Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers wife needs time to figure things out, need advice

Ok so, i want to get some opinions on this. The following morning after our IC convo, i withdrew from her. I was gonna leave the house without saying goodbye. But then she said by and i responded. Later that morning, text convo went like this:

Me-I'm sorry for my mood this morning.

Her- It's fine...I understand...Trust me.

Me-For whatever my words are worth, I hope you find whatever it is you're seeking. Whether it be with me, him, or whomever. As much as it pains my heart, I truly wish to see you happy again, you deserve that much. Te amo para siempre.

Her-(my name) I'm sorry I'm making you hurt so much..I really do mean that

Me-I know it upsets you when I say this....but I know you understand why I ask. If it is truly your intentions to seek a relationship with this guy, please be honest with me. I'd be a fool to think you stopped talking to him. Although it will absolutely destroy me inside, I seek reassurance that you honestly don't know what it is you want. I wish i could turn off my anxiety, but I just can't unlove you. I beg you to not be upset with me.

Her-Omg (my name) really the last thing I'm worried about is a Damn relationship...seriously?!?...I told u our problems have nothing to do with anyone bottomnline...they are our problems and have been for years now (my name).....

Thoughts?

I've had a similar conversation. The way I look at it is that yes there were long standing issues but the OM is her running away from them. If there wasn't OM I think my W would be more willing to work at it.

The attention OM has given her has woken something up inside that I wasn't triggering. So catalyst rather than cause

Here's whats crazy....i knkw know this may not be the smartest thing to do
but....like i said before i contacted the OM's "girlfriend"

When i found out about them still talking i just blindly did it to make someone else feel my pain. But to be honest, it helped me. We text every now and then, just to vent and help eachother cope with it all.

The crazy part is, he is apologizing for everything to her and too make a long story short, trying wo get her back. In a way i am relieved, but at the same time i am still worried.

Heard the same from my W .
It's not about OM it's about us but then Says she can't give up OM because they have fun together . I'm not sure going to a pub getting pissed is fun but to her it is.

I agree with jim the OM becomes a crutch /cushion / reason to leave .
I wonder how many OM get used to just give them a reason/catalyst to leave.

I should say that I do know I wasn't meeting her emotional needs. My W felt unloved and unsupported which is why she was open to OM in the first place

Yea, I know that is part of my whole sitch. Which is what kills me the most. i am ready and wiling to be there now. But she cant accept that right now.

But im curious of how the OM reaching out to his X is going to play into all this.

Could just be both of them cake eating .

Badly I suspect but that's not your issue so let it be.

When it comes to their R, I'm merely a spectator. Just an ear to listen, likewise she is the same for me.

As far as my W, it does concern me. Cake eating.....such an ugly feeling. But i know i can do nothing to tear her from the fog.

i am trying to slowly GAL outside of home, just soo hard when she decides to go out all the the time, and i dont want to leave the kids with a babysitter.

That's something you can deal with. Politely tell her you have plans for whenever and that she will need to watch the kids that night. Its respectful, courteous and not being a door mat