Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wife walked away (4 months ago now) thread 3

PS: is there a mistake in your timeline? The bomb comes after she left.

Bomb: 5/16/2014
She left 4/14/2014
Separated: 5/25/2014

It's funny. I am just that. There is no love. Heck, there probably hasn't been for a very long time.

I have always been her financial rescuer, not the man who holds the keys to her heart. That man is the OM now.

ok, to be specific, which one is the bomb. Where she says she wants a divorce?

Others will have to explain the conventions around here, but to me it goes like this.

Separation: spouse announces that the relationship is over. ILYBINILWY
Bomb: spouse announces that she wants a divorce (I haven't made it there yet)
Leaving home: after some sort of cohabitation, spouse leaves the joint home
Divorce: papers are delivered or signed

In your timeline, your spouse left home (4/14/2014) before the separation (5/25/2014). I'm not sure how that works. She didn't tell you why she was leaving? She called it a break so you didn't consider it a separation?

Mozza, thanks for the clarification.

Suffice it to say, its a long complicated story about how and when we broke up. After this is over I should write a book about it.

So, it is over.

Two days ago my WAW threatened to take the kids out of state if I didn't comply with one of her demands. She is continuing to be unbalanced and unreasonable, that threat constitutes a threat to the emotional well being of S9 if I didn't get some legal protection around me.

I am doing the ultimate LRT and detachment. I filed for divorce, and had her served and notified of the standing orders here which prohibit her from disturbing the kids school or removing them from the state.

I never thought I would file for divorce against my wife. I never thought it would come to this. The reality is that whatever path she went down has made her unstable, and I can't change that. She may get better, she may get worse. I wish the best for her. She is the mother of my son, and we had been best friends for most of our adult lives. I will always have love for her, but there are some lines that cannot be crossed, and separating a son from his father is one of them.

So now I start the ultimate GAL. Thanks for all the help everyone. The original goal was to get my WAW back, but I ended up finding myself instead.

Thank you,

Big Mac

Wow. What a development. I just went back to read your original post and I'm very impressed with all that you've done to get to that point. That's something you can be proud of, in this difficult moment.

Will you keep posting here? I hope so. In your original post, you mentioned that this might be a multi-year process. What's your outlook now?

Hey Big Mac,

My pastor shared something with me yesterday that's awesome. You can look at divorce as the white flag of surrender that signifies the pain of this situation is now too great and must be stopped. In war, when the enemy gets to the point to where they are now are directly attacking our children, it only makes sense to surrender to spare them more pain. You did the right thing. Look at the legal process as forcing a peaceful solution to a chaotic situation and leaving the pain of the battle behind. You really need to shut the door on that aspect of your relationship anyway, and a D will certainly do that. Just because the D happens does not mean it has to be the end, it just moves on in a different way. It's like ending a sentenace with a period, and then beginning a new sentence, chapter, book, etc.

I think it's also a very respectful thing to do to put your foot down to protect your children. It shows you will protect them, even from you W. I know it was hard, but often the right thing is. Praying for you today.

FD

Just chiming in to say I see a "bomb" as any kind of "this relationship ain't to me what you thought it was". Any kind of "I'm leaving" or "we're done" or "I don't know if I love you anymore"...whatever form it takes.

It's any kind of announcement that something is up and the status quo isn't business as usual anymore. If you're not expecting it, it rocks your world. Like a bomb.



Also, Mac, it's not over until you decide it is. If that's what you truly want, to let go, then that's fine. But it doesn't have to be over during (or even after) a D. Anything can change at any time, and your behavior can help or hinder that.

So long as you're breathing and willing, it ain't over.

That's right. Another DB-like book I read, also advocating to go with the flow, says that divorce is just a piece of paper. I understand it's an important piece of paper, but it's not the relationship. You said at the outset that this would be a multi-year process, so it's still your call how you want to go about it. You can hang in there, go through this rough period and keep the faith. Or you can make the choice that things are hopeless, that moving on would be the best for all involved. You still have control over your side of the relationship.