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And who facilitated/handled the repair?

It is a temporary fix until the entire house gets repiped but H had it ready when I got home from work 2 nights ago

did you thank him? or otherwise offer sincere encouragement for getting it done?

So MC was rescheduled due to a change in my work schedule. It is early next week. I have been contuining to GAL. Went out for wine with some girls after work last night. I let H know I was appreciative of him taking care of the boys and house (getting school stuff ready). I am working hard behind the scenes to make my changes stick. H and I talked quite a bit last night. About our feelings and argument over the hot water and the bigger picture. We both had a calm conversation about how we both feel and things we need to continue to work on.

It is his birthday this weekend. Last year I threw a big surprise party in the city at a rooftop bar that I rented out. Pretty sure I won't be topping that this year with Everything going on and $$$ issues. He said he is just good with us going to dinner and taking the boys on the boat this weekend.

Piecing is hard work. Just because your WAS wants to R doesn't mean this DB journey is over. For me I feel like an entire other level of DB started and it's definitely still a marathon. I still struggle. I'm working on trying to be consistent in my changes and recognize my faults that I can change so that I don't wind up here again. I still, like I've said before, catch myself going down the dead end road of some old behaviors. I especially notice this when I feel some anger towards how everything went down while H was gone. So I would love to say I've let go completely but not yet. I know I will fully forgive one day. It gets easier as H is better and consistent in his actions.

I don't even know where I'm supposed to be posting do I apologize if it should to be here. I just don't feel were there yet and I'm not done DB'ing

How big is that? I mean really, from where you were to where you are right now.

Stop and smell the roses... that is a huge thing.

But don't rest on it... keep the positive changes going.



This may sound vindictive... but while forgiveness is imperative. I think it would be naive to suggest that forgiveness = forgotten. I am not suggesting you carry a torch for it the rest of your life (or use it as a trump card in any discussion/argument/etc), but your healing from that will not only take a loooooong time.



I would say keep it here in newcomers. If this was better moderated (sorry moderators, I know there are not tons of you, and you can only do so much... but you ARE loved <3).

Oh yes super huge positive compared to where I've been in this entire journey.

Forgive but not forget. I have said that so many times. I will forgive but I won't ever forget. I also don't mean that as negative but more so just honest and real.

TO, I am happy to see positive things in your sitch.

I just wanted to caveat the forgive and forget thing...

It's important to not forget, yes, but make the remembering more about your feelings and less about the actions. Does that make sense? Remember how you FEEL about the actions you are forgiving. Move on from the action.

It makes sense in my head but sometimes I have issues with getting the awesome stuff from my head into words. LOL

I don't have any particular advice about this, however, it seems to happen a lot with people. The LBS is so hyper-focused on wanting the WAS back until it's like a delayed emotion that hits them later when they don't know if they can forgive.

In the beginning, all you could think about was H coming home. How much resentment are you really feeling now? I am concerned you will try to push all that down, in order to carry on going forward. I wish you two had giving it more time, but I understand.

Don't hold back on expressing your frustrations, hurt, etc., during the C sessions. It won't heal and can't get it worked out unless it is all laid out.

Ironic, isn't it? Sometimes life just suks.

SS - thank you, yes it does make sense but unfortunately all the feelings I feel are difficult to deal with and manage at times but it's getting better.

Sandi - I wish I could have give more time than allowing him to move back in.. It will be about 10 weeks when he moves back in. Financially it just wasn't really possible. A lot of our issue preDB were financial related and we both didn't want the finances to be a hardship anymore than they already will be from the debt H has accrued. I am by no means making excuses for him just trying to explain it better. Ideally we would have dated and spent more time figuring things out. Luckily I am still working my second job until December so it puts us crossing paths on my days off and it allows him to run the household when he moves back in on the days I am at work (I leave the house at 5am and usually don't get home until 9pm) so it is good for the boys and me as well for him to manage the household.

The divorce is not gone. We are on the 6 month abatement so we will revisit that when the 6 months is up. H is the man/husband/father I've always known him as and an even better man than he was pre DB. But geez couldn't he have found this out by something less traumatic! What's done is done but it still stings.

I feel C is a safe place. I have verbalized a lot of hurt and my feelings in C because the C helps H see it from someone else's perspective besides mine. The C is very neutral. He really likes H but believes he was very depressed and made rash decisions and surrounded himself with people that were his army that supported his decisions. He said I should treat him like he was on drugs. What matters is that he realized what he's done and he's getting help but he needs to earn my trust and prove that he's genuine.

The big thing I struggle with is did H come back because Ow broke up with him? I've asked. He stands by no. But I KNOW she ended it. But I can't give up my intel. He says yes she told him she needed a break and yes the first day he was really upset and Would have worked things out with her. But he said after that first day he finally had time to himself in his own place for the first time since he left in February. He said it was the. He was able to get his head out of his a$s and think wtf am I doing. He also said that the reason she wanted time apart is because things were getting weird between them because since june he was questioning wha he was doing and it caused fights between them. Them fighting so much is why he got is own apartment (so he says) apparently she moved in to her dad's to live wth H and they were arguing all the time so he said he just up and left and got his own place. He also told me she snooped through his phone a lot and would always ask about my texts and would often reply to me ( I had a feeling because I know how my H 'types' and some of the things were off).

Anyway.. None of that really matters because it is the past but wondering why he came back still gets to me. Is he being honest? the sad part is I don't know that I'll ever truly know.