Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Divorced and moving out.....still hopeful

Nervous about my future today. Is this a test from her or is she as confused as I am?
Mr. Bond you have been here. After reconciling, did your wife admit anything to you? Am I waiting for her when I should take the bull by the horns ? She really try's to not send the wrong signals as far as gifts, cards, or talking about her feelings. However, her body language and trying to have reasons to call, conversations about what I am up to and telling me everything about what her and son have been doing..... Am I mind reading?

Newb3,brother I feel for you. I can tell you my sitch is different but similiar. My w had Affair then decided she wanted a D,this was 11 months ago. We are still in the same house. D process started and wife wants me to be freinds and live here together until june. It is very hard to detach and been hell on the kids. she is a roller coaster. She wants to be freinds and I have zero interest in that and have told her so. W is very controlling and thinks not much will change for kids. You have to decide if you want to be her friend or not. Personally after 19yrs together and the choices she has made I don't need freinds like her. It's like she wants you to be there like a platonic freind. Not in my cards. I would be interested in what bond and starsky have to say.

Igit,
Living together hurts. You go through waves of emotions. Mad, upset, sad...etc. get out, make the first move. It is freeing.

My WAW now has nothing to talk to me about other than s4. She tries...I feel she is reaching out, but reality is setting in now that the holidays are over and she is moved too. I am trying to let her come to me. Watching every Corey Wayne thing he sends.....it is just not enough. Not similar enough for my sitch right now. So, I reach out here.

Newb3, I have tried very hard at this and did ic. Divorce coach, read 30 books, been super dad,etc..all advise stay in home don't leave. Well its been a year and that ain't working either. Did the GAL been freindly, so don't beat yourself up. I KNOW it's super hard with your 4yr old.
I have 3 kids with her and I have not left yet because of them.
I think you are doing everything right at this point. Keep up the positive attitude. Don't initiate anything. If she wants you back you will know. Right now she probably thinks she can still have you if she wanted. You know that has to change!
As soon as she sees she is loosing you she will either make it apparent that she made a mistake and want to work on things. At that point you may not want her back.
Hang tuff! Read the bible! Good life book!

How can I show her she cannot have me if she wanted? I am showing no interest, however, she keeps pushing the conversations. I am vague. I always dress well and look as if I have plans.
I am not always available to answer the phone. When she calls, first hing is "are you busy?" I always make time for her and say no.
I have done 180's since May 2014. She sees it. However, it is just weird right now. I dare not go on a date and be seen... Not fair to the other person, as I would be faking it at this point. Plus, I do not want to play games. I would not like it if she did that to me. I know she wouldn't.

She did mention the other night that he has been giving her a hard time. I'm talking about S4. So this morning she calls while I'm driving into work and says "are you driving to work? Well I'm having a really tough time with him this morning and as I've told you I have had a hard week with him." We then have a little conversation. I empathize with her and tell her I understand that he is difficult sometimes and I'm sorry she's having a tough time. I talked on speakerphone to Asfoor worked out a deal so that he would cooperate. She then takes the phone on speaker phone and tells him to tell me goodbye and then she says thank you and calls my name. She then said "I hope you have a good day today thanks for your help." I say you're welcome have a good day, it was nice to talk to you.
She calls back within five minutes and I can barely make out what she says because she is now starting to cry. She said "I can't do this. He's not cooperating. I'm going to be so late for work. I don't know what to do." The original deal was she was going to call me when she dropped him off at daycare and let me know how it went so he would either get his surprise when I picked him up or not. So the last thing she said was "I will call you later and let you know how drop off went thank you."
I know that he is been telling her that he misses me and from what he says mommy says the same thing. I know from talking to my counselor that him asking her why doesn't daddy live here and questions about wanting me to live with them and missing me is probably my best chance at this point. I say my best chance, I mean best chance for really getting to her quickly.

I never heard back from her. Left work early to go get S4. Texted her from the parking lot asking if he deserved his prize. She called me within 2 minutes. She said that she was not sure what else to do with him and maybe I could get him to behave. She said it has been very hard this week. She said he was "Okay", but it still took a few more minutes this morning.
I told her I would skip it then. She said hope you have a good night and weekend. I said okay and we got off the phone.
So, I know she has trouble with S4. He always tells me mommy misses me and he does too. She called me this morning when she could not handle him. Weird, that is not co-parenting.....She wanted this and now has it. She cannot handle him and is upset about it. Well, I Give her no parenting advice, I just talk to him and try to get it handled. Eventually, I will not be so available for her to run to. I feel that is wrong,but I know her lack of interest in a relationship with me is exactly what she is getting. I do not want to be a "friend", I am not interested. I have said it to her many times and even in Counseling.
So, there is nothing to guess on her end. I am not sending mixed signals, but getting impatient with this. Either tell me how you feel and lets get on with it, or I'll move along.
Female friends say get a "date" and make sure she knows...that should rush things along. Well, that is a game....last thing I want. This situation is hard enough.

Newb3,I think you are handling yourself very well. I agree with the know friend policy. I will be going through the same thing very soon. Except x 3 kids. WAW's seen too think they will be better mom's because they will be happy. I don't see the correlation! Keep on GAL and be super dad when given the chance. Don't loseyour temper, don't bring up R ,keep it all business. Date if you feel like it.

Looks like this thread is almost full. I will start another soon. Any other advice for this guy in limbo? The roller coaster has come to a stop for now. I am confused and wandering this place hoping to run into some more guidance before I get back on.


Thanks for all past and future help here. I'm the man I want to be. Doing what I want to do. I am just not with the one I want to be with. I don't need her, but I want her in my life. Romantically or not at all.

So, in my quest for knowledge and being a better man. Sans 180's, post divorce, anti-friend zone. I have gone on an Internet reconnaissance mission.
Looking at women that are friend zoned and how the get stuck, and get out. Not that I plan on getting friend zoned here.
Here is an excerpt ( this was written from a woman's point of view)..."That’s why you have to tell your best friend the truth: you’re in love with him, and because of that, you can’t be friends anymore. Yep, just like a break up. If he can’t see himself romantically with you, you’re going to have to cut him off entirely – not because you don’t care, not because you won’t miss him, but because at this time, you want to focus your energies on finding a life partner. He’ll protest, of course, but he really has no leg to stand on. If he loves you, he should want you to find the man you deserve.

You just have to have the guts to go out and find him, instead of waiting for your best friend to suddenly change his tune about you after three years."


Hmm, so that takes the wind out of the friend zone sails. The article mentions friend zoning is "All he has to do is be your best friend in a low-stakes platonic relationship. He gets all his needs met – and is still free to date other people." Mentions no dinners bought, unless he wants to. AND does not have to let you see his relationship flaws. Well in my case, and all of us here...we know our spouses flaws. More than likely, if you have dug deep, you know yours as well.
Hope this helps someone here. Back to my quest. Have a great one! Go buy yourself something, get a new hobby, go be yourself (for yourself). Take a day off.