Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis H's MLC #5

A friend of mine is having a couples and single people get together at her place later this month.

I invited H

Me: Friend is having a lil gathering of friends, would you like to go.
H: pause with no response
Me: Well think about it, its later this month,,,if you decide not to go would you mind picking me up,,,I dont want to drink and drive home.
H: no response
Me: Hello,,,,will you let me know
H:Yes

WTH, this man basically has been making all kinda comments about my social calendar, I ask him if he wanted to be invited to stuff going forward,,,he kinda said yes,,so I invite him and this is the mess I got to deal with.

Say, YES OR NO or I'll think about it, not stare at me like I grew 2 heads!!!!

Don't look too deep into it.... you played this perfect!

*IF* he even gets back to you, Regardless of his answer (if, yes or no) show no emotion. Just matter of fact "OK" thanks for letting me know (with a polite smile).

*** Side note, I especially like the "I don't want to drink and drive" part (while true)... it added the touch that you don't "need" him there.

If he doesn't get back to you... let it alone (no nagging, no prodding), you offered.... thats the end of it.

Wounded.
my plans exactly...if he does not go Im still going and if he does not agree to pick me up...i will have to limit my drink to 1.

Do I even follow up a couple days before to at least know if he will pick me up...I would need to let the person taking me to the party know for sure if I need ride.

Or if if he says nothing just plan on drive myself there and home?

Screw that, even the smallest of towns have taxis. Just be conscious not to have so much you come home and get baited into an emotional fight.



I wouldn't.... in the context, maybe the night before, or morning of, just ask: "so did you decide if your going?"

I agree- enjoy yourself and take a taxi!! I've started to add that into my plans when I want to GAL and don't have an alternate ride.

You could also text day of something like " Ive arranged my own transportation so if you go no need to drive me".

Morning of I will ask if he has said nothing.

No plans on getting drunk but did not want to be driving after a couple drinks..taxi if Ive had too much to drink I dont want to get into taxi alone...

I will have a great time with or without the drinks...

Morning of I will ask if he has said nothing.

No plans on getting drunk but did not want to be driving after a couple drinks..taxi if Ive had too much to drink I dont want to get into taxi alone...

I will have a great time with or without the drinks...

H initiated sex last night, I was not as into it as I wanted to be...part of me was into it, the other part was worried about how I would feel later would I be able to control my emotions?

Now I want to have a conversation with him, I want to tell him that I enjoy having sex with him, but then afterwards he goes right back to acting like we room mates ,this is not OK with me, that it makes me feel like he thinks we are friends with benefits...and then to ignore me as a woman as his WIFE the rest of the time makes me feel like he does not respect me as a woman as his WIFE and that it makes me feel like...a side piece, like just a piece of Ass to him.


Sex has always been very important to my H, was one of our issues in our old M.
I remeber last year a comment made by H at the time we were not really having sex after BD..we did a couple of times and H acted like it was a horrible thing to do afterwards,,his comment was something like "having sex would just make things harder" But I wanted some type any type of connection so I would hint and initate,,then as time went on H started back iniating and now its back to somewhat regular basis.

Sex is now making this detachment harder for me to continue with. Its like I want it all or nothing now.

I know I have been told about the issues of sex with H before a few times and I know the last time my emotions got all confused...

Is there another way to have this conversation to avoid tension and or H feeling pressure???

Or is it if I continue to have sex, afterwards I will need to put my big girl panties back on (literally & figuratively) and keep my thoughts and feelings to myself?


When can the LBS stop tiptoeing around conversations?

HELP I feel a blow up coming...

So have the conversation, tell him just that...

"I enjoy having sex with you".

Don't make the conversation deeper then that.



So, have you ever come clean about that? Not a deep long conversation. Just maybe an apology/mea culpa thing:

"H, I realize now for a long time I never made sex a priority, or a desire for us. And for that I want you to know I am sorry"



Good you recognize it, now do something about it.... re read those livestrong notes again.



Again, good you recognize this.... but do you best to use your emotions FOR you, not against you... Burn the emotion off during the sex Leave everything on the table.




Not that I can think of.



For now.... yes, the fog is still thick around him.




February 31st.



Blow up here! I want your next post to be: Anger, sharp edges, vitriol, and hate: burn an orphanage, kick a puppy and wash it all down with a tall glass of stealing from a church!

But again, blow up here.... not to H.

I told him,,"I enjoy having sex with you" H has a lil devlish smile on face all the way out the door to work...LOL

I did add that he does not have to run away afterwards to the basement (he sometimes does this then comes back 30min later) I told him I would like him to stay just in case a wave of round 2 hits,,,,LOL (no idea who this person talking was,,,but I really really like her)

Yes I have apologize before BD and after a couple of times about being a WAS and not returning his affection.

The need to blow up has passed..my negative emotions dont linger as long anymore.