Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wife walked away (4 months ago now) thread 3

So what did you tell her?

I told her that I am not that man to her anymore. And that I am not going to pay her rent. That her frivolous requests through the lawyers are just wasting our community property.

And then this afternoon, she tells me that she still has feelings for me....

Seriously, you can't make this stuff up. What goes on in the mind of a WAW is a mystery to me.

So it's a day later. I had some time to sleep on things.

It is obvious to me that she is still in a fog of confusion. Reality is starting to hit her in the backside, and it looks scary. The reality of her life, is that it will be tough. It won't be as good as it was with me.

She keeps bringing up the kids, as the reason, and not her.

I want to be a strong co-parent, and I want to find a way to be friends with the mother of my children. But it will talk a long time before I trust her. The divorce train has left the station it's full steam ahead. Not because I don't love her, but because I need to set legal boundaries to stop her from hurting me and the kids.

So, it looks like listening to my gut is a smart decision.

I went to go drop S9 off at school (I have to pass WAW's place to get him to the drop off spot)

And the OM's car is parked there....

It's funny, how a WAW when faced with the reality of a life of hardship vs a life as a wife will turn on a dime.. but really she is just being cunning.

Yes, she is, and that's why a LBH can't trust a wayward W when out of the blue (and being hit with first wave of reality) she suddenly has feelings. Even if she goes to him crying and saying she wants to work things out, he better be careful and not give her a "yes" immediately. If she has not truly had a change of heart and just thinking about her financial problems, then time always tell off on her. She won't walk the straight & narrow very long.

That is why I try to explain that WW's have to work to get the H back. Sounds a little contradiction to the theory of keeping the road home paved smooth, but if she is wayward, she will put you through all that pain again if she is able to get you that easily (saying she has feelings, etc.). The difference in the WW is she has to get herself straighten out before anything else works. Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don't.

I am really sorry things didn't work out, Mac. You sound like a terrific guy, and whoever may be your next lady, I hope realizes how lucky she is.

Sandi2:

It's funny how for months I was dreaming of that moment. And then through this process of finding myself I found that I could live without her.

And more importantly, that if I met her on the street and knew everything about her that I wouldn't let her in S9's life. Who knows if she will ever change (most likely she wont). She will still be in my life as the mother of my son. Other then that I figure she'll still avoid battling her demons, and make everyone around her pay the price. If she does, then who knows what the future holds. Well, the one thing I do know is that she lost the privilege of being called my wife.

Christina Perri has a great song called Jar of Hearts that is a very appropriate message for her - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v_4O44sfjM

Thanks for the compliment Sandi2 on me being a nice guy. For the longest time I believed I wasn't. Now I can see that I am a good man, with a big heart (fractured, but healing). And you are right, I'm sure I will meet someone in the world who values me for the person I truly am.

I'll keep everyone updated as we progress towards divorce.

A little update for everyone.

WAW asks to come over two nights ago to grab some of her and D16's snow clothes. I agree, and when she comes I go into the storage unit out back and start pulling out snow stuff.

We separate the snow stuff, and I find a couple old fleeces that we had bought years ago. I grab them go to throw them out, and she is kind of set back. She asks why I wouldn't save them and my response (this is golden.. I wasn't trying to be passive aggressive) -

"I find no point in keeping things that I don't need in my life anymore"

The look on her face, was one of astonishment. I didn't mean anything buy the statement, but it really does reflect where I am at in my life. She said a couple more words, and then asked to take them instead of me throwing them away.

Shortly after, she was headed out the door. I said good bye and let her go.

30 seconds go by and she rings the doorbell asking for a hug.

You can't make this stuff up....

So, I got in a car crash with S9 in the car this afternoon.

My first thought was to call the WAW. I did, left a message on her phone saying that S9 and I were alright, that he has a minor scrape....

After 14 years, and all that she has done to us she is still my first call... Some habits die hard I guess.

You did the right thing by letting her know her son was not hurt.

Your story is absolutely fascinating. I wonder if she really had a change of heart of sort, or if it appears this way because your expectations are so low now that she can only exceed them.

Keep updating.

PS: I really hope my WAW won't find this song Christina Perri!