I missed that while catching up on your sitch. Sorry!
M:54, H:55 T:33, M:27 12/13 BD: EA 01/14 BD: PA, H leaves 03/14 H & OW break up 05/14 H says he will file for D 08/14 H initiates D 09/14 H wants to R 12/14 Still bungling our way through R
Hey, Shakspr, what's up with you? How are you doing?
Thinking of you and hoping our prayers are helping. I may not be a good thread reader, but I pray pretty damn hard.
M:54, H:55 T:33, M:27 12/13 BD: EA 01/14 BD: PA, H leaves 03/14 H & OW break up 05/14 H says he will file for D 08/14 H initiates D 09/14 H wants to R 12/14 Still bungling our way through R
First of all - from reading the backstory - you and your family have had a lot on your plate for many years. I admire you all for your perseverance.
May I add one timid thought re D21? I remember you sharing some of your personal history - and frankly it sounds like you are a pull yourself up by the bootstraps, super overachieving type of guy. Your XW has obviously overcome a lot of hardship as well. Not everyone is like that - and I know of several families where the parents have had to overcome significant hardship in their lives and their children struggle to meet that very high bar.
Just a thought.
It's a good thought.
And another, people who have real problems often are difficult to be around (I have one living with me right now). I like your attitude of love/relationship first. She does need to make her own decisions about careers/jobs and be accountable for her life. But her progress most likely won't be linear.
Parenting, it's not for sissies.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Good morning, all. Thanks for all the encouraging words and helpful suggestions. Will post more later. It was a good weekend with the children. All of them.
See ya!
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
Shakspr, I did the book version of purpose driven life and I loved it. It led me to other great aspects of my new life (church, kids, friends) that I didn't realize I needed/wanted. I've been away from the board for a while and will try to read your sitch as a few details I never mentioned on board or happened before D sound very familiar.
Seek God and glorify Him in everything you do...Not a word for word bible quote, but the life you gain from doing so is worth it.
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
"Seek God and glorify Him in everything you do...Not a word for word bible quote, but the life you gain from doing so is worth it."
I'm certainly trying to.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
A few quick hits because my life has become incredibly time-restricted.
If you choose to say yes to an ex's request for assistance (picking up bunk beds for your kids, for instance) and it is hard, and late, and you're tired...fake a good attitude anyway.
When conversing with XW over text or phone, focus on "I, me, we, us, & our" statements (especially since most of those convos are about children). Avoid "You" and "Why". You've heard this stuff before, but I promise that it still works post-D.
XW is being extremely pleasant and keeping me informed of school events, grades, etc. So, I suppose I am far luckier than some in my situation. No indication whatsoever that she regrets her decision to leave.
D21...man, is there a "Parent of Juvenile Adults Remedy" book coming out soon? I have made some progress with her, focusing on love, relationships, responsibility, and respect. Seems to be working, and she is listening. I'm listening, too, and trying to help her find the path she wants/needs.
Money trouble. When everything is paid, there isn't much left. But I know how to handle that. Pay close attention to this, and don't let depression or unhappiness spur you into impulse buys. I put stuff in my Amazon cart - but it must sit there 72 hours before I press "Buy."
I know there isn't much DB/DR in this post, but so many of you have been looking in on me, didn't want to continue to be a stranger.
GAL this weekend - Six Flags company outing (NO LINES, NO WAITING) with me and the children.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
That's, kewl! I'll drive down 360 on Sat just so I can wave at you, lol.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
If you choose to say yes to an ex's request for assistance (picking up bunk beds for your kids, for instance) and it is hard, and late, and you're tired...fake a good attitude anyway.
-- Why did you say yes to this? Don't be her rescuer. She's a big girl and can and should solve her own problems now.
When conversing with XW over text or phone, focus on "I, me, we, us, & our" statements (especially since most of those convos are about children). Avoid "You" and "Why". You've heard this stuff before, but I promise that it still works post-D.
-- Why are you conversing with her on the phone? If you're planning things for the kids, I'd keep it short, sweet and in text format so you don't veer off script.
XW is being extremely pleasant and keeping me informed of school events, grades, etc. So, I suppose I am far luckier than some in my situation. No indication whatsoever that she regrets her decision to leave.
-- You will never know. Now is the time for YOU. Whether she has regrets or not is irrelevant to the awesomeness that will be your life when you no longer care what she is thinking relative to you and get on with enjoying your own life (and you have a lot to offer!).
D21...man, is there a "Parent of Juvenile Adults Remedy" book coming out soon? I have made some progress with her, focusing on love, relationships, responsibility, and respect. Seems to be working, and she is listening. I'm listening, too, and trying to help her find the path she wants/needs.
-- You're being an awesome dad. Listening to her is key. Let her find her own path though. Guide her through asking questions and let her find her own answers.
Enjoy your GAL activity with the kids!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Hey, Ahoy. I'll take a shot. Keeping me on track takes a village.
W is still recovering from surgery. This was more about my kids having a place to sleep than anything. However, you are correct, and I intend to let her challenges be hers. I do want to have a PMA when we are in the same place at the same time. And that, I suppose was the focus I was trying to achieve for others who may find themselves in the same spot.
Two phone calls since D. All business. Other correspondence is via text, email, or in person. I don't initiate phone calls.
Yep, time to get on with my own life. Next challenge: Learn to say "No" without feeling guilty - to my XW and D21.
Conditioned responses are hard to break.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
