Smokey: Heather, I understand the pain that this situation has caused and I'm feeling it too. Just wanted you to know. Also, I paid the insurance premium for this month including all three vehicles. Hope you guys are buried in snow and still have power.
Haven't responded. But, that's the man I remember. Won't respond.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
This is his pattern. I completely get where you guys are coming from...but, for 30 years...this is his pattern. M screws up big time. M defiantly uses his drugs and continues on his path of self-destruction until M realizes he is losing his family. Then, M begins to get honest.
I will protect myself and stay on guard. But, dammit. This is a glimmer and I can't help but feel some hope.
Still, I understand this is business.
He is, obviously, not taking responsibility, as of yet. I get that. I won't respond.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
What you need to do is put a stop to this madness. Swat the tennis ball back in his court and then walk away from the arena.
I suggest that you send a short text: Thank you for the insurance premium. Please be advised that this will be the last text from me. Going forward starting today, please direct all your communications to my attorney. Take care.
THEN DO NOT ENGAGE OR TALK WITH SMOKEY IN WHATEVER SHAPE, FASHION OR MANNER.
If he blows up your phone, ignore it. Then document them for evidence. Be smart about this!
Look, I don't think you have to get crazy about the "don't contact me!" stuff - it just lets on that you are still bothered by him, which means he is still getting a reaction.
Just be short and succinct in your responses. Leave out the personal. Be polite. Don't answer questions you don;t want to answer - deflect.
If he brings up divorce stuff, tell him to address those questions to your attorney.
Could he be coming out of the tunnel? Maybe. Should you get your hopes up? No. Should you put the divorce on hold if he comes running back? He!! no! Get your finances squared away, get him committed to support, get your share of his pension etc. THEN, once you're divorced, if he wanted to get clean and straightened out and try to woo you back - sure, you could let him IF you wanted. But get the financial divorce business done first. You cannot trust this guy with your financial well-being.
Maybe he'll wake up enough to be a better father, and that's a good thing. So remember the dog training advice - reward the good behaviors, ignore the bad ones.
Just don't let yourself get sucked back into some kind of fantasy that he's going to change into a different person and come back to save you. Stay focused on your own progress.
I can see your point. From my perspective, I think is critically important that Heather insulate herself from Smokey. As for the kids, that is something that Heather struggles too as Smokey likes to fish for information using the kids.
That is a fine tightrope to walk on, Ellie. Where can she draw the line without getting sucked into it time and time? I am not saying that Heather is incapable of it. Just basing this on their track record.
This is not to say that Smokey cannot communicate with the girls. Just that he cannot be trusted at all as evidenced by his fishing expeditions. When he DOES contact the girls, it is for ulterior reasons.
