Lol - sounds like it went okay, all things considered. I have to laugh at the description of MW standing there agape as you gave D10 an object lesson in what not accepting no gets you.
Trotting over to Hud's thread to get the rest of the story... Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
OMG!!! You better not tell me that you don’t see a million and two positives in this post!
Okay Bets, he’s listening. You have his full and complete attention.
What you said with D10 was absolutely perfect. You ought to take that family to dinner – they opened up an incredible opportunity for you! By talking to her like that you are showing your family that you have explored your shortcomings, can admit to them and are successfully working to change them. I wonder if MW even figured out that it was one of his problems (I know my own alien tends to not know what is bothering him) but when you put it in the way that you did he snapped to attention. He watched, he listened, and he got uncomfortable. He got uncomfortable because he wasn’t expecting your reaction or your explanation. You showed him that you have changed and he can’t accuse you of anything less. He got it.
Do you see how he wanted to run out the door? He needed to go to his cave and digest all of this. He needed to sort it out and look back and ponder over how many times the word ‘no’ set you into a feeding-frenzy and if this change was indeed going to work for him. We all know that it will!
The funny thing here is that he’s seeing things in a different light and will be so shocked that he expects you to do something old Betsey-ish right now to show him that last night was a fluke. Which, we know you won’t be doing…
HOLY MOSES BETS, GO YOU!!!!
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
Quote: By talking to her like that you are showing your family that you have explored your shortcomings, can admit to them and are successfully working to change them.
Agreed. I know that this goes a lot further than just the change itself. The admitting it openly is a lot harder than doing something about it sometimes.
Yes, I see the positives here. I still feel bad about blowing up in front of my friend, though. I'll call her today and apologize...
But who the heck knows what Mr. Wonderful was thinking about that exchange? I will comment here that he left around 9 pm, which is a damn record since he left. Even after D10 left, he hung out in the family room and watched The Unfunny Stooges with D7 and didn't bolt off the couch when I joined them...
This was groundbreaking stuff. I have to admit, he looked pretty nice. He now has a Chinese lady at Foley's help him choose his wardrobe (note: he jokingly told me last summer that she told him to get divorced so she could marry him). I need to go break her legs and learn some Chinese swear words from our business partners. I'll become Denver's female answer to Jackie Chan...
Anyway, he has chosen things that I wouldn't normally pick but which look really spiffy. AND I caught him eyeing me in the kitchen too. Not just the times when I shocked the hell out of him either. His new stares are sort of sexually charged...
I haven't seen that guy appear in a few years--well, since bowling the other night.
All in all, I'm pretty encouraged--despite his brain fart about his youngest daughter's birthday. What a maroon....
GO ALL OF US!
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I'd be willing to bet some of your goals were accomplished last night? The looks, his looks, the convos and the just being there instead of bolting. Like Mer said, lots of baby steps here Bets.
So what are you going to do with all this groundbreaking stuff?
Triple J
Things were different then. All is different now. I tried to explain, somehow..........
Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam)
Well, I'm not sure if I'm going to do anything just yet. I'm still processing what has happened over the past week.
Looking at the goals I had to reset last week to deal with Mr. Wonderful's grieving seem to have helped significantly. I also think getting out of town helps his PMA as well--regardless of the nature of the trip.
Note: He actually sat down with N's mom (who works for an engineering firm) and discussed some of the nature of his job. This was interesting, because I haven't seen him do that--EVER. Side note: when we met at GTE-Sylvania back in the 1980's, he would tell people that he painted the blue dot on the flash cubes.
I told N's mom this, and she laughed. Mr. W. was sort of sitting there with a smirk on his face (he think's he's funny). She said, "K, I understand. Sometimes your job is just too complicated to explain, and I know that you work in an area where you can't discuss things."
He smiled in acknowledgment, but I know him really well--he thinks he's really funny. And the truth is, he can be. We need to draw this person out of his cave!
Note 2: He had called my boss last Friday night and left a voicemail that he wanted to take him to dinner when he returned from the funeral. He asked me last night if D was back yet, and I said yes. He said, "Good, I'll call him tomorrow to set up dinner. I really want to talk to him and it's my treat."
I told D about it this morning and his comment was, "It seems as though Mr. W. is returning to the ranks of the human race. I'm glad, because I've missed him--and I know this is a gross understatement for you."
Yes, I realize that he's taking the initiative to contact people who were once important to him. No matter what the outcome may be, I think this is really good for him.
And the golf tournament planning is keeping him very busy and he seems pretty happy about it.
So I really don't know what I'm going to do about this. You guys in the helicopter have some suggestions? Hopefully it doesn't include breaking the legs of a little Chinese lady...
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Quote: Hopefully it doesn't include breaking the legs of a little Chinese lady...
Uh, what? Were you considering this? Which Chinese lady is in trouble?
Anyhow, this is another pretty significant step. Yes, MW does care about D and considers himself a friend. BUT...if things weren't moving in the right direction he would not be taking him to lunch. Why, you ask? (okay, maybe you didn't...humor me...) Because, D is connected to you directly. If MW was working on his escape route he'd not be having lunch with someone so directly and specifically related to you! I smell a positive!
What I see in my helicopter is that you're walking through just fine. You're seeing opportunities for what they are and grasping them. You seem so much more content (either that or you are acting as if…) in your frame of mind and your location in the woods. This will carry you far...because where there is contentedness there is NOT crazymaking. Woman, you're doing just fine! GO YOU!!!
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
The Chinese lady is his wardrobe consultant at Foley's... and he's informed me that she makes sort of sexual comments to him when he goes in. He finds it really funny... I can't believe this woman has actually come up in conversation as many times as I now register she has!
I'm trying hard not to see contacting D as a telling step. Because NOBODY defends me to the world like D. He's always considered me his daughter by choice (my parents are defacto!)... And as many times as I've had to put up with D advising me to go give Mr. Wonderful ultimatums (and not taking his advice), I know he loves me deeply. Like all my BB friends, my boss hates seeing me unhappy.
And Mr. W. knows that the first person who would offer to run him over would BE D! However, Mr. W. also knows that D loves him too--despite his foolishness over the past year.
And that IS the gospel truth.
Maybe tomorrow we both should recap the positives of the week and fine tune what is really helping. Then you can tell me the secret on how to get Mr. Wonderful to invite me on a date--a hockey date would be marvelous--but I'll be happy to entertain anything resembling a date.
GO US!
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
The Chinese lady is his wardrobe consultant at Foley's... and he's informed me that she makes sort of sexual comments to him when he goes in. He finds it really funny... I can't believe this woman has actually come up in conversation as many times as I now register she has!
Bets - Things like this Chinese lady are what makes life worth living. K being sexually harassed by his wardrobe consultant has given me my first bout of hysterical giggling of the day (anyone ever seen Van Wilder? If not, DON'T WATCH IT - I don't want you guys to think less of me - it's really raunchy humor...but the Chinese lady reminded me of a scene in it.)
Seriously, I do NOT want to get any flak because someone tried to watch that movie and was appalled, so DON'T RENT IT. Anyway - I am so happy about the positives busting out all over the place!!! I smell some success stories brewing! Yay! Yay!
Hugs, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
I need to go break her legs and learn some Chinese swear words from our business partners. I'll become Denver's female answer to Jackie Chan...