Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers New to DB - Need Help! Pt 2

We're at home enjoying a rainy fall afternoon. Getting ready to watch to Ole Miss game.

Been a pretty good weekend. She said to me a little while ago that she was happy that I didn't leave town and that she felt good. She also told me that she was actually relieved that OM hasn't contacted her in a few days. She's starting to see how his contact, mundane as it might be, is screwing with her emotions, and how she feels like it's helping her get him out of her system. I know better than to hang too much on any one statement, but I see little glimmers of sanity here and there.

Last night the dishwasher broke and I jumped in there and fixed it, like a boss . One of her complaints about me was that I've not often been a go-getting, take charge and get things done kind of guy. Proved her wrong last night. She didn't come out and thank me, but she's been warmer today. I'll take any small victory I can get.

I screwed up a bit. We were curled up together watching the game. We fell asleep. I woke up at one point and tried to initiate sex. She told me no. I didn't press the issue. She's not mad and she's still curled up with me on bed. She hasn't mentioned it yet. I guess I misread her signals again. I'm not showing any disappointment

She returned from the bathroom later with a smug look on her face. She knows two men want to sleep with her. I think she's feeling a little sexual power right now.

Wife still relatively pleasant, though not affectionate with me. It's almost like she's doing her own little 180 on me. I can tell that she connects with me more than she says she does, based on the way she looks at me, but I'm not about to point that out to her.

I felt bad about trying to initiate sex today, though she hasn't mentioned it. If she does, I'll pass it off as "I got horny, I took a shot. Sue me".

I spoke with one of our mutual friends today, he basically told me to do what I was doing, even though he's never read DR or DB. He advised me to let the situation with the OM play itself out. He didn't betray any confidences, but he was sure that there's never been a PA. I never really believed there was either. He reminded me to take it day by day and not worry about the future. One thing he said that stuck with me: "The bottom may drop out one day, but it didn't today."

Goals for the coming week:

Not mention OM at all, and shut down her discussion of OM if she starts gushing about him.

Shut things down if she gets panicky and abusive like she did last week.

No more initiating affection. She needs to do some of the heavy lifting here, and she clearly does not want to right now.

I was able to demonstrate this week that I am the assertive, take-charge guy she says she needs. Continue to do more in that area this week. Continue to GAL.

Do. Or do not. There is no try.

A mantra I've started repeating to myself in the shower:

Every morning that I wake up is another chance to be my wife's husband, my children's father, and my own man.

Awesome list. But you've got it backwards.

Good morning Starsky

Yeah, I wasn't thinking in terms of priority, but you're right. It just sounded like it flowed better the way I said it

Talked to the wife of a good friend from church today. Turns out she had the same experience with her XH that I'm going through with my W. She said she could have written my story, dialogue and all.

She was also a regular on here when she was going through her sitch.

It's funny how in the midst of so much pain you can often find so much blessing.

Rzr,

Forget sex, forget cuddling, forget your pecker!

Stay focused. Be upbeat around W and take charge of stuff. Like organizing outings with kids, fix things w/o being told to do so, be pleasant, and be comfortable in your own skin.

Hey, I'd still plan on the biking trip to Austin anyway if I were you.

Yeah, I'm looking at the best time to reschedule. And yes, I let the wrong head do my thinking yesterday.

She got panicky about Thanksgiving today. She's afraid that I won't handle my parents well this week. I just told her, "The parents are my mess to clean up; I got this."

She doesn't believe me, but that's OK right now. She did calm down a little bit after that. My actions will speak louder than words anyway.

Damn! I did it again. I attacked the OM. I wasn't as strident as I have been in the past (in other words, not obscene), but I did talk about he's getting a charge off of texting with my W, often when he's sitting next to his own W. I spoke about how he seems so put together and in charge (which she finds so attractive), but he's really a weak person getting an ego charge off this dangerous stuff he's doing with my W.

Those things are all true, but i didn't need to say them to HER.

3rd MC session in a couple of hours. I'll post afterwards.