Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers New, looking for help. WAW won't communicate.

Hello and welcome okjpc.

I wanted to ask a question.

This quote was suggested to help you with a PMA?

Thanks, JP.

My IC wanted me to work on detachment, so she came up with this phrase.

I'm bouncing that around in my head. If you are at the point that that doesn't trigger any negatives and helps, then good.

I would offer this suggestion, make it your own. Find something that comes from within you, so it is more genuine
For me I would find something also or else that is more focused on you.

(OMG... There is a working edit)

Thanks, JP. I hadn't really thought about it much. It made sense to me at the time and I needed something to feel like I was detaching from her. I'd love to hear any thoughts and ideas you have.

25,

I was wondering you have any additional wisdom to offer re: my sitch. I've been letting your comments about my anger sink in, but I find myself swinging back and forth from thinking, "I really messed up" to "Yes, I blew up at her, but I still think she was eroding the family structure (perhaps unwittingly) and she went really scorched earth on me. And abandoned my children and denied anyone proper healing."

I don't know how to reconcile these in my mind, don't know if i need to and also don't have a clue how to initiate contact.

I probably sound really foolish to you, but I am pretty new to the DB work.

Okjpc,

It doesn't seem foolish, we are all going through the same roller coaster. Like I said, I was like that for weeks. That's when discovery of OM made me connect all the pieces and find some peace with myself that it wasn't all my fault. I think your thoughts are totally normal at this stage.

Also, I haven't done any of the 40 day challenge. My W will not talk to me outside of counselling (mediation) and even in there, it is only about separation logistics. Hopefully at some point I can start doing it.

There are many artilces if you look for them on Detaching, I think there is a good on this forum, don't remember where

25 has commented on your sitch. She can be sporadic as she is busy person and can be very stright forward in her post. She pushed me and said things that p1ssed me off. I am truely greatful for all she has done for me. I still read her post.

My point is, read and re-read what she says. Make actions from her advice, trust her. She is one of the best here and there are many. I trust and respect her.

Thanks, JP. Yeah, I've been kind of flailing and needy, but I really appreciate the feedback I've gotten. I've read 25's comments a few times. Even printed them out and showed them to my IC last week - she thought they were really accurate.

This forum has felt something like a lifeline to me. And everyone's comments are beginning to sink in. For some reason the phrase "Drop the Rope" really hit home and I went to bed with a good sense of detachment. Then i dreamt most of the night about my WAW's XH trying to f* with me, my W having an A with another woman, my SS trying to get ahold of me, etc. But some of that detachment stuck and feel, despite being very tired, more focused on work and non-DB stuff than i have since the S began.

I even checked out a book to read that isn't about saving my M! That's progress for me.

Don't get discouraged as you will be up and down a lot.
Focusing on you is the hardest part, yet the most important.

Thanks, JP. I appreciate the advice and support.