Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Card29 VIII

Sorry to hear that Card. I would avoid against any rash decisions. Sit on that new info for a few days and see how you feel about it then. I too received 'new' info about a month ago and was stunned, but it didn't destroy me like it probably would have mos ago. I found that after a couple weeks went by, I felt differently than I did when first hearing the info.

Stay strong Card. This is the time to really show your changes. I'm sure you will experience a wide range of emotions and actions by WAW. Glad to hear you're in a better place. I swear it's like the WAS knows when the LBS starts letting go (maybe not completely)

You can say that about a wide range of emotions. I'm sad for her, because she must feel like dirt about herself (that's what she's projecting). I'm kind of pissed (I'm sure that will increase. I'm disgusted...now I know she lost her weight for him, got her apt and new bed for him. I asked if he was around D2. She said he met them at a park once or twice. I hate the fact that he interacted with D2.

I'm just so glad I had my change of heart last week

Some thoughts that have entered my head:

- She had sex with me after starting with him. F***. And she was almost certainly thinking of him because she was so different the last couple of times we were together.

- Her new clique is almost certainly in on this. She started hanging out with them around the time this started. Oh, did I mention they all work at a religious publisher? Cool people there

- She lied to me soooo much over the last 7 months. I mean she went out of her way to lie to me most of the time. It wasn't like I was catching suspicious things. She would tell me about guys that flirted with her who she turned down. Why?

- Why did she go to the gym with me all of those times? I was there motivating her to workout...so she could be more attractive for her affair partner. Sickening

- Explains why she stopped going to church with me

- I was numb during the phone call earlier, but she actually tried to throw the porn card at me (I was not arguing or being venomous at all)! That is really sad that she tried to deflect her guilt with that. I hate porn as much as anyone, but it's not even the same universe

- she also said, "If it makes you feel any better, it wasn't just a fling. It was a very meaningful R." I didn't say a word. But my thoughts now are, "It doesn't make a difference to me. And yes, it was a fling. It was the definition of a fling. It ended as soon as his chemicals ran out, a textbook length of 6-7 months"

- This is the first time I have felt like I don't want to reconcile

- This puts the thing with S's friend in perspective. I know for sure that I'm not ready right now

I know some might be rolling their eyes because almost everyone here has dealt with these thoughts. I'm just trying to process this

Sorry to hear, Card29. Very sorry.

I agree with you: it's a textbook case. You can add her recent bad mood to the tally (breakup). By the way, five years ago when my W confessed her first A, it was her first step to asking me for reconciliation. Also, expect many more "discoveries" when you look back at what she did and said in the last seven months.

I agree with T0324: It's like WAS know when LBS turn around. It puts you in a good place to consider all options calmly.

I agree with Tarheel. Let it sink. Sit on it for a few weeks.

Card. So sorry to hear your news. Very difficult for you to deal with but as others have said take your time You seem so strong at the moment and use that Take care. Rd

Card, I'm not rolling my eyes. There's a script for LBS processing as much as there is for an A. Roll with it as best you can.

A while back I posted something Labug shared on her thread about saving yourself vs saving the M. I'll try to dig it up for you. I find it a tremendously helpful reminder.

I'd also like to direct your attention to the timely and spot on message you left for me last night. (Don't you love it when people throw your own words back at you!!) this cr@ppy experience is God prepping you for the future He has planned for you. Use it wisely.

Card that is terrible news and so terrible her "If it makes you feel better" statement. It is incredible what inconsiderate things our WASs say to us. I know it's awful pain and completely not right. Please take care.

Maybell, I did actually revisit your thread this morning and chuckled at what i wrote, just the irony of it. I wrote that about 3 hours before she caled me. This all has proven to me that everything happens for a reason. I do believe for the first time that I'm trying to save myself and D2, not our M. i know I need a lot more processing time to know what I want to do with the M. Plus, she hasn't indicated anything contrary to her stance that she doesn't want to reconcile. I know that could change, especially since I know she's following the wayward script, but not an ounce of my heart is hanging on her decision anymore