Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Time for Change

What a week. Let me collect my thoughts here of what has gone on.

Friend/colleague was killed in car accident on way to work.

2 year anniversary of nephews fatal car accident

2 year anniversary of mom's breast cancer diagnosis

Found s17's stash

Several calls from school re s17

S17 left overnight upset and left a note (not telling whereabouts) and was gone until 10AM (cell off)

S17 had a breakdown (I'm hoping a breakthrough)

Calling hours for friend

Funeral for friend (couldn't attend bc I didn't know where s17 was)

Had to tell students about friends death (their teacher- she taught a subject in my room with me everyday)

Had to be strong for students all week

Homecoming week- made several (last minute) trips to stores for supplies and things.

D13 and her volleyball team made our house gathering spot for decorating parade float, etc (I don't mind, but they left HUGE messes and added to the craziness of the week)

D13 had 3 games plus practices this week

S17 Had practices and a game

Credit card was compromised and over 5K charged to my account.

At dr appointment found out things were a little more advanced than I anticipated. Surgery soon.

My friend at work found a lump.

My best friend is getting tested for Meniere's disease.

Still dealing with changing things over, finances, all that garbage.

XH contacted me every day this week.

So... my "Time for Change"... hopefully is now! Two years of weeks like this. Two years. It is time for change.

Oh yeah, and my dad who has been sober for 17 years started drinking again. (His drinking was the cause for my parents' divorce when I was a kid. They are now remarried.)

That is just far too much for any one person to handle. For real.

How are you doing with it all?

How are you taking care of YOU?

Are you sleeping ok?

I'm worried about you. That's just too much.

I'm sorry.

Hmm.. Seems God thinks of you as a strong person. Sometimes it might be nice to not have that thought of us. Or so we may think.

Mostly sounds normal to me, except for the doctor diagnoses. I am hoping that goes well, Mighty. The fact that the rest sounds normal to me, makes me wonder about me

I'm right there with you regarding the years of weeks like that. For me, I've found that focusing on what matters is the way through. Focusing on the positives, and understanding that life is life. It'll happen regardless of how I want it to be, helps me remain calmer than I otherwise might be.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Your credit card? Let the CC company handle it. That's what you pay exorbitant interest for. Your dad's drinking? I can tell you my aunt did similar with my uncle recently. 20 years sober, then...not. It's been unpleasant for the rest of us, but my uncle seems to have a way to deal with it. Hopefully your friends get healthy results.

Your ex? You have time for that? Really?

Oh, and the kids? That's not abnormal, now is it? Would be nice if it were different, but like you said, I hope it's a breakthrough for your son. I hate watching my daughter carry the anger the way she does. I'd welcome a breakthrough or event that could lead to one like that.

Let us know how your doc appts and surgery go and I assume you have friends and family that can help, right? If not, please let us know.


AJ

Just skimming through. Would love to read EVERYTHING here but do no thave a lot of time these days. Was attracted to your title Mighty.

Read your post - you must be 'processing' so much! It's a lot for one person to carry. I think u definitely need family or friends for this. They'll shed some load (light too) and you will be able to think, handle better than in isolation.

AJ's post is a great read as well - another view of overall sitch. Now GO find your support! It will help you & from there, you'll move thro' SOME the other issues one by one esp. since you do not have control over all, like medical oness.
Take care pb

Wow. That's a lot on your plate.

I guess it's all normal life stuff but still when you lay it all out like that it makes me realize how much we take on during these years of raising a family.

Do as much as you can for yourself to make things easier.

I find having someone clean my house and buying healthy takeout for dinner are small thing that I can do to make my life simpler when things get rushed and crazier.

Be good to yourself you are doing awesome

Phew...life can sure succk sometimes, right? The good thing is that it isnt stagnant...it is ever changing.

Control the controllables, address the really important stuff, let the small stuff go.

I have seen what you are made of, Mighty. Doesnt mean I dont wish things were easier for you. I just mean that there is such strength in you.

Some days we just need to put one foot in front of the other in order to make it through and you will.

Praying for you and rooting you on.

Hello, Hello!

Thanks for the feedback and support, guys. I'm really OK. I mainly put that down because I didn't have much time to really process the week.

Since I have been journal/keeping track of my journey here, I thought this week's events were worth documenting. I don't feel I was really able to grieve. To start off the week with the loss of my friend, and having to be strong for everyone all day and night, it was just hard. I was exhausted Friday. On my way to calling hours on Friday, I got 3 calls from s's school. It was hard to focus considering where I was going. The d13 called and asked where I was bc she and her friend were late for their game and thought I'd be home to take them. I was 30 min away and she was already 15 min late.

I went to her game after calling hours, then had to go to the store to get more supplies for her. I was exhausted from the week. I went to bed and about 30 min later I knew something was up. That's when I went and saw note from s17 and saw he was gone. So... there goes that night's sleep.

Yeah, I know it's life. I been moving along through it, with many weeks similar to this. It was just so evident this week that I was going it alone. Not only did I not have someone here to confide in with the loss of my friend, I didn't have anyone to help with everything else.

XH reaching out... puhhhh.... When I see his name appear, I'm like, ugh....

Yesterday he texted and asked what was going on with me and s17. (S17 told him we were arguing. We really weren't, but it was during s's breakdown).

I didn't see xh's text until later. I didn't respond. S and I had had worked through it and were great.

Then s called xh and talked with him and explained that everything was good.

A little while later xh sent: ?????????

My first thought was, ugh, I will text him that everything is fine.

XH would always get really upset when I didn't answer him right away. He always needed me to be readily available. Always. (Man I don't miss that)

Then I though, you know what? I don't need to respond. S told him everything was fine. And I don't need to respond to him because he is ????????'ing me. I mean seriously, he and hww can be insecure about texting with each other. I don't owe him anything.

It's not like he is going to do anything to help me with s. S17 does not even respect him. He does not even really see him. And, when I did need him in the spring and reached out, he was unavailable or unwilling to help. I've learned that lesson and I am learning to go it alone. His craziness just adds more stress to everyone in this house.

Oh, boy, here I go again with these eternal posts.... geesh.

I'm OK, guys. Really. Went out to dinner with the kids tonight. Bills won with 9 seconds left. Yippee!

Thinking of you Mighty. I know you you will figure this all out. Just know you're not alone. :-)