Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Need help. Jefe's even more confused pt 5

I'll go back and look for them Starsky. Yes, I do think they would be helpful. I have not dismissed the strategy I'm just taking in ALL the information.

FWIW, I can read between the lines enough to know Hope has some sort of degree in this. Whether that's helpful in this discussion or not, IDK. But she has such a keen insight into how my wife is thinking and acting I would be a fool not to listen to her advice as well.

"Sadly I didn't have the moral courage to admit to myself that my wife was a lying, cheating, selfish piece of s**t. I should have laid down an ultimatum, and if she refused to dump the OM, I should have thown her crap out the front door in hefty bags and then filed for divorce."

Theoden, my wife has already moved out I hardly think giving an ultimatum at this point would get me much of anywhere. A) Ultimatums imply the person giving them has some sort of power or control over the situation, which I clearly do not. B) Even if I did have power, my W's personality is such that she would go scorched earth just to prove to me who has the power now.

However, I do appreciate the sentiment in what you were trying to say. I also realize that you weren't necessarily suggesting that this is the next step that I should take or should ever take.

My perception is that my wife has steadily been withdrawing since this past Saturday afternoon, so all of this discussion may be a moot point anyway because we may have to switch tactics.

Now where my biggest flaws lie is in the interpretation of why she's withdrawing. I tend to go extreme worst case in my head (it has caused many marital problems over the course of years). It could be because she has progressed with OM2 and they're dating. It could be because she is depressed over the marriage, it could be because she she is having normal hormone fluctuations (I have learned the hard way to not argue, fight, or have any serious discussion with her when she is pre-menstrual. We ALWAYS have the worst fights then. If I have done my math right, that is this week. The day she walked out she was at the peak of pre-menstrual). Or, it could be that she has not withdrawn at all and I'm just miss-reading the ques. Who knows.

While I'm on the subject, though. I have been pondering the "intel" I have about her "being " with OM2 on the 17th. The intel shows that she was at CJ's (a shi**y pool hall in a shi**y part of town) with OM2, OM2's sister and her husband. She friended the sister on FB first. There is a possibility she went there with sis. There is a possibility she went with OM2. There's a possibility she went down on OM2 in the parking lot or went home with him, Hell there's even a possibility she had a 3some in the bathroom with both OM2 and BIL.
And there is a possibility she did none of this and just played pool with some friends at CJ's because that's where they wanted to go.
Do I think she is courting/grooming OM2? Yes. But we don't know his interest level. And if we are perfectly honest, he's a bit of a pretty boy and my wife (while more beautiful to me than anything) is a bit overweight and out of shape. Even that has no real relevance in this because all of the above scenarios could still be true.

Point being, after that exhaustively long paragraph, I don't really know anything. She's been treating me like a mushroom for at least 45 days.

So, I am harvesting as much information as I can to help me save me and save my marriage.
And Starsky, I read MWD's LRT and It's just a simplified version of the 37 rules so, yes I'm open to more of that, too.

OK.

I post a book and he posts two letters....LOL

Thank you Starsky,





sincerely.

Well, someone's gotta make up for Hope414's and 25yrsmlc's long posts, and keep the average bandwidth down, lol.

Hi Jefe, FWIW - you may not want to spend much time and energy wondering 'why has my W done this...what is she doing...with whom, why etc.'

You may just want to work on the fact that she has withdrawn. Not much you can do about that at this point....she will do what she will do....So, back to GAL, distance, focus on you and the kids etc...and do it all for 'you' - not to re-attract her back...

Hope things improve for you soon :-)

Starsky,

Do you have the name of your sitch, I'm trying to find it and would like to read thought it. Thanks

What instrument do you play Jefe? I do drums and I got to play last night for an amazing service.

Thinking about writing a country song titled:

"What part of I do don't you understand?"

I know hope would tell me there is actually a lot I need to understand, but anyway... :-)

I play lead guitar.

Side note, we did 2 Carrie Underwood tunes and 1 Rascal Flats tune last night, big fun. I'm a hard rock guy and never get to play country.

I was in an almost meditative state on stage last night. I just let the music do the talking for me.

Another thing I have my wife to thank for. She's the one that got me the hook-up into the worship band. I had been trying for years to get into the main worship group.

I love the song title. And yes, I bet Hope would line you out pretty darn fast.

No sleep worth a crap. I dreamt about that stupid bar and Johnny all freaking night, ugh.


Jefe's mouth strikes again. Damn when will I learn to just keep it shut.

The wife called this morning to talk to the girls and when she was done we were talking for a moment, she asked: "So, how are you doing this morning?" she made a comment about missing and being away from the girls and then said, "well, somebody's got to pay the bills" which I responded , that's kind of a lame excuse..... Here come the 2x4's ..... I could not catch it before it flew out. I was sorry for it the second I said it. She responded with "And that right there is why I'm not at the house." and hung up.

I tried to call but she wouldn't pick up so I sent several texts validating her feelings and making amends and apologizing.

Damn that was a stupid thing to say and do. Ugh ugh ugh....