Thanks again for your contributions FY and Wonka. Your posts make me feel a little optimistic though there's been no change. I wish I had your confidence that I will indeed see even a glimpse of the woman I once knew. I truly want my family and marriage back together one day! I'm following your advice as best I can. I have read a lot about MLC now as well. Some parts of it I think yes that's it that's what she's doing, then I'll read something else and think no it's not that. So confusing! Our eldest daughter is convinced it's MLC and said why would you even want her back after what she's said and been doing? Mmm!
Ages: Me 58 Wife 50 Together: 27 years M25 D24 D21 Bomb Droppped 21 June 2014
You might want to remind your D that you loved and accepted her when she went through her awful teen years. Or some unloving behaviors she exhibited at various times over the years. You did not shut out or reject D because of her awful behaviors in the past. Tell D that this is what you are doing with W and their mother. Show her what unconditional love looks like and show D how a proper H acts/behaves. For you are D's role model of a man and husband. D is watching you and taking mental notes.
Monkey see, monkey do.
Did your W experience trauma or any life-changing events prior to BD? I am curious to learn more about W's trajectory from a W/mother to a person who engages in an A with the OW after 25-years of marriage.
No one big traumatic event but maybe an accumulation of events or factors. Her step father passed away in January this year. This was not entirely unexpected as he had been in a home for some time with dementia and was slowly deteriorating. This was around three weeks after her fiftieth birthday.
Her biological father passed away when he was fifty one. He was taken ill suddenly and passed away in hospital without her even seeing him. She was only a teenager then and it obviously had a big impact on her and her family. Aside from it being a 'big' birthday her fiftieth, I know she wasn't looking forward to it - if that makes sense - who does? Maybe it's taking her back to those days as a teenager when her Dad passed away.
Ages: Me 58 Wife 50 Together: 27 years M25 D24 D21 Bomb Droppped 21 June 2014
I am so sad at the moment, I'm in 'my' bedroom because I can cry there and nobody can see me.
My W is in the room next door to me. Eldest D is downstairs with her boyfriend. Youngest D is at work. The last two Saturday nights W has been away, I couldn't even manage to say Hi to her this time when she walked in this afternoon!
She's so determined that I'm not part of her life anymore. Feeling pretty hopeless at the moment. Jay
Ages: Me 58 Wife 50 Together: 27 years M25 D24 D21 Bomb Droppped 21 June 2014
I'm sorry it's a difficult day. Do something nice and fun on your birthday- even if it's eating something yummy. Hang in there!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Thanks For the suggestion GB - I've already started on the nicest bottle of red wine I have in the house!
An example of the behaviour we have to put up with...
Three of us are in the lounge watching some television we've recorded. W has stayed in her room since she's been home; come down briefly to heat up some food for herself and then gone back upstairs to eat it without a single word to us! Hardly any social interaction at all. She's detached from us, very sad.
It's not just tough for me, it's tough for our D's as well!
Ages: Me 58 Wife 50 Together: 27 years M25 D24 D21 Bomb Droppped 21 June 2014
I am so sorry that you and your D are facing this new behavior from W. Let her go.
I like GB's suggestion....if you are able, why not have your D's go out to a restaurant with you to celebrate your BD? A nice bonding time for sure.
To get your mind off your situation, perhaps join some groups to form new social connections and friendships. Take up a new hobby or something. Get out of the house as much as you can.
For me, my MLC started when my paternal grandmother passed away and I was very close to her. Blew apart my inner world of safety and then the aliens kidnapped me in USS Starship Wonkie. 99% of the MLC occurs when there's a really traumatic event such as the loss of a parent, family member, close friend, a medical diagnosis, or job loss.
Not sure if I can say with certainty that your W is definitely in MLC. It appears that your W may have experienced some trauma...but what I don't know from reading is if she was close to her stepfather. I guess I will need some more information before I can say with a reasonable degree of certainty that your W is indeed in MLC.
I am loathe to label a WAS is indeed in MLC too quickly if I am not 100% certain. A lot of the times I can tell if the WAS is simply an angry WAW/WAH who is not in MLC.
-Does your W have some memory lapses when she talks with you or Ds?
-Does your W have a vacant look in her eyes?
-Does your W flinch when you try to touch her in nonsexual ways such as the arm, shoulder?
