Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wife walked away (4 months ago now) thread 3

Dpthght,

I'm in a much better place then I was 4 months ago (today is actually the 4 month anniversary of what I thought was the worst moment of my life....

Now, while some days are hard, I am getting by. And each day my life gets a little bit better. That I guess is all I can ask for.

I accept that it is very unlikely that my W will ever come back to me and truly love me (vs just needing me for something). I accept that I will love her forever. I accept that I have to move on.

Thats the life I'm living. BigMac2.0

Yeah I am coming up on two months and I can tell the things I have been doing for myself have helped me detach tremendously. I am in the same boat with you, I doubt my W will ever come back at this point, but I can't worry about that and only work on me.

Glad you are better

Detaching is key, and then seeing the warning signs when your WAW comes in and of your life, and your heart is drawn to her.

It's hard. We are here on this forum because we love our WAW's (and husbands). We believe that marriage is hard, but worth it. We want it to work. But that connection can sabotage us, and stop any chance of rebuilding.

It is a cruel joke of the heart.

Contact update,

Last night the W txt's me a link to a huffington post article - a mans open letter to his ex wife. Not to sure what to think about it.

I read that article. Do you think she's speaking for herself or telling you what she wants to hear from you?

Grindr!

Good luck with that:-)

I just looked at your timeline, BigMac. We're almost timeline brothers...

My wife quit contacting me more than a month ago. All I can do now is hope and pray she comes to her senses.

That's the reason I am usually in favor of the WAW getting hit with reality as soon as possible. Not only does her fantasy castle begin to crumble, but usually the OM starts pulling back. Even if they have plans of living together, they need to deal with real life together and each of them get to see one another under those circumstances. Funny how it just seems to drain off all that excitement and thrill the A had for them when the LBH was picking up the tab and trying to fix her problems.

Clearly, this would not include any rescuing behavior on behalf of the H. Neither should it be seen as as a punitive action. And it won't be, if the H has the right attitude in place. Tough love is exactly that.......tough. It is not fun and it hurts. Doesn't mean your heart is tough. Replace the word "tough" with "strength". You have to have enough strength to stand your ground as she goes through those experiences. It takes real love to do it. Anyone can be a pushover, but not everyone can apply tough love.

When our children become of age, and we have done our best to guide, influence, and teach them the best choices in life from the harmful........there may come a time/point/issue in their life when they don't want to listen to the parent. What does the parent do if it is a behavior, lifestyle, or choices in people that could have devastating results for them? Parents go to end of the world trying to help, support, advise and rescue their child. But when he/she is grown and rebels against what you have tried to instill, and he/she continues a destructive pattern......then what? Life is a cruel teacher, but sometimes it gets the lessons across quicker or better when everything the parent was supplying has been removed. Not in every single case, of course, but many.....and I am not implying we turn our backs on anyone in life or death situations (just to be clear).

So, same principal applies when you have a wayward W. She is rebelling! If she won't listen and chooses to continue in the wrong direction.......sometimes it means removing everything the H was supplying before she begins to wake up and think & see through clearly, instead of a fogged out brain and wearing rose-colored glasses.

Just my thoughts.

Maybell,

Honestly, I'm not sure. She is really confusing me lately.

Nmwb113,

I'm sorry to hear that, I hope that she comes back

Sandi2,

You have a great point, her credit cards were allowing this point not to get hit for the past couple months (and the fact that she does have a decent paying job). Reality coming was not in my control at that point.

We are where we are at right now, I'm still shouldering a bunch of the financial burden, but luckily for her things are pretty tight. And the past month or two has been hell for her.

She has been panicking a bit, and lashing out at my while she is. I'm trying my best to survive it and withdraw, letting her come to me.

Update,

I think I'm back in the LRT. Just avoiding contact whenever possible. I did get a thank you from the W when I paid her rent... Other then that, it's been crickets.

I'm not sure what to expect now, but I'm just focused on taking care of me and my stuff, and trying not to freak out about what comes down the pipe.