I would like you to be a little more specific about your goals. You needn't go to my extent of a slide rule process and measuring exactly.
And as I like positive stuff then I would ask you specifically ~ what new experiences this year and by when? ~which fun adventures exactly? How many times?
The others are states of being so what are you going to do to be loving, happy and peaceful? What new opportunities will you seek? How will you know you are there? Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi Vanilla, you are right it is very important to have specific goals in mind or in my opinion you will not reach them or if you do you will not know it!
So to answer your question, I am still pondering some of my exact goals. My life is pretty darn incredible already and I'm really living the dream! I'm a lucky girl. But some of my specific goals for new experiences and adventures this year are: -travel to Asia and maybe Africa -take dance classes -work on developing and maybe even selling my art
As far as working to be more happy, loving and peaceful - I plan to work harder on maintaining and developing relationships in my life with family and friends. Scheduling more time with them and being more present. Also I want to be inspired by folks like ganb8te and do regular yoga and meditation. I think that will help me to be more peaceful and grounded.
Mozza, dgb60, rppfl I'm glad to hear that there are others who agree/understand this feeling I'm having about my role in all this. And Mozza I totally relate to what you said about thanking my WAS in the future for making this decision and also what you said about wanting to get back together so we can break up properly. I completely understand what you mean. I also wonder if I simply want him to ask to get back together so I can tell him NO. I worry about my own motives sometimes.
Ganb8te how does this change my desire to reunite? I don't know. I guess all along I have wondered if I really wanted HIM or if it was only my bruised ego. I know you will probably relate that I am independent and fine on my own and so I don't need him. And since we have no kids there is really no reason other than love. And then he has behaved so badly and treated me with little respect so why would I desire to reunite with him? I have to take a hard long look at our relationship before BD to discover if I want that back. And when I did that, I realized that maybe it was my choice to split up after all.
After thinking some more about it I realized what I think is the core truth for many of us here. We feel rejected and sad and want our WAS back. But if they came back, many many things would have to change. Not just what has happened since BD with their crappy behaviors - no. Also many things about the R, even when it was good. We were not 100% happy, maybe we then acted in ways that didn't support the relationship and the WAS left us.
Was I a bad wife? Did I do mean and terrible things? No! I was a good wife and I was loving and supportive. When problems started to surface I didn't face them, I hid from them and so did he, until they got out of control. When things started to go wrong I got angry and aggressive, then sad and pleading. Was I a bad wife? A bad person? No way! I could have done better however.
Aw shucks, Lisa. I'm glad you've been a bit inspired by my lot. Know that I find your oozing positivity inspiring. Sometimes I've even caught myself thinking "How would Lisa write it?" when I'm writing an email or text or what not ;-)
You sound like you are feeling pretty strong these days and ready to take things as they come. It is interesting how we all come here thinking that this came out of the blue...only to ponder things a little deeper and realize that things weren't great with the R. I still feel like I want another go with H though. I've learned so much the last 7 months and truly believe things could be different. If only my H would hurry up and reach that conclusion, too ;-)
Anyway, keep us posted as your thinking evolves.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Nothing much to update here. WAH and I have been texting a little bit. He has not asked to see me but has been dropping friendly compliments in every text conversation which is a little different. Nothing to get excited over.
I'm wondering about your advice. I have been invited to a big party by a mutual friend of WAH and me. WAH will be attending and likely OW1 as well. Maybe even some of WAH's other OWs or wannabe OWs.
Now I can hear what some of you will say "why subject yourself to this? of course you should not attend!!!"
But part of me wants to attend to show OWs, WAH and other acquaintances that I am doing fantastic, and that I am not afraid or embarrassed or upset and don't need to hide or avoid anyone.
I have heard from a few people recently that I look amazing and seem like I am doing fantastic. So I guess this is a good time to show off? I don't feel that fantastic to be honest. I'm in a bit of a January funk I think, but I guess I'm hiding it somewhat well...
What do you think? Is there any benefit/harm to me attending the party, looking fantastic and showing them all I am doing better than ever?
I have already run into OW1 in public twice and pretended I did not see her, and I see many other co-acquaintances around town at parties and bars. So it is only a matter of time before we meet anyway. Maybe this is a way I can be in control of that first meeting we will end up having?
We used to be friends, OW and I. She stopped communicating with me as soon as BD and then I discovered that WAH had started seeing her. But she was friendly with me up to a few days before BD. So she knows what she has done. Maybe she is even more nervous to see me than I am to see her?
It could also be a good opportunity to observe how WAH behaves when several of his ex-women are in one place. It could be telling. And it could be funny to see him squirm.
Anyway, I would love your advice and opinions. I am still undecided.
I don't feel that fantastic to be honest. I'm in a bit of a January funk I think
Only you can figure out what you can handle. If going to the party it is going to to contribute to the January funk then probably not worth it, don't you think? As a reminder, go have a read of the post you wrote after the last party. And the ones a few days later. Do you want to add that to the January funk? Can you make some alternative plans that make you feel GOOD?!
Not going doesn't mean you are avoiding OWs. It just means you are doing what is right by you. Clearly, these OWs have got nothing on LisaA.
FWIW I'm in a similar place at the moment. I think 6-7 months might be a bit of a critical time point. I don't now about you but I recall reading about the people who were at 6 months when I first joined and thinking I wasn't going to last that long. I figured they must pretty much be a DB vet by now. How wrong was I?!
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Lisa, if you go you will likely stew about it for days afterward, for better or worse. Then you'll be wasting even more mental enery on him. Better to leave him be and wonder what you're up to (remember mystery?). Move on with your life. He doesn't deserve to see how fabulous you are.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
I'm also ambivalent, but it looks like your decision to go to this party or not is based on him, so it doesn't sound DB to me. Is this a great party you'd want to attend to, regardless of him?
You know, part of DB is to hint that you know of a better life, somewhere else where your H is not. Make it so that you didn't go to this lame party because you did something better!
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Hi friends, thanks so much for the feedback! I so appreciate it and you are all right.
I won't be going to the party. The reasons I had for attending were not great, although I do really like the hosts and was happy for the invitation. Honestly I was also surprised and flattered at the invitation because they are friends of my WAH. But I will likely feel awful no matter the outcome... if I go and am fabulous I still will find things to feel weird about. So I will find something else to do. Actually I already have!
Thanks again friends and hope you are all doing fantastic! Hugs, Lisa
