night with son and I feel like this is going to be a tough one. Well I have to get this here done today. So I can get into my new place and start sleeping their. Have to get over this hump get out the house.

Can anyone touch on the process I am in. Its like he has made a crisisand Im going to respect the O. But at the same time I see him reaching hard to come near to me.

Im not sure how to feel again...Im trying to prepare myself for his call or him popping up at the house now that he has his car back.

How should I handle this??? need some guidance?? I know he wants me to persue him. Im not but when he persues me what should be my thoughts on this?/ Considering he put a ro on me and he has a ow. Can someone please tell me again am I going dark when he reaches out??