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Some one was most defiantly according to h telling him that I was doing the wrong thing.

H only has one very close friend, bestie is odd ball never hardly speaks seems to be a watcher and very socially akward. Bestie is the sort you can feel watching you to be totally honnest he creeps me out. While I was always friendly I didn't always feel comfortable.

No never made a move on me. Given comments h use to make about besties marriage. how bestie moved out from wife for a whole year and h helped who would know the truth. H is a proven muddier of the truth.

Some of my obs are mind reads and educated guesses. H does exhibit paranoid behaviour at times. H does appear to be a narcasistic soul. He and bestie could be both narcs hence they find solice and comfort in like minded people.

Had my sister remind me of h actions in the r. Very narc, just reminded me how low down h priorities I was most of the time.

Went out yesterday got stuck having sheep camped on the road, then when I came home late cows again sleeping with bubbas on the road. Poor lamb got a late night feed.

Had horse chores today and I noted while dealing with young ones they reacted completely differently to me, my confidence or feeling of anxiety are way less. Yearling had much more confidence with my handling of her. Even tho she has next to no training. I should have been dealing with her at bd, but my head or heart wasn't in it.

Dogs raided the kitchen while the farrier was here rolls eyes. More mess!
At least they don't need dinner tonight.

Might do more handling of yearling tomorrow and do some assorted fencing. It rained a bit so ground is soft and I can bang some posts in where needed. Might even wash the car and do heaps of washing since water is in plentiful supply.

Then keep gal and lrt. They need to really come round, I suspect she's half hearted about her turn a rounds.

Mine hasn't remotely come round, so meh! In fact he keeps hammering home how he refused r! Even in his laywer statement.

Who cares who refused, his statement reads like a whiney she was nasty to me, it's her fault.

I just refused his statement with evidence. Like his statement of deaths and break ups. Wrong years wrong times. Wrong length of times.

We haven't spoke in any merit since march/April. The whole down slide anniversary is coming up in a few weeks. With bd being 4 weeks behind that.

HJ I put some comments on your thread, it would be lovely if we knew more about your sitch so that we can be more helpful.

Vanilla

I will look in jim.

I cant say I can offer an hopes for success, in my case he has never contacted me since bd, unless I contacted first. when I applied sandis rules he doesn't contact.

I haven't seen any thing or anyone connected to him in months. Last conversation was April, before Easter. When I went dark, I refused to answer 2 phone calls he now insists I never answer his calls, he never leaves a message.

The calls were made to my home while I wasn't home, he refused to call my mobile.

The only change I see on the outside is his mate suddlenly is turning up at my work when he hasn't been in for months and he's turning up at the place we go to dinner sitting in a bar as a non drinker. Both things are odd and out of character mate acts guilty and Is unbale to speak to me in any way. once when cornered mate said hello. Both events have happened since L proceedings started. H had also been driving by at times when my son was waiting for the school bus in a clients car.

I am moving the L stuff forward as I want a clean break if he intends to stay with ow, and all evidence says this is so. I have my sights set in rhc for now, as a friend, as he has divorce issues to finalise as well.

I needed a quiet day, but I worked with the yearling again.

I'm impressed, she is listening, processing and I have great control over her feet even without a rope. The ic wanted me to get out and work with the babies and said horses can show us our inner power far better than ic.

She might be a tree hugging, left wing, alternative life style, , raving greenie but it seems she might be a tad bit right too.
The timing I lost, the confidence I lost it seems to be coming back.

To me the whole handling youngsters was natural second nature and at no point did I need to think about it. It just was, then it wasn't I didn't have "it" any more. It was me for 25years, omg that makes me sound old. Breaking training handling its all a process.

It seems my self was lost watered down in a way I cannot explain and returning in a way I cannot explain to you folks out there either. I was pathetic, in fact at times beyond pathetic. The switch has flipped it's been moving I didn't notice but now it's just flown like a wheel.

the create mystery is just happening effortlessly. I have my lines
Naught girls don't tell. When questioned.
I'm going out "pause for effect " oh well just with friends hedging people assume there's a man.

The attitudes showing, although there has been the odd melt down and knee jerk. The war paint and dress make me far more confident along with the weight loss.

The whole picture is vastly different and today it feels vastly different to even a few moths ago.

I adore my gg and her attitude of naughtiness. I am going to the naughty knicker shop and going to get some skimpies. Wont cover the cellulite but what the.......

I just realised that I left my iPad at home and the last internet page opened was Jim's Xmas selection. If H snoops guess what he will see?

You got it. Guy power.

For once I hope he does. Snoop I mean, that would be a riot. How would I know. Might leave that as my home page to make sure.

I think the skills of our trade are only temporarily lost when we disappear into the depths of LBS (or equivalent). They come back as soon as we recover and the joy in finding these anew reassures that we are on a new path like the Spring unfolding after winter.

Much joy

Vanilla

Actually in my case since 2011 my mates have been complaining about "not being me"

Of not being remotely happy and sounding dressed despondent and a 180 of how they all knew me. How withdrawn, it was all self protection.

It was such a slow decline I did not see it or feel it. It was one of h complaints, but head so many. Mostly negative spew pretty much a gritstorm like mr gritty.

Constantly being called vindictive unforgiving nasty bitch w#^# accused of affairs.you name it he said it. Hiitting the child and all those other things he did just iced the cake while he blamed me for his short comings.

He very often ok so all the time put me last on the pecking order some,thing his w1 complained about, also he hands out punishment like another of the mlc husbands after he did something to hurt you.

if you complained stood up and stated its not ok you got punished. He is telling every one he's doing for the ow those needs I needed all that time. I suspect to punish me, except i don't feel punished I feel happier and healthier.

Like others on this board I cannot return to what we had, he is unable to won his part. Even in the settlement.

Vanilla Norty kickers in a vanilla shade! Whoooot whhooooot your gunna be smoking.

Snickers snorts coughs splurks coffee on the key board!

These ones they are so you vanilla called vanilla ice cream!
http://www.expressmylingerie.com.au/edible-underwear-bra-vanilla-ice-cream.htm

Runs and hides behind the fridge.
Ducks a tomato and crys oh my cheeks hurt.

As a aside norty knicker and slinky cool outfits do change your whole attitude.

And boys and girls you control your attitude.

self protection can make us do crazy things but it can also make other people do crazy things as they react to it. It also makes it difficult to distinguish the real complaints from the spew (before and after BD)

Hopefully your friends are seeing more and more of the old you coming back and you certainly seem to be having a positive influence on vanilla, (and an interesting one on my work attire)

thats all good and his loss

Seriously jim life is meant to be fun.

You don't get out alive you know.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WdEoputkE98
Thought of this old clip but funny as serious!