Tuesday 7:00am. Thank you everyone for all your help and support over the last two weeks. I am still feeling positive and energized. W is walking around looking a bit shell-shocked but I'm not sure if it is anytrhing to do with this. I am not going out of my way to bring the subject up but I will write her a nice love letter this week to tell her how wonderful she makes me feel. Thanks again, SD
Wednesday 4:50pm. Yesterday D16 was ill and stayed off school. This morning she was worse so we took her to the doctor who suspected appendicitis. We went straight to hospital and at 3pm this afternoon she went into theatre to have her appendix removed. I came home to collect S11 from school and we are about to go back and visit. I think I will have to put my “project” on hold until she gets better.
Friday 2:45 pm. D16 is still in hospital after complications with her appendix op. W is with her. I have spent some time reading "The five Love Languages" this week and realise that my love language is "Words of affirmation”. It is now obvious to me why I became so infatuated with my OW because she spoke my language telling me in various ways how wonderful I am. It was quite literally manna from heaven after years of starvation. My wife never seems to have a nice thing to say about me and I am suspicious that she is training D16 to be the same. I am constantly being told how stupid I am by them both (OK my jokes are pretty poor). I am rarely praised for the many good things I do and I almost never hear the magic “I love you”. Often when I get a compliment it sounds false somehow. After 25 years with my W I am ashamed to say that I don't have any idea whatsoever what her love language is. I suppose by process of elimination I should be able to work it out. Physical touch: It certainly is not this one because if I try to hold her hand while walking she lets go after a few seconds and she usually makes it pretty obvious that she doesn’t want to kiss, cuddle or ML. Words of affirmation: I don’t think it is this because I tell her I love her every day and compliment her on her looks etc. often and it appears to have no effect on her. Acts of service: Well I have gradually taken on more and more of the housework but she doesn’t seem to have noticed particularly. Quality Time: We do spend quite a lot of time talking although mainly about other people and politics etc. It could be that she needs more quality time talking about us but I can’t say that I’ve noticed her love tank filling up as we chat. She has not been very receptive when I’ve suggested going to dance classes for example. Receiving gifts: I have to admit that I’m not a great one for giving gifts and in the early days she was critical of me for not making much of birthdays etc. I made a paper heart that said “I love you” and left it under her coffee cup a few months ago and I noticed that she put it in her purse. Maybe she needs more gifts and love tokens. It has got to be worth a try. Is it possible that someone does not have a love language at all? SD
SD: I mentioned this book to my wife, and, although she didn't read it, she eventually told me that he LL was acts of service, with "quality time" being her secondary LL. Any chance you can just ask your W what her LL is?
hairdog: Tonight is supposed to be our intimate night but I doubt if it will happen. However I will talk to her about love languages. I guess her response will be the usual psychobabble one. SD
You know, it's hard to be intimate when your daughter is in the hospital. Don't expect much from her. Unlike the usual excuse of "I have a headache," this is a pretty good one.
Friday 7:15pm. I have been backwards and forwards to the hospital all day. When they are ill you realise just how much you love them. I hope they will let D16 come home this evening. If they do, W and I will be playing "Doctors and Nurses" tonight. SD
Completely put your "night" out of mind and be the loving father and husband that you are. Take good care of both your daughter and wife... and work towards making your wife anticipate next Friday. You may be pleasantly surprised. I sincerely hope you are - but no expectations, right!
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