Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis MLC for crazy making!!!

Someone please help me.... I'm doing my best to DB I really am. But my girlfriend saw him at the blvd cinema last night with someone. I'm hurt and so pissed since he's only been gone 2 weeks but more so I'm embarassed. We live in a small town so it's inevitable that people I know will see him running around. I know the answer is to say nothing but I am not sure I can refrain myself from asking him to keep his ass-ness (a real word lol) discret for the sake of my career and reputation. Ugh. I was motivated to clean my house and get it ready to decorate for Xmas and now I just want to lie here and sulk.

BB, I'm so sorry you had to hear such news from your girlfriend. I know how painful that stuff is, from my own experience.

First, these early S days can be the some of the toughest. Sometimes it's not even one day at a time. Take it and hour at a time, or even one minute at a time.

It may not feel like it at the moment, but you will get through this. It will get better.

I know from your background, that you know much of this already. It is completely different when you are the one experiencing it.

The feelings of hurt, anger and embarrassment.... Completely normal and understandable.

You do know the answer is best to say nothing.

Asking him to keep himself discreet will most likely yield no positive result. If he respected your wishes right now, he wouldn't be doing what he is doing. He will not respect that request, either.

If it is MLC, he is acting from a very juvenile, selfish, entitled place. This is HIS life, and he will do what he wants. Like a teenager. He will likely rebel against any request to act as you want.

Also, the ow is truly not worth your thoughts. Do not give any energy to that. I know, it sounds easy to say, and impossible to do. BB, this is devastating stuff. Believe what everyone say here. She can't hold a candle to you. It's not about finding someone better. It's truly seeking a bandaid for pain that was there long before you. And it's true, they always always affair down.

Please be kind to yourself today. Remove any pressure of getting decorating etc. done if you don't feel up to it. Take your time, feel what you feel, and let it wash over you.

Do at least one thing for yourself today if you can possibly manage. With little ones, I know this can be a challenge. Even if it's a hot bath, or just lighting a few scented candles to change the energy. Every little bit helps.

Hang in there, BB.


(((((Hugs)))))

BB,
Shining gave you excellent advice. If you say anything to him about being discreet, he's going to ramp it up because he doesn't care about what you want...but more importantly the only person he's worried about his himself. He's acting out and the more you point things out to him, the more he's going to do what he wants, i.e., you are right now the mother figure to his inner child.

You don't have to stress yourself over decorating for the holidays. Do something simple, make new tradition, i.e., keep things simple for you.

When the pain hits, feel it, allow it to wash over you and then release it. You are human, and yes, there are going to be days when you don't feel up to doing anything. Always remember, there's always tomorrow if I don't get it done today.

Take care of yourself and take some much needed time to pamper yourself.

Thank you both for your encouraging words and reminder. Seriously helpful
And I did not say anything nor plan to like I really want. You're right it won't change anything if anything only make it worse.

Where am i? Is this my life? This has to be the twilight zone!

Yeah...the twilight zone is an understatement!!! It is unbelievable, isn't it, BB? This new life that we didn't ask for....it isn't fair.

Buckle in. This will not be easy, not matter what. But you can and will get through it all.

Although it doesn't feel like it now, believe that if you use this time to work on yourself, you will never regret it.

The words I've read here over and over, are that the only real regrets people have, are when they had waited so long to get moving and enjoy their lives.

BB - So sorry to hear your having a bad time - we all know your pain, I wish I could wave a magic wand and take it away for you.

BUT having said that - by going through all that you are feeling, accepting it and allowing the process to happen, you will emerge stronger than ever - I know it does not seem possible but believe me, you will.

I would not request anything from him, he won't listen - all it will do is make him more determined, he feeds off you and your emotions - Don't Feed The Monster !!

Thank you!!!! He came over this evening to hang out with the girls and I have retreated to my room. He came in asking how I was feeling blabity blah. I just want to slap the crap out of him. How dare he. Can you tell I'm angry lol.

But.... I started to clean the front room of my house which I've been avoiding for a long time. So that felt good!

I'm feeling stronger day by day. Connecting more with my daughters, making plans with girlfriends, gathering support from online forums!! But the snooping... Why can't I stop snooping! HEEEELLLPPPPP....

You have to make yourself stop the snooping. Put a rubber band on your wrist and each time you are tempted to snoop, snap that rubber band. The sting will give you something else to think about.

BTW, the urge to snoop in the early days is very normal. You are seeking answers and you think the only way to find them is to snoop. Snooping sometimes is good, but there are other times when you will wish you hadn't done it.

I.CANT.STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is wrong with me! This is not me.. OMG.