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HWA thanks for your comments.
I respect and hear what you say, I've read your story and know you've been there and experienced it yourself as well. I feel a kindred spirit.
Things seem a lot brighter for you now and I send you my best wishes.
I hope that the fog lifts soon for me and that I get to see some light at the end of this tunnel.

Feeling pretty low at the moment.
Guess I'm just looking for some support from you guys here
- can I call you friends?

Five months into this and it's still so hard.
Friends telling me they've noticed how much W has changed recently.
They don't know the reason - yet.
She says she's happy with 'her decision'.
Not going to change her mind or change back.
No man's going to get this!
She's well and truly immersed in the lifestyle now with her new friends. They're her new family and she's spending more of her free time with them than with us.

I'm still trying to DB for all I'm worth and the best I can.
My perception is it just feels like I'm getting nowhere..
She's hardly acknowledged me tonight let alone had a conversation.
Spent all evening in her room - even eaten in there on her own!

Hate what's happened to my family.

Jay,

Sure thing...feel free to call us your friends! What a nice feeling, isn't it?

It's your lucky night! I am around to hug you (((Jay))). Staying inside to keep warm from the frigid temps.

I am so sorry that you're feeling really down and having a rough time with all of this. It is not an easy thing to live with day in and day out.

My suggestion? I think it would be helpful to start saying "hi there" to W. Keep at it even if she's cold or is very brief with you. In the face of coldness, one needs to keep chipping away at the glacier. Take it from me...it took me a good 4 solid months before Ms. Wonka cracked open just a teensy bit.

The most important thing is not to acknowledge W's "friends" or whatever. Instead treat her like a roommate that you know and like (well...maybe not at the moment).

Try to keep your comments short...like "wow, just saw the news that the temps are really dropping!" The trick is to keep the convos impersonal to the WAS.

I'm curious...when was the last time that you, W and your daughters spent time together in the same room?

Hi Wonka,
Good question, and one that's made me think.

It's been a while, just the four of us - weeks ago, can't really remember!

Ok. I'm rubbish at boundaries!
Had the perfect opportunity tonight but bottled it.
Just the two of us in the lounge, watching tv. Couldn't have been sat further away from each other.
She could have been messaging anybody I suppose, but what are the odds?

I have troubles with this as well - I am almost always assuming the worst. My W does the same - texting all the time, could be to anyone.

Do I ask? no. Do I stew? yes - try not to show it. I am having major trust issues these days - and she's on to me.

I try to convince myself that my assumptions are wrong and stop those thoughts. - what else can I do?

By the way, had a really nice family meal tonight, just like old times, apart from the elephant in the room.
All four of us plus eldest D's boyfriend.
I cooked it all as well, one of my 180's.
After being away for a few days, not at work!, W returned 'home' yesterday and has spent most of the time since shut away in her bedroom.
Still don't ask where she's been or who with etc.
Not much communication with D's let alone me!
She's otherwise engaged it seems. I know that she's continually messaging someone or more than one person!

She did join us for the meal, and a good chat had during, engaged her in conversation and made her laugh. she did some clearing up afterwards admittedly, but then went straight back upstairs to her room.

She did come downstairs for a while and watched tv but couldn't leave the phone alone..
Made some excuse which I didn't quite hear and disappeared back to the room for the night!

My take on all this so far...
She's still immersed and wrapped up in this new lifestyle with all her new friends.
The three of us are extras, secondary players in this movie at the moment, may be forever, who knows - can't predict the future!
For my part.. I try my best!
I ask no questions.
Absolutely no pursuit.
She wonders why I don't respond to messages.
She asks if I'm going to be in or out for evening meals.
My relationship with D's is the best it's ever been.
Need to improve..
Boundary setting..!!

Keep on what you're doing Essjay, keep focusing on yourself. It's vital to your sanity. Once I learned that I had no control over my WAW, it actually made things easier.

This may have been covered in an earlier post, but it's not unusual for people in the throes of MLC to experiment with the same sex. It doesn't necessarily mean that she's a true lesbian.

Grace and peace to you and your family.

Spent a nice evening out with youngest D.
Something to eat followed by a movie.
Quality Dad & Daughter

Had a very brief chat about our situation and a couple of things she said really hit me; not just what she said but the way she said it as well.

"I feel like I really don't know her anymore.
Feels like she's not 'my Mum' anymore either.

Feels more like she's my sister".!!!!

Hi essjay! I agree that you are doing great... in a very tough situation.

I like that your W is comfortable enough to stay in your home. You deserve much credit for this.

If you want the best chance for a new and better marriage with your W, I suggest you stay on your present course. Continue to give her space while building up your new life without her.

As I posted to you earlier, I doubt W is going to stick with women. Wonka's experience agrees with this.

Have you studied about MLC, both here and elsewhere? This stuff takes time, and lots of it. Is your long term marriage worth it to you? I get the sense that it is... like mine is to me.

Will you still be there when W wakes up? I know right now you hope to be.

Continue to look for little opportunities to connect, and build on it. If W is not receptive, that's ok, just pull back and give her space and time. But make no mistake... maintaining that connection will have you guys that much closer when she does have a change of heart.

Continue building a satisfying life of your own, that doesn't rely on W.

Then, when you do receive the little glimpses of the old, or better still, the new and improved W, (and you WILL) it will only add to the joy in your life.

Bust On my friend, you got this!